A link to my neighbours/Community · Creative Writing · Family · Humor - Bellyful of laughter · Life · Short Stories Series

Bridegroom Wanted! Urgently!…

November 7, 2015 jacquelineobyikocha37 Comments

Tess stares around her tiny, sparsely furnished apartment in contemplation.

Her last purchase, a lovely ornate antique mirror, found during one of her forays in a delightful rustic gem of a store, stood in a corner, reflecting the soft glow of the early morning sun.

Time to go foraging for more things, she thinks. Those antique stores sell all manners of lovely odds and ends with lots of character and a story lurking somewhere in the background. ”That hand carved chest of drawers was simply gorgeous.” ”I wonder if it’s still available?”

Slowly but surely, her bohemian taste in furnishing her apartment will be a signature of hard won independence. It had been a major feat to move out of her parents home.

“Who still lives with their parents in their late 20’s, in this day and age?”

Her thought of age draws her like magnet to the mirror.

She stares a bit sullenly at her reflection, pursing her lips as she assessed herself from side to side.

Her figure is still arresting. Flat taut tummy and nicely shaped rump. Lovely peaks – check √

”Not bad at all, if I must say so myself, she thinks in her head.”

”I may not be drop dead and roll over gorgeous but I sure look good!”

”Those heated gazes of appreciative eyes when I traipse down the street cannot be a lie”, she reasons.

”Yet here I am a week to the big Three 0 and no flicker of romance in my life”, her musings carried on.
A critical look at the mirrored face does not yield a wrinkle.”Not yet”, she utters thankfully.

”Not a birthday to look forward to.” ”Going over to the house, mama, as usual will be looking at me in expectation of news as if I can conjure a husband with the wave of a wand.”

”Hmm! Maybe, it’s really time to try this online dating!” ”I will talk to Kate to give me the low-down.”

It seems to be going alright with her new online boo – after many disasters, but like they say, you may need to kiss several frogs before you find your prince….

To be continued..

From my neighbours chest of drawers, the interesting things that I found:

A tribute to The ageing from Lavanya’s chambers.

The mind of a child from A Momma’s view

Without Hope all is lost.

Writers block dissolver system found via the stables of Wallace Cass

Fascinating peeks of India’s holy city of Benares discovered through the auspices of Christian Mihai.

Just a few 5 daily reminders for you.

I found this article of very the intelligent idiot humourous. 😉

These crafts are truly delightful 🙂

I really lub dis one shown to me by Itsgoodtobecrazysometimes really warmed my heart.

As much as possible, I tried not to allow my mind and heart to be affected by racial inflections but sometimes you read something that tugs at you like when you are born black.

That’s it from me folks.

It’s a good day today. Be blessed and enjoy your weekend.

Who would like to dance with me? Puhleeeez 😉

Humor - Bellyful of laughter · The Daily Post · Travel · Writing

Hop On! It’s a Rambling Voyage…

November 5, 2015November 5, 2015 jacquelineobyikocha34 Comments

Asides from desert nomads who even own 4 wheel drives these days, we no longer have to travel for days on end in the dusty trail of a pony.

I love traveling and have explored as much as I can through different modes of what I refer to as reasonable transportation.

I haven’t tried the hot air balloon yet and my over zealous imagination goes into overdrive at the thought of such an experience. I doubt very much if I will.

I love cycling on my stationary bike and the huffing and puffing is enough for me. I am not sure that I will manage to get far on a bicycle. I probably won’t get to see much as I huff all the way and then have to worry about a sore butt at the end of it all.

A plane is quite expedient to nip about in, because it gets you there faster especially for long distance travel, but asides from the airport excitement of removing your belts and buckles and shoes and what not, the only view that you have for endless miles in the air (held up only by gravity) are clouds in different shapes and sizes and the view of the geographical terrain below from 30,000ft and that is if you are lucky enough to sit by the window because I doubt if your neighbour would appreciate your leaning over their pot belly every few seconds to peek out of the window.

I must admit that I am not particularly fond of take offs, turbulence and landings and these days that planes have taken to falling out of the sky at cruising altitude, that is something additional to worry about.

My guess is that we will get on board, grit our teeth, hold our breath and the seat of our pants and recite our prayer beads for those inclined to do so.

