Tag Archive | sadness

By Day…By Night…

 

By day,
she casts away
the burdens of her ordeal
through the flow of her ink

By night,
she goes back
to live her nightmare
in the silence of the dark

©

Jacqueline

 

Haunted!…

His wife’s cool hands on his shoulders halted Sanders from further destruction as he took another swing at the sculpture with his club.

He couldn’t count the number of times the sculpture taunted him, taking on fiendish proportions in a nightmare until he smashed it to pieces and then made a new one from scratch, once again resembling his tomboyish, young sister with her sweet looking face.

No matter what everyone said, no matter that his mother never openly expressed her blame, he held himself responsible.

What if he always wondered?

What if he had accompanied her to the cinema that fateful night many years ago as their mother had suggested?

Would she be alive now? Would that have deterred the monster who kidnapped her, that by the time her body was found, she was desecrated in ways beyond words?

Sanders was perpetually haunted by these thoughts and it was worse that the monster was still out there.

Unknown and roaming free.

© Jacqueline Oby-Ikocha

InLinkz

Thank you, Phylor,  for the photo and Priceless Joy for hosting this charming platform where we unleash our stories:-)


Below is my first just published Poetry Book “Out of the silent breath” which is available on Amazon and Smashwords.

When you buy my book, you support me in an invaluable manner.

 

She is amazing at describing love and life in her poems. She creates such beautiful images with her words. Truly, she is a talented writer and I’m so excited to have her poetry book and to continue reading through it.

Out of the silent breath

Featured Posts # 35…Let me share your post links.

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‘PLEASE KEEP SENDING IN THE LINKS.’

Today’s featured blogs are:

Family, parenting and beyond Joan’s posts bring it home and keeps it real. Please pay a visit and say hello.

The meantime How do you wait? What do you do in the meantime? I suggest you read this.

Shipwrecked adoption and PTSD POETRY, bares the soul of its writer.

Train up a child I can’t even begin to describe this article from Michelle. It’s an excellent, well-articulated piece. If I could like it more than once, I will do so severally. I enjoyed it.

Letter to God There are words that make you sigh and tear up a bit and this is my comment to this post ‘It takes courage to share vulnerable parts of us and our challenges. He will surprise you. Just keep your faith. I could feel your pain in these words.

Broken Heart How do you mend a broken heart? A beautiful and simple write filled with sound advice.

Discovery When you discover a carnage from robbers, yet they didn’t make off with the loot, what would be your conclusion? Vengeance? Retribution? Well…

Please visit their blogs and say hello. A few minutes may gain you a friendly support.

‘Do you want more eyes on your words?’

Well then, add your LINK INTO THIS LOOP.

P.S. Comments are disabled here to keep the loop tidy. Any comments or link you want to send can be added through the link in the post.

Thank you for your understanding and regards.

‘We create a cohesive community when we come together.’

© Jacqueline Oby-Ikocha

To Cry In The Rain….Friday Fiction In Five Sentences.

Girl, Sad, Crying, Raining, Rain Drops, Window, People

Anna-Gaelle’s desire for self-torture outweighed her sense of self-preservation as she sat in a quiet corner of the pews and watched the proceedings.

She braced herself and kept a stiff upper lip even as tears pooled at the back of her eyes and a lump formed in her throat.

She watched as they exchanged their vows, which sounded like a death knell to her heart.

The brush of their lips as they sealed the nuptials tugged at her in envy and sadness; sending the message that he could never be hers clearly across.

Blinded by tears that streamed unbidden down her face, she stepped out into the drizzle allowing her tears to mingle freely with the raindrops.

© Jacqueline Oby-Ikocha

A Thousand Deaths…

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A Thousand Deaths

I died a thousand times

When you said to me

‘It’s over now’

I carved out my heart

And handed it to you

Wrapped in bows and kisses

Expecting you to know

That to drop my heart

Would cause it to shatter

Fragmented in a million places

But drop it you did.

I died a thousand times

When you died in my arms.

© Jacqueline Oby-Ikocha

The poem above came to me when I read Lily’s heart rending post I don’t know her in real time. I only read her blog now and again.

