Archives

We All Grieve – How To Support Someone Grieving

For some reason, some people find the grieving process embarrassing and uncomfortable, thus the tendency for such people is to avoid those who show their pain, or on the other hand, to hide their pain and carry on with life as usual.


Grief, Sadness, How To Support A Bereaved Person

image credit

At some point in time, we all suffer a loss and we grieve, but because majority of people think of grief as that single instance or short period of time of experiencing pain or sadness in response to a loss, many are literally rushed through the grieving process and encouraged to party away their sorrows so to speak.

What many fail to understand is that grieving is a highly emotional process which differs from person to person and can last a long time. No one can tell another how to grieve because you don’t bear their pain.

For anyone who’s going through loss, there are ways that help to mitigate the situation even when the pain is palpable and seems unending.

  • Give it time and always allow yourself the quietness and space you need to be alone. Have a meltdown if you need to. Tears help to rid the body of stress hormones.

 

  • Accept the way you feel, no matter how you feel and don’t judge yourself for grieving over your loss.

 

  • Write it out. Write a letter to your loved one, or journal your thought process about your loss.

 

  • Talk about it with others who have experienced loss. How do they find the strength to carry on? Don’t be ashamed to ask such questions.

 

  • Talk to your lost loved one even if your conversation feels strange and one-sided.

 

  • Look through your old photos, letters, emails or other things that you shared. Relive those wonderful times/and not so wonderful times shared.

 

  • Find a hobby that makes you happy, kick-start a healthier lifestyle.

 

  • Wear something of theirs, like a piece of jewellery, chain, watch…which could instil a sense of closeness.

 

  • Honour them with poetry if you are into writing poetry or a piece of testimonial that you are able to write infused with details of your loved one.

 

  • Take it one day at a time, celebrate life as much as you can, get out more into nature and remember to honour them by living happy and living the way that they would have wanted you to.

Support, Helping Hand, Compassion, Friendship, Love, Caring

image credit

How to offer support to someone recently bereaved and what not to say to them.

  • Don’t avoid someone who’s been bereaved. It only hurts them further. Sending a brief note, text, email, phone call or other means of contact is a good idea.
  • Don’t ever compare the loss of someone’s loved one to the loss of a pet.
  • Don’t tell someone how they’re feeling because their grief is personal and everyone process things differently.
  • Don’t stop someone crying or telling them not to cry. Though this might be meant to be helpful, it seems as if you are shutting them down and asking the person to bottle up their emotion.
  • A reassuring, gentle touch to let them know you are there is sufficient. You are not obliged to say something immediately.
  • Remember that grief lasts long after the delivery of the sad news. Check on the person at regular intervals to know how they are doing.
  • Following the shocking news, the first few days and even weeks may be hard on the bereaved that daily tasks like cooking and eating become difficult. Sending food and offering to help with mundane admin tasks is helpful. Your friend may need extra support.
  • Soon after the death, someone needs to sign the death certificate. This usually falls on a close member of the family and it’s a tough task to do alone. If you are in a position to go with the bereaved ensure that they have all the vital information and documentation required because a death certificate cannot be altered.
  • Attend the funeral if possible. It is comforting to know that there are lots of people to see off a loved one.
  • Be mindful of saying such things like: “they have gone to a better place,”  or “they died at a good age.” There’s never a right age to lose someone you love.
  •  Don’t be afraid to share the minutiae details or funny anecdotes of your day with them. Distracting, normal everyday news of other people’s lives can be comforting.
  • Don’t let fear hold you back from helping. Be someone’s shoulder and listening ear as they walk through their grief.
Advertisements

Need…Save A Friend!

Support, Together, Helping Hands

It hurts my soul
to see people in need
and I can’t help
not because I don’t want to help
but because I don’t have the means
and in such moments
I despise my lean pocket.

How can you be my brother’s keeper when you barely have enough bread to break? Yes, you can! If you’ve got a dollar, that’s a whole lot of coins!Image result for quotes about helping others

Please know that reaching out to share with others is not only when your basket of fish is overflowing, you can have one fish and still share out of it. I run into people – both online and in real time – who are in dire need of support and it leaves my heart aching when I am not able to assist as much as I would like to assist.

I know a number of great folks who have left blogging due to difficulties in sustaining themselves. To exist becomes a hardship when you know or see that no one cares, not to talk about thriving. Please don’t be in a haste to discount those whom you see in these tight corners – life happens.

Help, Help, and Help. There’s a sister amongst us in the blogging community whose constraints are quite dire right now and needs our support – I prefer not to call names for privacy sake, but she reached out to me.

If you can assist her through me, no gift is too small, please do so. Here’s my PayPal link.

On my honour, you have my word that whatever is raised through this means will be given to our friend. Thank you for your generosity.

