Lovely and Wonderful…

person writing on pink sticky notes

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What word do you find yourself using frequently? I think I use these two words ‘lovely and wonderful‘ ever so often, especially when complimenting others or their work. Most times, I endeavour to read what someone wrote, to connect with the post before making a constructive comment that relates to it.

I must say that I hesitate in using unnecessary superlatives which sometimes almost comes across as superfluous and fake. I do indulge when I come across something that genuinely deserves the superlatives. Sometimes, when my thoughts are all over the place, I fail to truly connect with a piece writing and as such, I hesitate to make a comment; and a like suffices at such times.

However, it is interesting to say that I have observed some readers making asinine comments that has nothing to do with the post and I can’t help but wonder at the following:

  • Is it that they are unable to read and comprehend?
  • Is it that they simply choose to be obtuse?
  • Is it that they are simply in such a rush but want the writer to feel their presence through their like and odd comments?
  • Do they think that they writer is so simpleminded that any silly comment would be pleasing to them?

As we always seem pressed for time and people’s attention span shrinks to the size of an ant, with social media interaction becoming more fast-paced, it does appear like the art of reading is equally suffering a blow and genuine readers dwindle daily.

I could think many things pertaining the readers thought pattern and may never arrive at the right answer, but I most certainly do hope that I haven’t fallen into that category of asinine comment makers and that I never lose the joy derived from reading and truly appreciating the art of the writer.

Monday Motivation and Musings…

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The key that unlocks our happiness lies within us and can’t be found elsewhere.

When we fail to settle down and dig deeper to unlock the essence of who we are, we tend to fill our days with activities, going through the daily motions of surviving and are left feeling listless and dissatisfied with life, that’s the time to start searching for the missing link and hopefully, the answer will click.

I found this oldie sitting in my draft. Still rings true.

My tomorrow…

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my tomorrow came
when today arrived…
for yesterday I waited
on a day that I hadn’t seen…
hoping that if and when
it does come around…
there will be the light of change.

my tomorrow is here
yet my thoughts ain’t truly there…
for how can it be
when in fragmented pieces…
I watch…

the broken circles

of many yesterdays

These are not easy days…

My family is going through a very difficult financial time right now that each day is burgeoned with struggle. Each waking moment comes inundated with its own portion of challenges that goes beyond just getting through the day.

There are times when it’s truly hard to say that all is well when the struggle is tedious.

I go through bouts of depression and mental stress these days that I lose sleep and some days are much harder than others. Sometimes, I literally feel as if the quagmire of life is bent on swallowing me and I struggle to drag myself out of the funk.

Now as I grow older, I understand better and empathize with those who become overwhelmed with life and seek easy ways out of their pain. Sometimes, we are in so much unseenSerenity pain that the person right next to us does not even grasp the magnitude of our internal struggles.

Most times, these pains are not only in the mind, they affect other aspects of our body and who we are and a lot of times they are triggered by events out of our control. I am trying not to focus too much on the problems but to redirect my energy on possible solutions as focusing on the problems only amplifies them. I am also repeating the ‘serenity prayer’ to help me keep calm and absorbing the words

If you find it in your heart and with any change to spare, you can support me in your own little way. Shalom ♥

Talking to you…

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Is it strange to be at this point in life where the desire to succeed somehow in life has quadrupled; maybe because you know that you no longer have the time to shilly-shally and fritter away your days like when you were in your teens and twenties, yet at the same time, you equally feel lethargic and seem to have lost the gusto to keep pushing if that makes sense?

I have lived in many hoods, but to be honest, adulthood is raz and can run you raggedy. Some days I feel on top of things and feel a certain level of being at peace with myself, but most of the time, especially recently, I feel deeply pressured, almost as if I am asphyxiating from the burden of financial responsibilities that has become a chokehold on me and mine, and a sense of helplessness does overwhelm me now and then.

I am in a hurry to change things, yet the more I rush, the slower my steps become. The pandemic took a heavy financial toll on us and things are yet to let up. It bothers me using this space to share my woes, still, I feel that I am among friends who have seen life, it’s good and ugly sides and who understand what true struggles mean. I always endeavour to stay chirpy and see the bright side of life despite all the dark clouds that tends to shroud things and make situations look bleak more times than I care to count.

Something that I know for sure is that loads of us are going through stuff that they are either proud, embarrassed, ashamed or too afraid to share for fear of being trolled and judged by others, but one thing I have learned in this life is not to make someone else’s thought take such a center stage in my life that it will cause me to lose sleep. At present, my wellbeing and seeking reprieve is far too important to me than being scared and ashamed to share the fact that I am struggling more than I can express in words.

Out of sense of self-preservation, I wish not to demean myself but if after reading this and you can buy me a cup of coffee using the Paypal button or link at the top and bottom or my page and it will be most appreciated. Every penny goes a long way. God bless.

Silently Loud…

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The silence in her life

rang like a loud bell

she wanted no one to hear.

The raging loneliness

sank into her bones

solace became one with her

she no longer knew 

how not to be alone

 

The need to end her pain

beckoned in a beguiling manner

to succumb; an option she pondered.

