Tag: family

Family · Life

Left alone…

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It’s been ages since I participated in SOC’s and this prompt ‘left alone’ for the stream of consciousness that I just came across made me laugh out loud and sigh as well, as it pretty much sums up my situation at present. Though I have been dodging writing about this situation due to my mixed feelings, but I guess this is my prompt to talk about it.

These past couple of months, we sent off the children to continue their schooling in Canada as college fees in these parts are literally untenable and you need to have heavily lined pockets to afford putting your children through college/university here. For nationals it is freely funded whilst immigrants have to sell some vital organs in order to get their offspring educated in the higher institutions. So, being that my kiddos are Canadian citizens, it’s far more reasonable for them to continue over there, to reacclimatize and to start charting their course in life.

Whilst on one hand I feel relieved that we have this major aspect of things sorted, I feel bereft at being left alone in the interim. I have never been apart from my children and their physical absence leaves the house far too quiet for my liking, that I have taken to leaving the TV on for background noise which is simply out of character for me as I am not much of a TV person.

Thank the Gods of technology that we can make video calls and talk for as long as we want. It helps to take the bite off the ‘flown the coop’ feeling that I keep having, but it is not the same at all. I feel lonesome and I miss being needed. I miss the warm hugs. I miss their squabbles and laughter. I miss the ‘mum I am hungry’ requests. I miss the delight that they express after enjoying a nicely prepared home-made meal. I miss listening to their ideas. I miss my shopping companions. I even miss having the kitchen dirtied up when they try their culinary fingers on one recipe or the other. I miss many things that a list would be endless.

I presume this is a precursor to what it means to be an empty nester and I can categorically state that ‘I don’t like being left alone.’ I look forward to joining my kids in some months down the line and I will savour all the moments spent together.

For those of you who are empty nesters, what are your coping mechanisms?

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Blogging · Family · Personal · WordPress · Writing

Their absence leaves us bereft…

jacquelineobyikocha2 Comments

As treasure connotes something truly special, my lost treasures are intangible and irreplaceable. Three people come so easily to mind: my dad, my mother-in-law and my brother-in-law.

Death can be so final even when it comes slowly like the way my dad and my mother-in-law lost their battle with Cancer after a valiant battle. It was a heart wrenching and intensely difficult time for our family and what amazes me till today is how graceful these two humans were in the face of such debilitating illness. I loved and still love my dad to bits and his passing hit me really hard. Just writing this makes my heart flood with sadness. I have grown to bear the pain of his loss and to ruminate in the beautiful memories that he left behind and appreciate him over and over again. I think one of my regrets is not telling him often how much I loved him and that my kids did not have enough opportunity to really get to know him. He was a gentleman and a good man. I believe that I was in a state of denial and had kept hoping that God’s mercy would prevail and that he would win the battle with cancer. Till his last moments I stayed hopeful, but death robbed me.

My mother-in-law and I grew close especially considering how much my husband adored her. She was not just the matriarch of the family, but became my ally as well. Her name was Grace and indeed she was such a graceful and beautiful soul. Although her passing wasn’t sudden as she fought breast cancer for several years but her last day with us is forever etched on my mind as I was there in her last moments when she transitioned.

You truly never understand the enormity of what you have until you have lost it, more especially when the loss is sudden. My brother-in-law’s passing was like a bolt of lightening. It was a rude shock. He drowned. Till this moment, the circumstances surrounding his demise in Toronto is still unclear to us. He was quite a gregarious young man and his absence is felt.

If I could turn back the hands of time, I would love to have my family members back and relive all the beautiful moments with them. These people were gems and to know them was simply to love them.

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Family · Hope

Birthdays and Friday musings…

jacquelineobyikocha6 Comments
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

And Friday arrived even before I could turn the page of a book. The days are galloping by so fast nowadays, that sometimes I feel that if one doesn’t buckle down for the ride of speedy days they will practically find themselves flying and landing in 2023 all bushy-tailed and surprised. Each morning, I set a to-do list and by the end of the day I find myself falling short in completing certain things. However, I am also cutting myself some slack and unlearning the ingrained habit of beating myself up when I fall short of my own expectations. What I am trying to do now is to set realistic and practical goals or tasks and prioritize them so that they are achievable. Although sometimes I find myself running around chasing every other thing rather than settling down to doing those things that needs to be done.

