Choosing Lavender…

Photo by Natasha Fernandez on Pexels.com

Already! It’s the end of a work week here. Hardly did the alarm go off on Sunday morning, and now here we are; it’s Thursday. Hey Presto!… and the hours spill into days and the days into weeks and months and the year is almost gone.

Before you know it, 1 year is gone, and next and the next… With each cycle of time, we turn a new age, from 20 to 30 to 40, to 50, 60, 70 years old and so on if life is kind to you. Years lived and days passed. As we take stock of all the years gone by, we realize how much we have gained and lost as well. With the passage of time, some of us have expanded sideways and gained some wisdom ‘hopefully’… We have lost loved ones and as much as we would like most things in our life to stay stable, sadly we can never turn back the hands of time.

I remember my teenage years of hot pants, pedal-pushers, minis and what-not and the firm perkiness of my body parts, no extra folds and rolls, and non-creaky achy parts. Those yesteryears when I thought 30 was old… What my young mind did not conceive then was the need to ensure that I truly enjoyed and appreciated those moments. That I would one day look back with deep-seated nostalgia and sense of loss never occurred to me.

Now, as older years loom ahead, we must, despite all the ups and downs of life, learn to enjoy the time that we have. Let’s immerse ourselves in doing those things that bring us and those around us joy, laughter, peace, calm, hope and prosperity. Learning to leave rancour, undue stress, grudges, worry and all those negative thoughts, emotions and actions that don’t add a jot of value to our lives is a valuable strength. Put some colour in the greys of your days and don’t keep waiting for the right time or a party to wear that beautiful lavender dress of yours. BE The Party! Find the Zest even when it seems evasive. You will be better for it.

Let’s smile at the little things and let the joy and serenity derived from such feeling sooth our bruised souls. There are so many lost moments and broken dreams in afterwards. Even when we are blessed with longevity, life is a short trip.

Life can’t be lived in the afterwards, ‘cos priorities will always change. Afterwards, the momentary charm gets broken. Afterwards, our offspring grow up, we age and our parents get older. Afterwards, health passes and promises get forgotten. Afterwards, our vigour diminishes, the days become less and life eventually ends. Let’s stop waiting for later, ‘cos in doing so we lose the best moments, the best experiences, best friends, the best family that life has to offer. We are no longer at that youthful age where we believe we have the time to postpone what needs to be done in the immediate.

When you are young, getting older might look an eternity, but eternity is most certainly a short trip.

Enjoy Your Life, Be Kind to Yourself and Others. Peace be with you!

Key Notes…

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Getting back to blogging, I have found myself at a certain loss. It feels so familiar yet strange, because like everything that changes over time, a lot seems to have happened in blogosphere. I feel like a newbie, albeit with some jaded sense of know-how. I am tip-toeing around my blog trying to find my way once again, afraid to click on unknown features just in case I break something – not literally, but you get what I mean.

I recall that when I started blogging I could plug away for hours on end and derived such joy from putting my thoughts in writing. The joy has not gone though it has ebbed a bit. The hours to plug away on the keyboard has gone with the vagaries of life, since bills don’t pay themselves. Back then, I jumped in with such gusto and gumption and decision to make it work; to eke out a living doing something that I truly love. Things got in the way, life happened so much so that it made me question my trueness.

I have questioned my authenticity and second-guessed my passion for written and spoken word. I have found myself comparing and wondering if I am really true to my art. If I really want to be a writer as passionately as I had supposed? Because, as we are told, if you want something badly enough, you will do what needs to be done and you will find the time to make sure that it works out. It may sound romantic being a hungry, starving artist, but the rude awakening and harsh reality of life makes such aspirations a near impossible feat to achieve in this part of the world and in most parts I daresay.

NOT paying your bills can land you behind bars in my neck of the woods. As valuable as words may be, mine are yet to land me that goldmine and to present the peace of mind that money can buy or rather being able to sleep without your landlord hounding you for rent. I derail.