The broken pain of her heart reverberated in her words.

How do you condole a woman just bereaved of her loving husband?

Indeed, how do you condole any grieving heart that’s lost a loved one?

You cannot! You are simply there to listen, to offer a leaning support and to help as they find their way.

Every one grieves differently.

There’s no specific order or way to deal with this painful reality that life hands out.

Sometimes all we need is a quiet friend.

For this week, here are a few of the posts that I would like to share with you:

Lily’s Better Half

Hold On from Ronovan Writes.

To television or to tell a vision from Tunisia Jolyn.

Flaws can be adjusted from Joe Cosme.

Personally recommended author services and promotion sites from Smorgasbord.

ABC List from talking to my weight loss Counselor I must chip in here that you should watch out for her inspirations for victory over the scales.

Thank you good people.

My regards.

Thirst…Friday fiction in five sentences.

Woman in evening wear and fur coat sits sprawled on the floor with a bottle of wine

She drank till the bottle was empty.

Yet her thirst was no where near being quenched.

The arid dryness that plagues her, is bottled within.

The more she drinks, the worse it gets.

She stares at the rusty blade with bleary eyes.

© Jacqueline Oby-Ikocha

Was I Truly Guilty Or Is It My Mind?…

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There are moments in life that I look back on and wished that it could have turned out differently and this is one of those guilty moments: a letter to the young man that died.

However, with the realization that the past is where it belongs, one can only strive to a brighter present.

I have managed to get above and beyond these feelings by first and foremost, conscientiously working hard at forgiving myself for something that was beyond of my control.

At times, no amount of penance can get rid of the burden of sadness that weighs down on my mind when I ponder on some of the guilt-ridden episodes in my life but the amazing thing is that I have found that the more I reach up and look up to the sky, the less burdened I become.

Through Grace and Mercy which are not of my own will, but by succumbing to faith, hope, prayers, I can actually say, that I have the peace of The Lord which surpasses even my own understanding and that the haunting has ceased.

© Jacqueline Oby-Ikocha

”My Grace is sufficient for you; for my Power is made perfect in weakness: 2 Cor: 12:9.”

 

The Daily Post prompt The Guilt That Haunts Me.

Share a time when you were overcome with guilt. What were the circumstances? How did you overcome you guilt?

 

How Do You Heal A Heartsick Heart?…….HELP me!

sad-black-woman

I know all that I want to say;

There are drafts, lots of them;

The words are not lacking at all;

The ideas are bounteous and overflowing;

Yet I have no words to say anything;

Because I am heartsick!

How do you heal a sick heart?

How do I get my happy again?

I know the words in my treasured Bible;

I know that they comfort me;

I ask for a silver lining in this dark cloud;

But I see nothing; not yet at least;

Is it under my bed?

Maybe I should take a look!

Is it in a bottle?

I have no head for such!

Is it in prayers?

A heavy heart, all I do is sigh!

In the pages of a book?

My drifting mind goes here and there!

Where is it?

But still my heart sickens within me;

I feel empty like a hollow drum;

And I hate to feel this way;

Or to have a pity party;

It is said that time heals;

I think time just covers the sores;

Of oozing wounds;

But the scar tissues are left behind;

To remind us of the battles behind;

I try all the positive pick me ups;

I do hate to be in the doldrums;

I stuff myself with sugary bites;

Hoping to find some delight;

Yet nothing seems to work!

At least I can try to write the pain away!

How do you heal a heartsick heart?

Does anyone know?

Because this struggle is real!

I am human not machine;

I feel things like every other like me;

Despite the upbeat state of mind;

That I choose to maintain;

Sometimes, the pain is so real

It consumes your entire being;

You cannot seem to think of anything else;

The laughter is forced;

The companionship is wanted and not wanted;

The placation placates and annoys;

Your feelings are all twisted and upside down;

Sometimes, I wish that it is easy to stop feeling;

To become an Island and create a buffer around your heart;

That way you loose no one and you feel nothing;

But that would be a sad waste wouldn’t it?

The struggle is real!

