Tag Archive | Support

Positivity From Adversity

In the toughest of times, it can be difficult to draw upon positivity and inspiration. But, with a change of perspective, these issues can become a well-spring of not only creativity but also happiness!

Happiness, Women, Adversity, Life, Water, Laughter, Friendship, Perspective

Happiness in adversity! Source.

The first change of perspective is:

Plan Accordingly!

Once you fall upon hard times, it can be easy to become lost in a mire of misery and simply think it is inescapable. This isn’t true! If you’re experiencing money troubles, then working alongside a financial planner can help pull you back into the black, and get you back on your feet. Helpful resources exist for advice on how to choose a financial planner – this will not only help you in the short-term but can set you on your way for future success.

Planning doesn’t just apply to monetary issues though. It may be that the adversity you face is the disability of a loved one, maybe even your own child. This can seem overwhelmingly bleak, but if you plan thoroughly you can not only guarantee your own security but secure your loved one’s future and quality of life. Investing in a special needs trust is a neat and secure way of guaranteeing them a stable life, be they young or old, and will free you mentally to enjoy the best of times with them. Life isn’t all about finances, but securing them financially can safeguard future treatments, allowing you to nurture them with love with a reduced weight upon your shoulders.

This leads to the second shift in perspective:

Creatively Document Your Struggles and Successes!

Change can be a good thing! Change can help shift your perspectives and bring you back in touch with the things that really matter. Disabled people aren’t here to inspire us, but still, we can draw inspiration from the experiences of anyone who experiences and overcomes difficult times. If you yourself have difficulties you can channel them into creative outlets such as poetry, or even running an inspirational blog! People all over the world channel difficulty into uplifting stories of how they overcome setback after setback, and you too could join them!

Alongside a properly thought-out and implemented plan for recovery, documenting your journey can bring light in moments of darkness, and can itself become that which best drags you back into the good times! Studies exist as to the value of adversity in the creative mind, and this shows that – even if you’ve gotten into a dark spot of writer’s block (or the equivalent for your pursuit!) – you can haul yourself out with a fresh new perspective to boot.

You can channel yourself into a new hobby, with the little successes you win yourself pursuing those hobbies helping build towards overall wins in your wider life! Perhaps you’ll even take up cooking? Cooking yourself hearty meals can do absolute wonders for your state of mind, and as you get more confident in your abilities you’ll soon be making all sorts of fantastic meals! You’ll have gained yourself new skills, brought some positivity into your life and can even save yourself a little money – all whilst bringing you closer to your loved ones! After all, everyone loves a packed family table and a home-cooked meal! (Of course, you can always channel your efforts elsewhere – hand-knitted gifts go down a treat!)

Hearty soup, Fresh meals, healthy, nutritious, meal plan

A hearty meal does wonders for the frazzled mind. Source.

This is a collaborative post.
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We All Grieve – How To Support Someone Grieving

For some reason, some people find the grieving process embarrassing and uncomfortable, thus the tendency for such people is to avoid those who show their pain, or on the other hand, to hide their pain and carry on with life as usual.


Grief, Sadness, How To Support A Bereaved Person

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At some point in time, we all suffer a loss and we grieve, but because majority of people think of grief as that single instance or short period of time of experiencing pain or sadness in response to a loss, many are literally rushed through the grieving process and encouraged to party away their sorrows so to speak.

What many fail to understand is that grieving is a highly emotional process which differs from person to person and can last a long time. No one can tell another how to grieve because you don’t bear their pain.

For anyone who’s going through loss, there are ways that help to mitigate the situation even when the pain is palpable and seems unending.

  • Give it time and always allow yourself the quietness and space you need to be alone. Have a meltdown if you need to. Tears help to rid the body of stress hormones.

 

  • Accept the way you feel, no matter how you feel and don’t judge yourself for grieving over your loss.

 

  • Write it out. Write a letter to your loved one, or journal your thought process about your loss.