I have had to revamp my mind. To remember that often times the key notes of our life’s story might be out of tune for a bit, but once our fingers glide over the keys, like the gentle caress of a cherished old lover, we kindle with familiarity.

My thoughts are on how the blogging field has changed though my keyboard remains the same. How there are now many icons, bells and whistles here and there. I almost feel as if I should enroll in learning how things work here once again. Sadly, the course is paid for and I most certainly can’t afford such finesse. What do you think? Is going to WordPress University a worthwhile investment or do you think that I can find my way just by tinkering around?

Tremors Here and There…

Sunday started as normal – or so it seemed – till around 4.30pm when our corner of the world got rocked a bit at its core. I was driving son 2 home around 4/4.15pm when I felt a few seconds of sudden vibration and had to grip my steering wheel tighter, slowed down – though I wasn’t even driving that fast – and before I could figure out whether the dodgy upliftment could be penciled down to too many cups of coffee taken earlier in the day to ward of sleep or the insufficient sleep the previous night. During this brief experience, son 2 was fast asleep beside me, oblivious and probably thought he was being rocked gently to sleep.

Approaching our street a few minutes later, the first thing that struck me was the sheer number of people who stood outside respective towers on both sides of the street. Some were gathered in little groups having animated conversations, some stood silently alone looking up, down and around. My first thoughts as I literally brought my car to a crawl were: ‘there must have been an accident’ but a quick scan showed the absence of police cars, ambulance or anything of the sort. Maybe a tower is on fire, I thought. Yet again, a quick scan did not reveal billowing smokes from a fire nor any fire truck in the vicinity.

I pulled to a stop in front of our building and for the first time in forever, many parking lots stood empty. I had lots of spaces to choose from. A rarity in this area despite the fact that it cost 2 dirhams to park a vehicle for an hour. I had pre-informed son 1 to come downstairs and meet me so that he could accompany me for a quick trip to sort out some stuff (call me a cheapskate; though I will say I am being thrifty), the essence of taking him along is so that he can wait in the vehicle while I made a quick dash to do the things I needed to do without having to pay for a parking space for an errand that would be completed under 30 minutes.

When son 1 came down, I asked him if he knew why there was so much hustle and bustle of folks, he told me how the house literally shook for a good 30 to 40 seconds barely half an hour ago. Earthquake! My heart started beating faster. I called my apartment and instructed daughter of mine to make her way down immediately and join us. She is always as cool as cucumber but this panicked mother was not about to drive off without all her children in her company – I have only 3 as it is. She narrated her own version of the quake which had made her feel dizzy for about a minute and she had thought it was all in her head until son 1 confirmed that indeed the house had trembled.

As we drove to run errands, from one street to the next people were in clusters discussing their experience. You could see the worried lines etched on people’s faces. I noticed the total absence of laughter. You could feel the air palpate with bated energy of ‘let’s wait and see.’ No one was sure if that was just a ripple to announce bigger ripples or if that was all. Old movie images of houses crumbling like a pack of cards flashed through my mind, but thankfully, we ain’t dying just yet. It took a little more time before people felt confident enough to go back into their high-rise apartments albeit with airs of unquestionable concern.

Unannounced. Unexpected. That is life and its transient state for you. One minute you think everything is fine and dandy and the next minute things happen and things fall apart. Occurrences like this remind you of how small you are in the larger scheme of things and how much we are not truly in control of anything in life. It reminds one how mortal you are and how no minute in life is guaranteed to us. No matter how we plan, no matter how much we know, the future can never be ordered like a band of soldiers. Still, we as striving humans our effervescent need to be in control and to create possibilities cannot be ignored. Thankfully, these were only tremors.

My Tomorrow…

Quote about Today, Tomorrow and Yesteday

my tomorrow came

when today arrived…

for yesterday,

I waited…

on a day that I hadn’t seen

hoping that when

it does come around…

there will be the light of change.

my tomorrow is here

yet my thoughts ain’t truly there..

for how can it be..

when in fragmented pieces

I watch…

the broken circles

of many yesterdays.

my tomorrow will come…

just as today did..

as I learn…

to glue my pieces of yesterdays…

into weaves of learning,

and understanding…

the wisdom of yesteryears.

