My heap of clay feet is so huge that it’s too heavy to be placed on a pedestal. I am covered in bruises of flaws.
I am bandaged and sore all over from the blight of character that I suffer.
Grace and mercy saved me from the blisters of slavery to my flaws and I hardly know where to start, but what I know for sure is that I am truly glad for the gift of self acceptance and discovery.
Before I got married and had children, my patience level was low and needed room for improvement. In simple terms, I did not suffer fools gladly.
However, with the arrival of my darling, yours truly, my young patience was stretched thin, that there were times I wondered if God was having a chuckle as fate deliberately paired me with a man who is my direct opposite and who would drive me crazy with his own eccentricities.
Then the arrival of children stretched it further, yet, surprisingly made it stronger and more elastic to such an extent that the level of my patience in recent times astounds even me at times.
I used to worry incessantly. I worried about my family. I worried about tomorrow. I worried about the state of the World and everything worth worrying about up until the ministrations of the Holy Spirit made me realize that worrying about issues beyond my control was simply exhausting, fruitless and non-purposeful.
I learnt to start casting my burdens unto The Lord as minutiae as they may be and over time, I have noticed so much improved difference. The trials and lessons were actually meant for my own long term benefit.
It’s really an endless list but, something that I know for sure is that, not only is my evolution a transforming liberation for me, but also a spiritually refining progress.
Without doubts no one can claim to be flawless. Even the Saints were Sinners at some point in time in their lives.
Not saying no was a problem I battled with for a long time. I was always going above and beyond to assist people and this left me feeling pressured and even created very uncomfortable situations for me in the past.
A lot of times, once someone came to me with their issues, I sought ways to help alleviate their challenges, to help them as much as I could, until I learnt that people will bleed you for whatever you are worth until you become a limp rag and that saying no, is not a crime.
Back then not being able to readily assist someone practically gave me depression. I was left with the feeling of failing to help, which would sit within me for quite some time, even when I knew that I was not in a position to offer the assistance that they sought at that point in time.
At some point in time, I was a member to so many groups and serving in the group in one capacity or the other, that my life was always hectic and inundating.
It was in praying for myself that I realized that my sanity mattered more than what other people thought about my declining their offers and requests, so I started chopping off the strings to make space for me to breath.
Now, saying no is not a hardship, especially when I don’t feel spiritually in tune with the request.
I am not in a bid to impress anyone and if I am in a position to help someone, or to serve, I go ahead and do so, on my own terms.
If I am not in a position to help, I simply state that fact and it is what it is.
Mum, now that I have grown old enough to know better, I am sorry for wasting your funds in the past; this apology was long overdue. Thank you WordPress for reminding me.
You painstakingly paid for several sessions of holiday piano classes with my primary school music teacher, but it seemed like a waste of precious childhood vacation time in my eyes, not when some of my playmates were busy playing hopscotch next door.
So, I hopscotched away my time and never got past clumsily tapping little ditties and the ‘do re mi fa so la ti do’ of piano things.
In simpler terms, I played truant with my piano lessons and I received a thorough telling off, a note-worthy smack and cancelled piano lessons since it appeared that I had no appreciation for the fineness of music.
Who knows, maybe if I had stuck to it, I might have struck the right chord and become a musical child prodigy.
Please don’t dare chuckle when I say that I am now expending my own money trying to play catch up with the piano lessons that I should have learnt back then 😃
However, I am not totally a lost cause, I did learn how to play the flute quite well and it’s not such a bad thing, just that it leaves me breathless.
Do you play an instrument? Is there a musical instrument whose sound you find particularly pleasing? Tell us a story about your experience or relationship with an instrument of your choice.
As a matter of fact, I have been stung twice in my life by Scorpions!
The first time was as a very curious young toddler playing in a rubble of stones with playmates and I got a shock of a sting from an annoyed scorpion that I must have disturbed while rummaging.
The pain of that episode has receded to parts of my memory that I can’t quite recall, but my mother remembers quite well.
The second incident was as a teenager in boarding school who was rushing to the refectory from prep in the evening.
I unwittingly stepped on my enemy once again and the pain of that sting scarred a part of my mind forever.
The burning degrees of pain, when the venom from the sting of a black scorpion crawls up one’s leg are very memorable and would make a grown man cry.
The scorpion in this picture was captured through my lens, at a safe distance in a rain-forest reserve.
Wearing a crown painstakingly made by my younger brother 🙂
My dearest darling daughter,
I watch in awe as you edge on the cusp of teenage-hood, so fast, so soon, since it seems just like yesterday that your cute, squiggly and warm self was handed into my arms and you truly became mine.
I still relive your valiant struggle to surmount all the challenges faced by a tiny preemie and as I look at you today, my tall elegant child, it is in amazement of God’s goodness and grace over your life.
Daughter mine, my gentle unassuming child, in my minds eyes, I remember your tiny arms outstretched to me so many times as you uttered, ”carry mama” always a toddling step behind my feet.
Now, look at you! My beautiful budding young child, full of her own dreams and aspirations andbright as the morning star.
The love that I have for you cannot be expressed fully with words and my heart burgeons with so much delight with The Heavens for allowing you to be mine.
I say this so that you may always know, that even if you look back tomorrow and I am no where to be found, that I love you to the ends of time.
That I love you unconditionally and irrevocably.
Know that as your wings grow and are stretching to fly, that I pray for you today and always.
I pray that your star will always shine as bright as The Heavens created it to be.