 

  • Talk about it with others who have experienced loss. How do they find the strength to carry on? Don’t be ashamed to ask such questions.

 

  • Talk to your lost loved one even if your conversation feels strange and one-sided.

 

  • Look through your old photos, letters, emails or other things that you shared. Relive those wonderful times/and not so wonderful times shared.

 

  • Find a hobby that makes you happy, kick-start a healthier lifestyle.

 

  • Wear something of theirs, like a piece of jewellery, chain, watch…which could instil a sense of closeness.

 

  • Honour them with poetry if you are into writing poetry or a piece of testimonial that you are able to write infused with details of your loved one.

 

  • Take it one day at a time, celebrate life as much as you can, get out more into nature and remember to honour them by living happy and living the way that they would have wanted you to.

Support, Helping Hand, Compassion, Friendship, Love, Caring

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How to offer support to someone recently bereaved and what not to say to them.

  • Don’t avoid someone who’s been bereaved. It only hurts them further. Sending a brief note, text, email, phone call or other means of contact is a good idea.
  • Don’t ever compare the loss of someone’s loved one to the loss of a pet.
  • Don’t tell someone how they’re feeling because their grief is personal and everyone process things differently.
  • Don’t stop someone crying or telling them not to cry. Though this might be meant to be helpful, it seems as if you are shutting them down and asking the person to bottle up their emotion.
  • A reassuring, gentle touch to let them know you are there is sufficient. You are not obliged to say something immediately.
  • Remember that grief lasts long after the delivery of the sad news. Check on the person at regular intervals to know how they are doing.
  • Following the shocking news, the first few days and even weeks may be hard on the bereaved that daily tasks like cooking and eating become difficult. Sending food and offering to help with mundane admin tasks is helpful. Your friend may need extra support.
  • Soon after the death, someone needs to sign the death certificate. This usually falls on a close member of the family and it’s a tough task to do alone. If you are in a position to go with the bereaved ensure that they have all the vital information and documentation required because a death certificate cannot be altered.
  • Attend the funeral if possible. It is comforting to know that there are lots of people to see off a loved one.
  • Be mindful of saying such things like: “they have gone to a better place,”  or “they died at a good age.” There’s never a right age to lose someone you love.
  •  Don’t be afraid to share the minutiae details or funny anecdotes of your day with them. Distracting, normal everyday news of other people’s lives can be comforting.
  • Don’t let fear hold you back from helping. Be someone’s shoulder and listening ear as they walk through their grief.

What My Mama Said To Me…3

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Mama said to me, baby,

anyone who keeps dragging you three steps back

when you manage to take one step forward,

must be left behind

to admire your back view

as you hustle along.

©

Jacqueline

An excerpt from my work-in-progress.

You can read my book, Unbridled on Kindle Unlimited for free. 

Product Details

Now Available

Amazon

Kindle

What My Mama Says To Me…#1

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My mama said to me
“Baby, don’t look for others to lift you up,
‘cos you’ll be disappointed.”

“Rather, make your shoulders
strong enough to support others
and you’ll rise up with them.”

©

Jacqueline

An excerpt from my work-in-progress.

You can read my book, Unbridled on Kindle Unlimited for free. 

Product Details

Now Available

Amazon

Kindle

 

Share Your Posts With Us

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Let’s keep the loop going.

‘Do you want more eyes on your words?’

Well then, add your LINK INTO THIS LOOP.

Comments are disabled here to keep the loop tidy. Any comments or link you want to send can be added through the link in the post.

Thank you for your understanding and regards.

‘We create a cohesive community when we come together.

When I call Your Name…

Support, Love, Community, Together, Encouragement

As I write this post, the song from ‘Like A Prayer’ by Madonna hums in my head, except that I change it from ‘when you call my name,’ to ‘when I call your name.’