Tomorrow is my first son’s birthday and when I look at the young man I am always taken aback at how much he has grown and has now become a full adult of one score, whilst a whole part of me – except for the creaky parts – feel as exuberant and as hopeful as I felt when I was his age. Truth be told, I think I have become quite jaded a bit from life’s experiences and a lot more reserved, though each day, I fight mentally, physically and spiritually not to let the bitter experiences and setbacks get the better of me. I have grown to realize that focusing my energy on things that are out of my control and things that have expired such as the past, is sheer and massive waste of time.

Now to my young man, I pray that life treats you kindly and well. I give God praise for the gift of a son like you and thank Him for His faithfulness and mercy over your life all these years. May you continue to flourish in God’s blessings. May His countenance continue to shine on you. You will find favour in the eyes of men. The earth shall yield its increase for you and so you shall not lack. It shall be in agreement with you to fulfil God’s purpose for your life. As you grow in age, may you also grow spiritually, emotionally, mentally and financially. The Lord will cause you to dwell in good health and everything you lay your hands on shall prosper. His protection shall be over you and He will give you the grace to grow in wisdom. Amen.

I thank God for all the good moments we have spent together, as mother and son. 

Just A Thought · kindness · Life · Lifestyle

Choosing Lavender…

jacquelineobyikocha4 Comments
Photo by Natasha Fernandez on Pexels.com

Already! It’s the end of a work week here. Hardly did the alarm go off on Sunday morning, and now here we are; it’s Thursday. Hey Presto!… and the hours spill into days and the days into weeks and months and the year is almost gone.

Before you know it, 1 year is gone, and next and the next… With each cycle of time, we turn a new age, from 20 to 30 to 40, to 50, 60, 70 years old and so on if life is kind to you. Years lived and days passed. As we take stock of all the years gone by, we realize how much we have gained and lost as well. With the passage of time, some of us have expanded sideways and gained some wisdom ‘hopefully’… We have lost loved ones and as much as we would like most things in our life to stay stable, sadly we can never turn back the hands of time.

I remember my teenage years of hot pants, pedal-pushers, minis and what-not and the firm perkiness of my body parts, no extra folds and rolls, and non-creaky achy parts. Those yesteryears when I thought 30 was old… What my young mind did not conceive then was the need to ensure that I truly enjoyed and appreciated those moments. That I would one day look back with deep-seated nostalgia and sense of loss never occurred to me.

Now, as older years loom ahead, we must, despite all the ups and downs of life, learn to enjoy the time that we have. Let’s immerse ourselves in doing those things that bring us and those around us joy, laughter, peace, calm, hope and prosperity. Learning to leave rancour, undue stress, grudges, worry and all those negative thoughts, emotions and actions that don’t add a jot of value to our lives is a valuable strength. Put some colour in the greys of your days and don’t keep waiting for the right time or a party to wear that beautiful lavender dress of yours. BE The Party! Find the Zest even when it seems evasive. You will be better for it.

Let’s smile at the little things and let the joy and serenity derived from such feeling sooth our bruised souls. There are so many lost moments and broken dreams in afterwards. Even when we are blessed with longevity, life is a short trip.

Life can’t be lived in the afterwards, ‘cos priorities will always change. Afterwards, the momentary charm gets broken. Afterwards, our offspring grow up, we age and our parents get older. Afterwards, health passes and promises get forgotten. Afterwards, our vigour diminishes, the days become less and life eventually ends. Let’s stop waiting for later, ‘cos in doing so we lose the best moments, the best experiences, best friends, the best family that life has to offer. We are no longer at that youthful age where we believe we have the time to postpone what needs to be done in the immediate.

When you are young, getting older might look an eternity, but eternity is most certainly a short trip.

Enjoy Your Life, Be Kind to Yourself and Others. Peace be with you!

Family · Poetry/Poems

This Circle of Life…Personal

jacquelineobyikocha65 Comments

 

Tears leak from my eyes

as I watch your broken heart bleed

from the news that we all dread to receive

that a beloved one has passed on

 

I have no words enough to offer

that will mend the deep ache that you suffer

but I know that with time its sharpness will dull

with time you will smile again through the tears

 

In this circle of life, we dance in

never knowing whose turn to return it might be

but memories we gather of each other

to remind us when one is no longer there

 

My dearest Father-in-law just passed on, my husband aches.

I’m sharply reminded that our time apportioned to sojourn here is short. We must not tarry in seeking our purpose, finding peace, making beautiful memories and in living a life that would leave wonderful, indelible marks in the hearts of those who we love.