Jacqueline

Image result for quotes about helping others

Let us not fold our hands in anticipation that others should do that which we can help to do. Together, we can.  Jacqueline

P.S. Because of how important this issue is to me, I want to give this post priority and will not be sharing another post today.

Just a thought

Image result for images of thinking gif

Recently, someone told me that they can’t stand unnecessarily good people because they don’t believe that people are that good.

As a matter of fact, they get suspicious when people are good to them.

What a sad way to think :/

I still believe that there are loads of beautiful and good people in today’s World and you are one of them 🙂

Show some meaningless kindness to someone today.

Blessed be.

Jacqueline

Same thing applies to all of us!

Mankind[1]

EVERY SINGLE ONE OF US IS AN IMMIGRANT!!

You can check other Monday memes on Leannenz platform.


Below is my first just published Poetry Book “Out of the silent breath” which is available on Amazon and Smashwords.

When you buy my book, you support me in an invaluable manner.

 

I absolutely love this book of poems. My favorites are “Love Rations” (for those who love to give the silent treatment) and “Beggars Supper” (which definitely pulls at the heart strings). Two thumbs up!!

Out of the silent breath

If you enjoy my works, you can fuel my creativity with a cup of coffee or a slice of cake 😉

Highlighting the positives…Kindness challenge

This happens to be the season in the year where kindness takes a lot of precedence over here.RevofKindness

I’ve witnessed generous gestures by people around me more than usual, that I can’t help but wonder why we as humans just can’t continue to live like this.

Why should kindness simply not be a common factor in our lives every day, then I also realise that it may not be as easy as I would wish because sometimes, I even struggle to be kind to myself.

For the past week, I have been super-charged with a lot of thoughts of things I need to get done (like how to effectively market my book, how to write the one that I am currently writing, work and life balance and so on) and feeling guilty for not doing as much as I should be doing, that if truth be told sometimes all I truly want to do right now is to just fall into bed, curl up with a book and eat as many bars of chocolate as I can possibly muster, but such luxury eludes me as a working, writing family woman.

Thankfully, taking part in Niki’s Kindness challenge has kept the thoughts of kindness at the forefront of my mind, making me make aware that I should soft pedal and take it a bit at a time in order not to run myself aground and for the past few days I have been consciously attentive to keep my mind focused on the positive things that I have achieved at the end of each day and less highlighting of the negative.

End each day with kindness.

“Be kind to yourself and then let your kindness flood the World.” Pema Chodron


Below is my first just published Poetry Book “Out of the silent breath” which is available on Amazon and Smashwords.

When you buy my book, you support me in an invaluable manner.

 

She is amazing at describing love and life in her poems. She creates such beautiful images with her words. Truly, she is a talented writer and I’m so excited to have her poetry book and to continue reading through it.

Out of the silent breath

Animal kindness…Every day beautiful people – Kindness Challenge

I wanted to join the Kindness challenge right from the onset but with so much on my schedule, I could barely see where to fit it in until an idea struck me that I could tie it with my daily observation of everyday people. I’ll try as much as I can to keep to the challenge for the next few weeks.

However, having always being a people observer, over time, I’ve noted both the lapses in human kindness as well as the beautiful expressions of kindness people show.RevofKindness

The lady below caught my attention during my early morning visit to the park over the weekend.

Pets and strays are not particularly a favourite in this part of the World though people own their pets and learn to keep them behaved, but in the case of strays, they are at the mercy of mercy.

I’d noticed the cute kittens when they wandered closer but within minutes, I was privy to a scene that made me happy.

The kittens seemed to know that their benevolent ‘Cat lady‘ was on her way, so they wandered out of their hidden corner.

She buys food for them from a nearby Waitrose and comes to the park to feed them each day, under the scolding gaze of the groundskeeper.

We had a chat and she related to me on how she had been told off severally by them, but her mind just couldn’t let her be when she thought that they were starving and now the groundskeeper ignores her 🙂

She couldn’t take in pets ‘cos her apartment is ‘no pets allowed.’ We talked about letting an animal shelter know about the little ones and she agreed to look into it and I thanked her for doing what she was doing.

I left with some sense of happiness. Her kindness didn’t go unnoticed.

Cat_lady_3[1] Cat_lady_2[1] Cat_lady[1]

© Jacqueline Oby-Ikocha

Observe kindness around you: “no act of kindness no matter how small, is wasted” – Aesop

P.S. You are invited to our monthly blog party this weekend. It’s fun and you get to meet fantastic folks:-)


Below is my first just published Poetry Book “Out of the silent breath” which is available on Amazon and Smashwords.

When you buy my book, you support me in an invaluable manner.

Out of the silent breath

May I live,

unafraid to breathe.

Free from a choke-hold,

that becomes a stronghold.

May I live,

unafraid to live,

clinging to my expectations,

with feral desperation.

*

*excerpts from my poem*