A letter to the young man that died…

The crossDear Sir,

I killed you and I am truly so sorry!

A dash into a six lane highway in pursuit of something that no one could tell, cost both of us so much.

They called it an accident, yet my spirit has grieved for long and the incident replays itself over and over in slow motion in my head. The screech and skid of the tires, the spinning and the abyss of blackness…

You died! How I came out of that vehicle with just a few scrapes was by the Mercy of God. I felt that I should have been more hurt than I was. The months that followed were extremely hard and it has taken a lot of Grace to forgive myself.

I always ask myself these rhetorical questions:

  • What was pursuing you or what were you pursuing?
  • What if I had left a tad earlier that day, would that have made a difference or would someone else be saddled with this burden of guilt?
  • Should I blame the Local Government for not installing pedestrian crossings on a highway; where it shouldn’t be?
  • Should I blame your foolhardy self for dashing into a six lane express by 10:30 in the morning?
  • Should I blame fate for putting me in your path and reconcile that it was meant to be?

I don’t drink, neither do I do drugs, so blaming intoxication is even out of the question!

My heart bleeds every moment that I think of this.

Every time that I wonder if you are okay where you are? If you ever had the chance to make peace with your God?

You were in your late 20’s and I wonder what dreams you had for the future; if any at all?

You have forever changed my perspective about life.

I guess I will never know the answers to my questions, but this I know for sure;

I will always offer a prayer for you.

Jacqueline

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74 thoughts on “A letter to the young man that died…

  1. Oh dear !

    Hugs and Love ❤

    Sadly we can't control everything in our lives. Lord looks at our hearts and forgives us 🙂

    I was thinking it was fiction until I read some of the comments.

    I wish you complete healing and may he rest in peace.

    Love and light ❤

    Anand 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Darling Jacqueline imagine Jesus hugging you tightly and saying, its alright daughter;your times are in my hands peace be still. You are so brave sharing this. Just this morning i was wondering whether i should have asked God to explain more clearly why my brother drowned at sea on a day he and two other siblings were on the beach having a youth fellowship. Still don’t have all the answers but i rest on His unchanging love…may you find peace. It is well.

    Liked by 3 people

    • Thanks my dear sis. I shiver as I read this because a 3 years ago my brother-in-law drowned when he went out to the beach with others. There were no answers to what happened; only God knows. Thank you so much. I thank God for strength, grace and mercy each day. Some days are difficult but he says that his grace is sufficient for me, so I just take it. It is well.

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  3. Oh my! I was already saying in my head that you’ve successfully written another mind blowing fiction until I read the comments. Wow! I can’t begin to fathom what you went through and are still going through. God is your strength dear. Take it easy on yourself.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Oh jacqeline, that must have been very hard on you.I hope you can overcome the guilt and forgive yourself….And the young man rests in peace…:(
    I could feel the pain you must have gone through by reading your post,And it surely must not have been easy for you to write that down…I cannot imagine the way you must feel right now..I hope and wish the best for you.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. What a sad and tragic story. I am so sorry for what happened to you both, you were not to blame of course, but it still must have taken a long time to get over this. I hope the young man is now at rest, and that you can find comfort.

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Touching and heart wrenching. You’re very brave to put it out for all to see but sometimes things happen that are beyond our control. I would never want to experience what you did but my heart hurts for you because I can only imagine what it is you’ve had to go through. As others have said, at first I thought it was fiction until I read some of the comments. I’m so sorry this happened Jacqueline! *Hugs*

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I know someone else who was in a situation like yours. The questions, the guilt, the pain, the prayers, so many things come up and for so long. Thank you for your brutal honesty, and may your life be blessed with the knowledge that, as humans, we are all imperfect. Your Faith has carried you though so far, and it will continue to do so.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Very moving letter. Dreadful thing to have happened and like you wrote, it’s amazing you weren’t physically injured or even killed yourself – or anyone else on the road that day. it could have been so very much worse, though. The emotional injuries of such trauma must have been overwhelming for such a long time. Hopefully writing this has been therapeutic. Best wishes 🙂

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    • Amen to that prayer Nena. It was a battle but each day gets better. Now, I can even talk about it. Before, I couldn’t because it was very difficult. Thank you so much for your lovely words and concern. I really do appreciate it. Have a good weekend 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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  11. Hello Jacqueline,,

    I was desperately hoping that this was another brilliantly written piece of fiction.

    I am so touched by your openness and I admire your honesty. I am certain that God will continue to see you through your emotional healing.

    Lots of hugs from me to you.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Life sometimes slaps us hard in the face, but how we choose to react to it is what matters at the end of the day. We can choose to lie down where we fell, or we get up and face the bull square in the face and try to hobble along. It hasn’t been a sweet sailing journey but Grace, Mercy, Faith, Hope and Favour have partnered with me all through the journey. Thank you so much for your kind thoughts. Some may feel that it is better to keep quiet about certain things but the bible says that the Truth shall set you free and it is a liberating fact. Hugs 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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I love it when you decorate my heart with your words..

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