Indeed, it’s a prayer when we beseech others and they attend to us through the kindness of their hearts. Last week, I sent out an SOS post requesting for support from all of you to help me with pushing my new book ‘Unbridled’ and indeed I heard your voices.

Many of you responded with advice, tips, offers, reblogs, featuring and I am working slowly through the list of things to do. I am so thankful for the outpouring of support. I am down on my knees and bless God for being in the midst of the blessings of this community.

Indeed, your voice takes me higher. I am grateful and think of an African proverb that says ‘when relatives help each other, the community grows stronger.’ You are my relatives.

Below is a snippet of review from Aspen Book Tree Reviews

First, I do want to say that some of the poems may be triggering for those recovering from abuse.

Second, I want to say, this is beautiful poetry.

The free verse is strong, descriptive, haunting, lovely.  Jacqueline paints with her words. like an artist.

This is no Monet, this is a Helen Frankenthaler with her bold marks and colors.  There is a section which is written in relation to abuse and some of it is very dark.   Darkness is gut wrenching at times, but the light of hope that shines through is blinding.

My heart agonizes for the girl who has lived through excruciating torment.  But the woman she has become?  She is an Amazon; a warrior of her own heart.

I am very moved by Jacqueline’s words.  I already have my favorites and it’s amazing how Jacqueline reaches in and I feel the warmth.  The last 20 poems are exquisite and delightful.

I give this book a high recommendation, for yourself, for a friend… maybe for an Amazon you know.

Thank you, Jacqueline.  You are amazing.

To Purchase ‘Unbridled.’

Product Details

Amazon

Kindle

 

SOS! I NEED YOUR HELP!!

I would like to crave your indulgence and support. You know the greatest hurdle that lies before any indie-writer is not about getting the book written and published; it’s selling the book. Marketing is a humungous task.

Help, Assistance, Support, Community

Most of us would be enthralled to simply focus on spewing out the words and hoping the books will somehow sell themselves, unfortunately in the self-publishing business, it simply doesn’t work that way and all the best wishes from others don’t sell any books. What works is a pragmatic approach.

As most of you know, I just published my second poetry book ‘Unbridled,’ and going by experience gained from the first book Out of The Silent Breath – which was supported by several friends in this space and helped to instil my confidence to forge ahead – I have to buckle down, dig in my heels and jump into doing the needful.

As we speak, I am still learning the ropes, this is why I turn to all my friends in Bloglandia since I don’t have funds to run big marketing campaigns.

I am trying to create a buzz around ‘Unbridled,’ and would appreciate any support and leg up that I can get from all of you.

Would you be willing to grant me and my book an audience in your blog space, in any form that you deem suitable, such as book feature, blogger interview, book tour, book review etc? Also, if you’ve got pointers in any direction – authors/bloggers who support fellow authors, I would be glad to go begging cap in hand 😉

I understand that asking for support might be a bit imposing, but I also know that this journey is not one that I can embark on alone.

No matter how much I pride myself with the capability of pushing forward by myself, we also have an African proverb that says “if you want to go fast, go alone, but if you want to go far, go together.”

I choose to go far alongside others, even if our walk may be slower. Please help. I look forward to hearing from you.

My regards,

Jacqueline

 

Available in paperback on Amazon

I Am Judging You

‘Why do you write like this,

don’t you worry that people will sit and judge?’

she asked me.

‘I’ve grown too old to worry about being judged;

for judgement has been my portion for as long as I know,’

I replied.

I don’t shield my words in niceties,

afraid to cause you to blush.

I don’t say my words to cause shame,

but yes, I’m judging you.

I can’t pretend that we are friends enough

to write things only relatable

and swallow my words to please you

‘cos that would be dishonest,

I’ll be lying to myself.

Jacqueline Oby-Ikocha is a gifted word weaver whose poems are snapshot vignettes of life to which readers can relate. Her story poems transverse a range of emotions that provokes profound thoughts and evokes dreams and deep desires of the heart.  Deborah Palmer