© Jacqueline 2021

Hello There…

It’s been such a long time on this page…

That I feel like a stranger…

It’s not that I have lost my love for words…

Just that the travails of life…

Have been bludgeoning me…

That there are many, many days…

I feel beaten out of words…

and mentally drained…

trying to balance the art of living…

Each day I say to myself…

Just hang in there…

This too shall pass

3 things challenge – mistress, expectations, anywhere

her expectations as mistress aren’t going anywhere

he steals into her chamber in the cover of the dark

silently, he leaves in the wee hours of light

lonely, her heart never knows respite

sea, waves, boat

our expectations become the mistress of life

guiding us from shore to shore

from here to anywhere

we keep sailing.

It’s fun to take part in challenges again. I came across the ‘Three Things Challenge on Pensivity101’s blog‘ and decided to give it a go just to get the writing juices flowing again.

Monday’s Mental Chatter…

This excerpt is from my mental chatter.

The Voice: “You try to cover up your true self to appear acceptable to others.  You make it seem like you’ve got it all together when most times you are falling apart silently. Why do you put on that costume of gaiety and false calm, hoping that others are not suspicious of the truth that lies behind this facade of positivity and courage, of the turbulence that brews beneath your seeming still waters…”

Me: “Shussh! I hiss in disgust at The Voice. By the way, you are free to mutter all you want and to state your unfounded opinions, you don’t get to tell me what to do.”

Does this sound familiar to anyone? Oh well, I must say that a lot of times we have to hold on to our facade to survive the onslaught of another day. As a supposedly intellectual being and an educated mind, I am learning to entertain the many voices that forage in my mind without accepting their submissions. I daresay that each of us wears a costume; either of gaiety or otherwise and whichever outfit you may don as your outer appearance, never lose the authentic you.

….the Prince is Dead!

her fairytales of life
no more Princes are there to be had,
and the knights in shining armour
perished with Arthur.

rather,

there’s just her,
an ordinary woman
riding her own steed
and slaying her own dragons.

long live the dragon slayer!

Little Moments…

We often sit around waiting for big moments, big shifts in perspective, big things to happen, failing to understand that these little moments, these little shifts and these small things of these days are most certainly the big ones.

Don’t forget to make each day count. Look back on your day, reflect before you bed down for the night and think of at least five things that made your day brighter. 

Shalom!

The Passage…

Spring stole in when I wasn’t looking – much like everything else around me that happened while I was in a haze of grief and if it wasn’t for Doreen’s push, I would still be wrapped up in my age-old floral housecoat wallowing in deep cups of self-pity and stale packets of Batchelor’s minestrone soup.

Doreen was right, and as much as I hated my sisters’ cheerful countenance, sage counsel, and witty remarks, she was right. ‘You ought to do something, Gloria, you ought to go out, do things, meet people, get your life together.’

‘I really ought to do something,’ Gloria thought for the umpteenth time as she tried to organize her thoughts on her life – or the semblance of her life. A fresh upsurge of panic made her heart race, and her hands grew clammy. ‘Failing to do something is like dying while still alive,’ Doreen’s words echoed in her mind. ‘But that’s how I feel.’ ‘I’m dying alive,’ she argued. “Stop it. “Just stop it,” she muttered. “You’ve got to get back your sense of perspective.”

 ‘Maybe getting organised or a holiday would be a good way to get started again,’ Doreen suggested.  She knew Gloria too well and knew how her sister had enjoyed a predictable and efficient life. For Gloria, everything was planned, in its proper place and therefore she rarely lost control of things – not until the miscarriage, not until her husbands’ sudden death. He was forty-one. Micks’ death appeared to have taken their plans to the coffin – a plan to buy a house, to start a family, to support Gloria’s fledging home-based business till she got off the ground and now she simply floundered.

To be continued…