I pray that you will soar like an Eagle and that wisdom will always follow you.
I pray that deep peace that flows like the oceans of time will always be your portion and the flow of your joy shall be like a river.
I pray that the generosity and compassion of your heart will continually expand.
I pray that abundant Grace will be your daily cloak, that favour will be your portion and that the Mercy of God will never depart from you.
I pray that your courage will be boundless as you grow into a confident, strong lady, filled with faith, hope and love.
I pray deeply that life will treat you well. Be blessed. Be happy. Be well.
Happy 12th my precious girl Nnenna, Adaobi, Christine, Mmesomachukwu.
There are moments in life that I look back on and wished that it could have turned out differently and this is one of those guilty moments: a letter to the young man that died.
However, with the realization that the past is where it belongs, one can only strive to a brighter present.
I have managed to get above and beyond these feelings by first and foremost, conscientiously working hard at forgiving myself for something that was beyond of my control.
At times, no amount of penance can get rid of the burden of sadness that weighs down on my mind when I ponder on some of the guilt-ridden episodes in my life but the amazing thing is that I have found that the more I reach up and look up to the sky, the less burdened I become.
Through Grace and Mercy which are not of my own will, but by succumbing to faith, hope, prayers, I can actually say, that I have the peace of The Lord which surpasses even my own understanding and that the haunting has ceased.
In my young mind, when my grandma used Igbo (African) proverbs like ”no matter how much a goat frowned its face, its owner still had to take it to the market to sell’‘ I literally thought she was talking about her goats.
She used to raise some goats that were either sold or killed to celebrate special occasions, and I recall looking at the faces of the goats with curious eyes to determine how they frowned.
It took maturity for it to dawn on me that the proverb was meant to address issues that we were either dodging to do or were difficult to do, yet they needed to be done.
Maybe, I should liken myself to the frowning goat in the proverb above.
For the past few days including today; though today has been super-charged busy for me, I have found every busy reason to dodge sitting down and working on my book.
I know that I could find half an hour to squeeze in yet…
Well, I say to myself, the book will not write itself lady!
Get moving! No matter how many excuses made it still has to get done right?
Like my people would also say; ”if the child likes, he should play pranks all day, his portion to weed at the farm will still wait for him.”
I am sure there are other frowning billy and nanny goats as well as pranksters like my dear self, who are using all the bucking tactics available to skirt around the needful 😉 ‘fess up to your misdeeds and lets get it rolling.
Once again, izzyasabee thank you for the invitation to take part in the three quote challenge which I have concluded and will be moving on to the next round of invitation from Vincent Wambua.
I call on these gems of my blogging World to join the fun.
There are things that I do often and quite enjoy doing. A lot of these things are physical and some are not.
I cook every day to keep myself and my family well nourished. One of the dishes that features in most West African homes is Jollof Rice. Maybe, some day, I will share the secrets of Jollof with you 🙂
I dance a lot too. Not the gymnastic, acrobatic tumbling all over the place, but I dance virtually everyday to the tunes of my music of the moment. However, I guess except I turn to you-tubing, I may not be able to teach you much about my dancing.
I write ever so often. I don’t bother tallying the amount of time that I spend penning something because writing to me is akin to breathing, laughing, reflecting and crying through my fingers.
I have been known to write on serviettes or tiny bits of receipts to catch that fleeting thought – and you need to see me on the days that I am scrambling through my bag trying to find that little piece of tissue on which I wrote something 😉
I actively search out ways to maintain a balance of my inner peace of mind in a chaotic life.
I am not a religious fanatic, but I am unapologetically a Christian.
At most times, I am a peaceful, humorous, friendly, loving and hopefully a kind human.
Let me share with you the little things that I do to create peace within and around. Maybe, we share somethings in common:
I dwell on positive thoughts – even if it is just one thought that I meditate on each day.
Walking or finding an hour to exercise either very early or much later in the day. It clears the cobwebs in the head and helps my health as well as the waist line 😉
Those thoughts that bug me, I write them down and them take time to tear the piece of paper into bits. Its a way of releasing and letting go for me.
Sometimes, wacky it may seem, I go into the bathroom, face the mirror and just speak my mind, make faces …
I say my mind if someone has hurt me and I move on. I let go of grudges as quickly as before I go to sleep.
I am always quick to apologize if need be. No need aggravating and dragging an issue that can be quickly nipped in the bud.
I doodle, draw and reflect as I draw. The doodle in the picture was my last work done two days ago.
Writing happy stuff.
Searching out amusing things to read or watch and laughing out real loud. I like people who can make me laugh.
Having a date with myself at least once a week. It could be going to the park, spa, museum or as simple as a cafe alone.
Rest when I am tired (still working on this though, because sometimes other events overtake my intentions).
Honesty is a key in life that I don’t compromise on and practice. Especially in my relationships.
Talking to people and not just family and friends. Total strangers too.
Minimized drastically the amount of time spent watching TV.
Keeping away as much as possible from negative and toxic conversations.
Working consistently towards my passion and financial goals.
Avoiding the spirit of envy and jealousy as much as possible and giving myself a hard telling off once I see the green eyed monster rearing it’s ugly head.
Accept those things that cannot change and leave bad memories in the past where they belong.
Learning to be more patient and tolerant with family, friends and everyone else.
Trying to focus my mind on what needs to be achieved at the moment and living in the moment and keeping it as simple as possible.
These things translate to my inner peace which leads to external peace. What one does not have they cannot give.
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a cooking pot and twisted tales 