To live in hearts we leave behind is not to die. Thomas Campbell

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Family · Lifestyle

Everyday Ways To Teach Your Kids To Be Responsible

jacquelineobyikocha23 Comments

If you don’t start teaching your children responsibility from a young age, when they grow up and get out into the real world, they’re going to struggle. Every parent knows that it’s important and there are all sorts of ways people try to teach them, like getting them to join a sports team or get a summer job. These are great, but if you want to encourage them to be responsible in all areas of their life, you need to be doing small things every day. Here are just some of the ways that you can teach your kids to be responsible every single day.

child responsibility, upbringing, raising the next generation, responsible kids, family, life skills, lifestyle

Image From Pixabay

Buy Them Nice Things

Before we get into how this teaches responsibility, remember not to go overboard and spoil your children because it will have the opposite effect. If you occasionally buy your children nice clothes from somewhere like Nicki’s fashion for children or buy them a new phone, it’s a good opportunity to teach them to value their possessions and not be careless with them. But this only works if you don’t do it too often. If you buy them something anytime they ask for it, they won’t bother looking after things because they know they can just get another one.

Send Them To The Shop

When I was younger, my parents would always send me around the corner to the shop if we needed milk. It was only a tiny thing but it felt like a big responsibility as a kid. I was eager to make sure that I didn’t make a mistake and so I acted responsibly. Sending them out to do small errands on their own is the perfect way to create a family that all works together to help out around the house. Just remember, wait until they’re old enough to be walking around on their own, and don’t start asking them to do the weekly shop for everybody.

Pay Them For Chores

Before they’re old enough to go out and get a proper job of their own, you can still teach them a good work ethic by paying them to do small chores around the house. Washing the car or raking the leaves in the garden are both good options. It teaches them the importance of working and you can start them off on managing a little of their own money. The key to making this effective is to only pay them for certain chores. They should still help around the house regardless, otherwise, they could get lazy.

Practice What You Preach

You can easily undo all of your good work if you don’t practice what you preach. If you’re constantly telling your kids to pick up after themselves yet they see you being messy, you’re sending mixed signals and they won’t listen to you. Always be aware of how you’re acting when they’re about and make sure you follow your own rules.

There’s no one way to teach your kids responsibility, you have to introduce it to every aspect of their life.  

This is a collaborative post.
Family · Lifestyle

11 Great Ways to Reduce Stress on a Family Day Out

jacquelineobyikocha11 Comments

Family, Outing, Park, Day Out, Entertainment, Recreation, Lifestyle, Raising Children

Pixabay

If you’ve got kids, you probably dream of lovely days out as a family. Where everyone is having fun and laughing, learning together and enjoying their day. You see other families having these fairy tale days out where everything is wonderful, and everyone is happy and long for the day that you can do the same. Before we have kids, we imagine that this is what all of our family days out will be like. Lovely and carefree. Then, we have them and start going out together.

We quickly realize that that perfect family day out is nothing but a pipedream and suspect that those families who appear to be having the perfect day are heavily bribing their children.

Family days out are stressful. Sometimes to the point of not being worth it at all. The children whine and moan, even if it’s a destination they have chosen. The food is rubbish, the journey is long and boring, and the entertainment or attraction is never quite how it looks online. By the end of the day, everyone is upset, tired and hungry and you’ve had to deal with 8034 toddler tantrums.

But, does it have to be this way? Is bribery the only way to have a stress-free day out with your family? Surely not. Here are some great tips to reduce all of the stress so you can all enjoy your day.

Plan

Planning your day out in plenty of time gives you a chance to save lots of money, get cheaper transport tickets and prepare an itinerary to make everything as easy as possible. Write lots of lists and make sure you know exactly what you are doing and when. Brief the rest of your party too, and then repeat yourself on the morning of the event.

Don’t Plan

All that said, sometimes it’s best not to plan. When you plan a perfect day out, it often leads to chaos and an immense pressure to have a great time. It can be hard to live up to your expectations. If something comes up and you are free, or you spot something that your family will love last minute, go with it. Sometimes the spontaneous days out with absolutely no preparation and planning are the most fun and the ones that you remember in years to come. Don’t get too hung up on the planning.

Let the Kids Help

When the kids get a little older, they can resent being dragged around with their parents and younger siblings. To be fair, even 6 or 7-year-olds would often rather be at home on their tablets. So, let them help you arrange their perfect day out. Sit together and look at some great family days out online and try to find something that everyone will enjoy. Encourage them to think of not only their needs but of those of the rest of the group, especially any younger children.