Some may think it is a show of weakness;

To wail and to seek for help;

But I know that I don’t have all the answers;

Neither do I care for toughies who know it all!

Tell me; how do you heal a heartsick heart?

P.S. When the grim reaper deals a blow; Someone must be left grappling with the wicked show!

Jacqueline Oby-Ikocha

Tormented Heart….

Grieving

In the doldrums lies my Soul;
Cast in the deep shadows of melancholic sadness;
Adrift with the lack of sense of it all;

I remember your fair sparkle;
Your gentle modulated tones of speech;
Your laughter that tinkles like little bells;
and your eyes that dance in merriment.

No preceding warning;
Not anything at all!
You were here;
Now you are gone;

Like a wisp of wind, floating…floating away;
You have sailed away;
Never to be seen again.

Your dancing eyes sleep, dimmed in forever;
Your gentle ways a resounding loss;
Your sense of humanity gone…so gone…

Oh! My Soul grieves at the pain of it all;
For the young ones that you have left behind;
Their shocked bewilderment and despair;
Staggering at the blow that fate just dealt;

My eyes are dry and tear ducts sealed;
I am in open-mouthed disbelief;
Yet, I remind myself of the transience of life;
That it shouldn’t come as a surprise;
That Souls journey often to another realm;

Yet, it does surprise and it hurts;
I am as sore as an angry bear!
Shall I say goodbye?
I have no idea how…….

Best friendJacqueline Oby-Ikocha

At a point it was sinking sand…

mountain tops

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Mountaintops and Valleys.”

Describe a time when you quickly switched from feeling at the top of the world to sinking all the way down (or vice versa). Did you learn anything about yourself in the process?

Despite conscious efforts not to be a depressing wet blanket, to maintain a sunny and optimistic outlook in life, there are times when life throws you sucker punches that leaves you gasping for breath and almost asphyxiated.  You are left grappling at anything that will keep you from sinking down the bog that is eager and willing to swallow you whole greedily.

I can think of personal events that hit me in the solar plexus and dragged me from high to rock bottom.

I hate to pull out the tissue box, but I have also learnt that talking about these things, helps to heal gaping wounds.

  • The loss of my preemie baby.
  • 2 consecutive miscarriages.
  • The loss of my dad.
  • A car accident that took the life of a young man. I was the driver!

Without expending a lot of adjectives and flowery prose, losing a baby or even a pregnancy plunges one from the delight of expectancy to nothing… to the pits of despair, hopelessness, anger, sadness, and a multitude of emotions that I can barely define. I leave the rest for you to imagine.

Hearing placating words during such occurrence was barely sufficient if not upsetting. I remember when I suddenly lost my 28 week old baby, and a friend said to me “don’t worry, another baby will come” all I asked was whether a child is a replaceable item like furniture?

My dad’s passing was not a sudden event. It was a painful, grueling battle with cancer and it was not the best of times. Watching the strong man whom I loved so much bowed down by a vicious ailment which left him the ‘sufferer’ and those around him stricken beyond words is not something that I would wish anyone.

We fought like Tigers, but we were left beaten, bruised, bloodied and we lost. Knowing that he was ill did not make the pain any less. My sole joy is that I can honestly testify that my late dad was a good, gentle and upright soul. I will always miss him.

Another event that struck like a bolt of lightning out of the blues was a car accident that I was involved in. You might want to read this A letter to the young man that died. That saying, that a split second can change everything about someone’s life remains true.

I did not come away from these experiences empty handed. I have learnt and still learning to live in the moment and appreciate it. That I can be strong when there is no other choice and not to take anyone or anything for granted.

My biggest lesson so far has been a spiritual journey in Trusting, Believing, and having Faith in God. He has been my source of strength, sanity and boundless peace during these stormy times.

If per chance sharing my experience (that it is possible for someone to rise from the shadowy doldrums to face the light) serves as a source of inspiration and hope for anyone, then something positive would have been achieved.

Jacqueline Oby-Ikocha

P.S. No more soppy prompts please. I am out of tissue box. Thank you 😉

Image credit: Sayquotable.com