Tag Archive | Communication

Don’t Keep Me Guessing…

Guessing can be cruel in relationships and I don’t like guessing games even if I sound like Scar in Lion King. This especially pertains to how someone feels.

I won’t leave you guessing how I feel. I say it as it is to me. Sometimes I guess I may be wrong, but I would rather bring it out in the open and we deal with it.

I don’t want you to expect me to guess how you feel and my assumption is that if you expect me to guess how you feel, that means you are either not sure of your feelings or simply don’t feel anything.

I’ve reached a stage in my life where I crave certainty and don’t want to keep second-guessing who, where what, why and every which way and I am working hard to give myself some of that certainty even though we all know that no one knows what tomorrow will bring but we can rightly guess that there will be a tomorrow and the Sun will shine.

Why I say it can be cruel in relationships to leave the other party constantly guessing where they stand, is because it leaves them open to making all the wrong assumptions. A lot of times perception is more powerful than reality and the mind has a way of extrapolating things beyond its right measure which can damage a relationship over time.

So, please leave the guess work at the door of our friendship. When I hurt your feelings let it out and give me a chance to apologize otherwise, guess what? Use the door and close it firmly behind you.

Jacqueline

Linda told me to guess. #SoCS

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Spell it Out! #SoCS

The ‘spell’ prompt that Linda gave us makes me think of a two-pronged approach. I automatically thought of my spelling which seems to get dodgier by the day and the need for people to communicate properly.

I am not a mind-reader,
I can’t tell what you think,
so, why don’t you spell it out?

Say what you mean,
mean what you say,
just simply spell it out.

I don’t like guessing games
I prefer to communicate in clear terms,
for heaven’s sake, please spell it out.

Spelling errors! Quel horreur! I used to be a buzzing bee in spelling and read dictionaries as one would read a book. These days – I don’t know if it’s accountable to ageing, to being too busy, or the fault of the auto-correct that simply jumps to offer a helping hand and provides us with the correct options – my spellings are no longer of the Spelling Bee Champion category.

I have found lots of misplaced e’s and undotted double i’s with crooked t’s and what have you turning up at odd places and some days when I re-read an old article and find myself totally embarrassed to find silly little spelling mistakes here.

Somewhere in my mind lies the correct spelling but my fingers jump ahead of themselves to type something else. Maybe, it’s time again to start taking the dictionary to bed and yes, I shall blame all the spelling faults on auto correct. I think it has cast a spell on people and we now depend far too much on it.

Like most things in our digital lives these days, everything is going autopilot, everything has an app, and the spelling of the younger generation sucks. They don’t even bother to spell fully anymore. Full sentences are broken down into abbreviated jargon and trying to read it simply gives me a headache that most times, I spell out what is written to make any sense of it.

© Jacqueline Oby-Ikocha

Having Delightful Conversations…

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I saw the telephone sitting on a display table in a posh shop.

It’s just so pretty that I want to own one and go back to the times of using such proper phones.

Where you would sit down to take a call, cradling the phone on your lap or by the side stool.

We would certainly have delightful conversations 🙂

Sharing Bedrooms: How To Stop War Breaking Out Between Your Kids

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As a parent, all we really want is peace and quiet – but if you have more than one child, that’s never really the case. If they aren’t playing rambunctious games that you’re worried might just shatter your home into pieces, then chances are they’re fighting as loudly as possible – and this might happen even more if they share a room. Not having your own space can be rough on kids, but luckily there are things you can do to make it easier on everyone.

Set Up Room Dividers

If they’re having problems separating their possessions from each other’s, then add room dividers so that they have the illusion of having their own space. It’s important, especially as you get older, to have your own private space. A lot of kids feel happy and secure knowing they can go into their rooms and close their doors for a little breathing space – but if this isn’t possible for your family, putting dividers across the room might do the trick, whether they’re folding ones or simply a curtain that can be pushed back.

Give Them Separate Storage

You’ve probably already heard numerous fights about who stole someone else’s favourite toy – honestly, it can be exhausting to have to deal with. You can get around this by giving them separate spaces to store their toys and possessions, along with another container for toys that belong to both of them.

Although sharing is a key skill that it’s important for them to learn, it’s also important for them to understand to respect other people’s things.

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Move Furniture To Give Them More Space

If there isn’t much floor space so they tend to be crammed in together, then why not go for children’s bunk beds? This will free up a lot of the room, and it’ll also help them to feel a little more alone as they’re trying to get to sleep at night. Bear in mind that this might make dividing the room into two a whole lot harder – but the extra space might just be worth it.