Family, Outing, Park, Day Out, Entertainment, Recreation, Lifestyle, Raising Children, Aquarium

Pixabay

A visit to an aquarium such as SeaQuest can be the perfect solution. Younger children and even babies can enjoy watching the colourful fish swimming around, and older kids and adults can make the most of the interactive displays and learning opportunities. Other great options include farms, zoos and fun, family-friendly museums.

Give Older Children Responsibility

Another way to keep older children happy on a family day out is by making them feel needed and appreciated. Give them a job, such as looking after the map and checking things off your to-do list and tell them how important this is and that they are doing you a huge favor. Keep an eye on their progress and encourage and praise them throughout the day. Tell them that everyone is having a much better day because of their help.

Get an Early Night

Family, Outing, Park, Day Out, Entertainment, Recreation, Lifestyle, Raising Children, Baby, Sleep time

Pixabay

The last thing you want on the morning of your big day out is tired and agitated kids or adults for that matter. If the children know that something fun is happening the next day they might find it hard to sleep if they are excited. So, try to keep their routine normal and put them to bed a little earlier. Then, get some rest yourself. Big family days out can be long and tiring, so make sure you are starting on top form.

Give Yourself Plenty of Time

Get up a little early than usual too to give yourself plenty of time to make sure you’ve got everything you need for the day. Then, leave early enough that you aren’t having to rush whether you’re driving or using public transport. Make sure you’ve got enough time for an emergency stop.

Plan Activities for the Journey

You don’t want to be stressed out before you arrive. But children can be hard to entertain on a long journey. So, plan some activities. Think of some games you can play together and take a few small books or toys. You could even let them take their tablets or other devices just for the journey if it keeps everyone happy.

Pack Snacks

Even if the journey is short, you may find you have to spend some of your days in queues or waiting for shows. Kids tend not to be very good at waiting, so healthy snacks are a must. Just make sure you also take a bag for rubbish and some baby wipes for sticky fingers.

Keep the Kids Safe

As a parent, your biggest fear on family days out is always that one of the children will get lost. Even when they start getting older, it’s something that worries us. Temporary ID tattoos with a parent’s name and contact number are a great idea to help keep them safe. You should also make sure they know your real name and that there is a landmark nearby they recognize if they need help.

Remember, it’s Their Day Out Too

It can be easy to get hung up on our children’s behavior, but on a day out it’s important to relax a little. Remember, it’s their day out too, they are excited and might be a little louder than usual. It’s ok to let things slide a little for the good of the day.

Know When to Give Up

However, sometimes, it can seem like everything is against you. The weather is awful; things are closed, the car stops working, your picnic gets ruined or worse. Things happen. Instead of trying to force everyone to have a good time sometimes it’s ok to give it up, go home and watch a DVD together. There’ll be other days.

This is a collaborative post.
Inspiration - Motivation

Positivity From Adversity

jacquelineobyikocha24 Comments

In the toughest of times, it can be difficult to draw upon positivity and inspiration. But, with a change of perspective, these issues can become a well-spring of not only creativity but also happiness!

Happiness, Women, Adversity, Life, Water, Laughter, Friendship, Perspective

Happiness in adversity! Source.

The first change of perspective is:

Plan Accordingly!

Once you fall upon hard times, it can be easy to become lost in a mire of misery and simply think it is inescapable. This isn’t true! If you’re experiencing money troubles, then working alongside a financial planner can help pull you back into the black, and get you back on your feet. Helpful resources exist for advice on how to choose a financial planner – this will not only help you in the short-term but can set you on your way for future success.

Planning doesn’t just apply to monetary issues though. It may be that the adversity you face is the disability of a loved one, maybe even your own child. This can seem overwhelmingly bleak, but if you plan thoroughly you can not only guarantee your own security but secure your loved one’s future and quality of life. Investing in a special needs trust is a neat and secure way of guaranteeing them a stable life, be they young or old, and will free you mentally to enjoy the best of times with them. Life isn’t all about finances, but securing them financially can safeguard future treatments, allowing you to nurture them with love with a reduced weight upon your shoulders.

This leads to the second shift in perspective:

Creatively Document Your Struggles and Successes!

Change can be a good thing! Change can help shift your perspectives and bring you back in touch with the things that really matter. Disabled people aren’t here to inspire us, but still, we can draw inspiration from the experiences of anyone who experiences and overcomes difficult times. If you yourself have difficulties you can channel them into creative outlets such as poetry, or even running an inspirational blog! People all over the world channel difficulty into uplifting stories of how they overcome setback after setback, and you too could join them!