 

© Jacqueline Oby-Ikocha 2022

Birthdays and Friday musings…

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And Friday arrived even before I could turn the page of a book. The days are galloping by so fast nowadays, that sometimes I feel that if one doesn’t buckle down for the ride of speedy days they will practically find themselves flying and landing in 2023 all bushy-tailed and surprised. Each morning, I set a to-do list and by the end of the day I find myself falling short in completing certain things. However, I am also cutting myself some slack and unlearning the ingrained habit of beating myself up when I fall short of my own expectations. What I am trying to do now is to set realistic and practical goals or tasks and prioritize them so that they are achievable. Although sometimes I find myself running around chasing every other thing rather than settling down to doing those things that needs to be done.

Tomorrow is my first son’s birthday and when I look at the young man I am always taken aback at how much he has grown and has now become a full adult of one score, whilst a whole part of me – except for the creaky parts – feel as exuberant and as hopeful as I felt when I was his age. Truth be told, I think I have become quite jaded a bit from life’s experiences and a lot more reserved, though each day, I fight mentally, physically and spiritually not to let the bitter experiences and setbacks get the better of me. I have grown to realize that focusing my energy on things that are out of my control and things that have expired such as the past, is sheer and massive waste of time.

Now to my young man, I pray that life treats you kindly and well. I give God praise for the gift of a son like you and thank Him for His faithfulness and mercy over your life all these years. May you continue to flourish in God’s blessings. May His countenance continue to shine on you. You will find favour in the eyes of men. The earth shall yield its increase for you and so you shall not lack. It shall be in agreement with you to fulfil God’s purpose for your life. As you grow in age, may you also grow spiritually, emotionally, mentally and financially. The Lord will cause you to dwell in good health and everything you lay your hands on shall prosper. His protection shall be over you and He will give you the grace to grow in wisdom. Amen.

I thank God for all the good moments we have spent together, as mother and son. 

across the bridge…

as we laid
your body down
and you crossed the bridge

to the other side

the airy wind
blew it’s gentle breeze
around us, it flowed

to the other side

a lone tear
escaped my eyes
racing to my mouth

I had promised
that I would
stop crying

but the calmness
of the air
reminds of your gentle ways

when will we
see you again, if ever,
my heart is pained.

For you my dear friend – departed – I wish not to say. May your soul find rest after all the pain. May you know peace and may your wings continue to flap gently in the wind. I see your smile. Though we know that none of us will get out of here alive, that death is part of life, yet, its sting is never lessened.

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All in a brisk walk…

This morning I woke up with a foggy feeling in my head and it was as if I hadn’t slept at all. I felt lazy, and just wanted to continue lying on my bed, but I knew that doing so would simply set the wrong tone for my day and literally muttering ‘mind over matter, mind over matter’ I basically cajoled myself to crawl out of bed and take my antidote – which is to go out for a brisk walk, to get some fresh air and hopefully feel more alive in the process.

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My brisk walk can involve various things depending on my mood, either listening and humming to music that I enjoy with an occasional shake and a jig to accentuate the notes that hit home, listening to a podcast or any talk that piques my interest, venting in my head and going over an argument that I had with hubby and realizing that maybe I should have used a better punchline than I had; mentally deciding to save a punchline and use it to drive home my point, going over my to-do list in my head, making a shopping list, thinking of random stuff and just watching people go about their business…

I had almost come to end of my walk when an idea popped into my head out of the blues and I was so excited at the thought that I made a mental note not to forget to include it in my soon to be executed plans. Right as I turned into the bend leading to our apartment block, I ran into a young dad and a toddler – who by my assessment is barely more that 24 months – attempting to play football, and I slowed my pace to absorb the scene.

The man kept a few paces apart and kicked the ball towards his son. It’s either because the baby was wholly new to the game or wasn’t sure what to do; he missed it not once but four times. After each miss, his dad patiently walked towards him, picked the ball and kicked it again. I was silently rooting in my head for the little one and just as soon as I thought that he would miss it yet again, his little foot finally connected with the ball and he kicked it back with gusto. The ring of his delight and joy from his accomplishment had me applauding both of them and a huge smile made its way to my face.

A brisk walk of 40 minutes not only brought me such unexpected fullness, it drew home several pointers and set a positive tone for my day. During my grudgingly taken walk, I got inspired, I saw love and patience, I saw resilience and joy, I became energized, I gained more clarity and buzz that I wouldn’t have found in my cup of coffee. These little things we often overlook, they are the things that matter.

How is your week going so far?

To love or not to love?

Those who are the hardest to love, need it the most – Socrates

Sometimes, it seems far easier for our peace of mind to walk away from those in our lives who are so hard to love. Such situation is certainly a paradox in life. It can be tough and even most times exasperating loving someone who is indifferent to your attempts. I believe that the problem of such people stems from unresolved issues and they may have developed this mental defensive mechanism as a way of coping and in response to their secret concerns. Do we then stop loving them and walk away?

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Love is a choice; sometimes a deliberate decision. You can’t force it down someone’s throat or make them reciprocate what they don’t feel. I should think that it is far more pragmatic to love such a person and to pray for them from a distance because loving them up close can be mentally exhausting and emotionally draining.

Walking away from them should not be about abandoning them ‘cos love is what feeds and fills our soul. Love does not rush. It is patient! I guess we love them because we hope for and see potential for change.