I killed you and I am truly so sorry!
A dash into a six lane highway in pursuit of something that no one could tell, cost both of us so much.
They called it an accident, yet my spirit has grieved for long and the incident replays itself over and over in slow motion in my head. The screech and skid of the tires, the spinning and the abyss of blackness…
You died! How I came out of that vehicle with just a few scrapes was by the Mercy of God. I felt that I should have been more hurt than I was. The months that followed were extremely hard and it has taken a lot of Grace to forgive myself.
I always ask myself these rhetorical questions:
- What was pursuing you or what were you pursuing?
- What if I had left a tad earlier that day, would that have made a difference or would someone else be saddled with this burden of guilt?
- Should I blame the Local Government for not installing pedestrian crossings on a highway; where it shouldn’t be?
- Should I blame your foolhardy self for dashing into a six lane express by 10:30 in the morning?
- Should I blame fate for putting me in your path and reconcile that it was meant to be?
I don’t drink, neither do I do drugs, so blaming intoxication is even out of the question!
My heart bleeds every moment that I think of this.
Every time that I wonder if you are okay where you are? If you ever had the chance to make peace with your God?
You were in your late 20’s and I wonder what dreams you had for the future; if any at all?
You have forever changed my perspective about life.
I guess I will never know the answers to my questions, but this I know for sure;
I will always offer a prayer for you.