Alongside a properly thought-out and implemented plan for recovery, documenting your journey can bring light in moments of darkness, and can itself become that which best drags you back into the good times! Studies exist as to the value of adversity in the creative mind, and this shows that – even if you’ve gotten into a dark spot of writer’s block (or the equivalent for your pursuit!) – you can haul yourself out with a fresh new perspective to boot.

You can channel yourself into a new hobby, with the little successes you win yourself pursuing those hobbies helping build towards overall wins in your wider life! Perhaps you’ll even take up cooking? Cooking yourself hearty meals can do absolute wonders for your state of mind, and as you get more confident in your abilities you’ll soon be making all sorts of fantastic meals! You’ll have gained yourself new skills, brought some positivity into your life and can even save yourself a little money – all whilst bringing you closer to your loved ones! After all, everyone loves a packed family table and a home-cooked meal! (Of course, you can always channel your efforts elsewhere – hand-knitted gifts go down a treat!)

Hearty soup, Fresh meals, healthy, nutritious, meal plan

A hearty meal does wonders for the frazzled mind. Source.

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Family

Candle Lit – Word Wednesday

jacquelineobyikocha37 Comments

I can barely find the words to express how touched and happy I felt when my ten-year-old son offered to take care of me and make me something to eat last night as an effort to ease my stress.

Several packs of tagliatelle, cheese, carrots, tomatoes, ketchup, fish-fingers, all my spices and a messy kitchen, the young man whipped up a candle-lit dinner.

The food tasted better than any that I’d had in ages. It could have done with a little more simmering to soften the tagliatelle, but it was just perfect.

There was oodles of love, a dash of care and sprinkles of appreciation washed down with a cold glass of orange juice 🙂

Candle Lit Dinner, Made With Love, Food, Children, Cooking, Parenting, Family

kitchen quotes

 

Parenting

Keeping Your Mojo Throughout All Parenting Difficulties You Might Face

jacquelineobyikocha15 Comments

No one said raising children was easy. However, when your child looks at you and tells you they love you throughout your life, you know instinctually that raising children is worth it. However, that’s not to say the positive benefits of being a parent aren’t earned. They’re earned more than any life achievement could be. Climbing Mount Everest can look like a lounging nature trail walk compared to raising a human being to the best of your ability, and hoping they turn out sensibly, wise and happy.

32756899853_1d7204cac8_b

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Part of being a great parent is keeping your ‘mojo’ levels up to the point where you can happily steer them through all the difficulties that occur through life. Mojo can be defined as your energy levels, your ability to be open, engaged and magnetic, the ability to go to sleep well and not have to worry too much about your day to day responsibilities because you’re confident you can complete them.

To someone lacking mojo, this can sound too good to be true, and impossible to keep up all the time. That’s true, there’s no way anyone can be happy all of the time, but they can certainly keep a good attitude most of the time.

Here’s how:

Make Time For Recreation

Recreation and taking a break, with or without your children is a big step on the road to sustaining your mojo. You have to keep updated with your social links, make time for silly entertainment, and allow yourself to be an utter goofball around your kids. It’s these moments that make all the ‘admin’ of life worth living, so be sure to keep them numerous.

Release The Burdens On Your Mind

Over time, unfulfilled obligations or life stresses take their toll on your mind, and a low-level feeling of despair can gestate within you because of this. Be sure to try alternative methods around these issues.

For example, if you’re getting divorced, you might like to try divorce by meditation to cool the entire emotionally-charged process. If you have difficulties with your children’s behavior at school, you might like to try and get to the source and root of the issue by visiting child behavioral therapists, as opposed to scolding them and hoping that works. Parenthood is never easy, but it’s twice as difficult with a heavy mind.

Eat Healthily

Eating a healthy diet is an absolute must when fulfilling a job so demanding as being a parent. Your children can take all energetic reserves out of you by the end of the day, and if you’re not giving your body all of the nutrients it deserves, you’re likely to crash sooner rather than later. Be sure to stay on top of healthy eating habits, and you’ll find an extra reserve of energy you never knew you could access.

Parenthood is the hardest job among jobs. Even trained and battle-hardened soldiers will shudder at the thought of raising another human being successful. If you’re doing a relatively good job, well done you! You deserve to be remembered as an incredible parent. Just be sure to stay on top of your health, mentally, physically and spiritually. In doing so, you’ll become an even better figurehead of the family. Good luck!