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Give Them Another Place To Do Homework

Make sure that there’s another place in the house for your kids to do homework or to go to generally be quiet and have their own space. It’s crucial for every child to have their own quiet orderly space to study, and if they’re being interrupted by a sibling in their shared room that might be hard. It’s also important for them to know that if they need to, there’s a place in your house where they can go to chill out and destress and be alone.

Lead Their Communication

It’s important for you to show them what good communication is. Make sure that you and your spouse are always polite and loving towards each other, and that you apologize after any disagreements or harsh words that you might have. If you encourage your kids to do the same thing when they have disagreements with each other, you’ll find that they’ll be kinder and more gentle with each other and that fights will get resolved much more quickly.

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Turmoil – Friday Fiction in Five Sentences

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Her heart thumped in nervous apprehension once she heard his Ford pickup pull into their drive.

What mood would he be in today? Belligerent? Happy? Drunk?

She just never knew what to expect from one moment to the next…explosive anger or a bouquet of flowers.

Of late, living with him was like constantly walking on eggshells.

On second thoughts and in no mood for any confrontation, she quickly turned off the television and tiptoed off to bed.

© Jacqueline Oby-Ikocha

Let’s Make A Call – A Click A Day

Times have changed so much that telephone booths are almost becoming relics now that everyone uses a mobile phone.

I remember years back at home in Nigeria when the phone booths were far and few in-between and the queue as long as half a mile – maybe I exaggerate on the length, but you get the idea – and everyone waited patiently to take their turn to make that phone call.

Friendships were struck on these lines, quarrels picked and fights were fought when someone appropriated the phone for too long. All in all, it was an interesting time.

Nowadays, everyone is bent over their piece of gadget and hardly say hello again.

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The Art of Listening – From the talented Writer and Sewing blogger Nedoux.

I like to think that words hold each other’s hands like best friends, this might have explained the spasms that came when I opened my mouth to speak;  the uncontrollable repetition of words joined side-by-side not unlike Siamese twins.

For the most part, save for its reluctant shadow, my terrible stutter has left me but I don’t miss it as much as it misses me. Surprisingly, our destinies weren’t as intertwined as they seemed after all.  It had a field day when I was younger when the thought of addressing unfamiliar people would make my blood freeze even before my vocal cords froze.

There were meaningful words dancing in my head,  I just couldn’t contain their struggle when they arrived inside my chest. Carefully, I’d strung them together neatly but like children without home-training, I couldn’t control their unruly behaviour when they were let out to play in the open.

Now, I have learned to calm the whirlwind of words that get caught in my throat when I am nervous, excited, even at ease or simply tired. I have managed to suppress my stutter with the habit of speaking quickly. The outcome is a smooth rush of words that board a rocket ship and shoot past my lips.

Yes, I’ve conquered but there’s a price to pay.  I haven’t mastered the art of listening; that engaged silence that lets the person speaking know that they have my undivided attention, assuring them that I am hanging onto their every word.

The thing is this because I speak quickly, the words form just as quickly in my head and need to be released exactly as I’ve arranged them.  And because I am stirring my pot of alphabets rapidly, I place the hat of presumption atop my head, positioning it at a jaunty angle,  thinking that I know what the speaker is going to say even before it comes out of their own mouth.

So, I have my response ready, albeit prematurely and it keeps getting in the way until it becomes a confused symphony of voices, the speaker’s and mine, each trying to overpower the other. A battle of words armed with swords of tongues.

Sometimes, when I lose control of my word-children, I apologise for my now mild stutter. I am mostly sorry that the person that I am speaking with has to go through the pain of plucking out the sense swimming in the sea of jumbled up words.

Perhaps I shouldn’t be so sorry, it is who I am, simply another silk thread specially woven into the fabric that is me.

I suppose we all have the various facets that interlock perfectly to produce who we are; that person that no-one else can be.

Still, I must learn to trust myself more and believe without a doubt that the ropes I have used to harness my words will not slip from my fingers. Then, be still and listen.

© ’Nedu Ahanonu 2016How to sew guipure lace

Nedoux can be found at her blog Nedoux where she talks about life, tailoring and so much more with brilliance and humour that leaves a reader chuckling. I doubt if I’ve missed any of her articles since I started following her 🙂


Below is my first just published Poetry Book “Out of the silent breath” which is available on Amazon and Smashwords.

When you buy my book, you support me in an invaluable manner.

 

Jacqueline writes from her heart on passion, pain, suffering, loss and LIFE. I have been incredibly moved by her poetry and I know I will return to “Out of the Silent Breath” again and again.

Out of the silent breath

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