I am a very visual person because this stokes my imagination so I truly don’t mind traveling by road on a bus or a private car. However, that was less tedious when I didn’t have children tagging along.

For a trip that takes more than 3 hours to arrive at your destination, prepare your mind for a thousand times of asking “are we there yet”, keeping them engaged, countless pit stops for coffee, donuts and restroom runs and some possibility of getting lost too.

Our best trip so far was a six weeks tour of Europe via Euro-star TGV. I felt like Agatha Christie on an expedition. It was simply awesome and I met lots of interesting characters on the train.

The sights taken in from London to Paris, Madrid, Geneva, Zurich, Belgium, Amsterdam and environs were absolutely wonderful and I wanted to share my love for Europe with my family. It is an experience that I am looking forward to repeating.

Well now, I had an experience with a camel on a desert safari and I daresay that a short ride is all well and good. I respect those who sit on it for days on end. I simply don’t look forward to having legs bowed from hours of straddling such wide girth and the camel experience is worth a post in itself.

In response to The Daily Prompt Trains, Planes and Automobiles

You’re going on a cross-country trip. Airplane, train, bus, or car? (Or something else entirely — bike? Hot air balloon?)

Family · Humor - Bellyful of laughter · Life · Love · Personal story

In Many Ways, We Become Our Parents…

November 4, 2015November 4, 2015 jacquelineobyikocha27 Comments

One of the voluntary days spent teaching children etiquette in a school in Lagos — **One of the voluntary days spent teaching children etiquette at a school in Lagos**

Except where parents are as mean as rattle snakes, during their formative years, most children look up to their parents as their heroes or role models without clay feet and worthy of emulating.

They soak in mannerisms, attitudes, lifestyle and a host of character moulding outlooks from those who have been placed in positions of authority as their custodians. This serves as a reminder that it is very needful to exercise diligent caution in writing positively all over the clean slate of life of these young ones whom we are responsible for.

Recently, I find myself gravitating towards a lot of things that my parents used to do and those that they inculcated in me in years that I hardly knew anything.

I catch myself these days, repeating certain statements that my mother makes.

The wise adages and idioms which laced my fathers enunciation’s line my speech and thoughts every other day.

Asides from working for the University until they both retired, they both dabbled into so many other things such as side businesses, farming, arts and craft etc. and I can proudly say that maybe I did inherit some art skills and entrepreneurial abilities from them.

Though it seems I haven’t been a successful green-fingers like my dad. I think my lack of success has been out of sheer laziness. Plants thrived under dad’s fingers, but in my own case, I have been more inclined in putting in the plant into the soil, watering and whispering to it a few times, then with a pat on the head, I stroll along, expecting the sapling to know what to do and to thrive. Of course the poor young sapling either strives to thrive or dies trying

Career wise, I did dabble into working in a school environment for a while but it didn’t hold my interest for too long. I reverted to volunteering my time to school work.

My mother told us a lot of stories when we were growing up and since we have long flown the coop, she currently enjoys the pleasure of volunteering her story moulding services regularly to the children’s church and it is always impressive to see how these children hang on to her and adore her. They call her mummy ever so often that I even feel twinges of jealousy occasionally.

I think I must have acquired storytelling genes from her.

I cannot recollect making conscious decisions to follow in their footsteps, but I catch myself sliding in directions that they have taken and it does make me ponder for a moment….maybe, I am becoming my parents. Who knows, I may still become a plant-whisperer as the days go by. Not a bad feeling at all is it? 🙂

In response to NaBloPoMo prompt – Wednesday, November 4

When you were a kid, did you want to have the same job or a different job than your parents when you grew up?

Humor - Bellyful of laughter · Little rants · The Daily Post · Writing

At your own risk ‘cos I kick scary butts!….

November 1, 2015 jacquelineobyikocha24 Comments

There is no one in the room with me, except my lazy feeling self, the quarreling voices in my head telling me to ignore you, WordPress and the television which I have put on mute to dispel all the bad news floating in and disrupting my creative juices; though I like the flickering bursts of colour so I leave it on.

It’s fun at times to look at the yammering lips on TV, not hearing what they are saying, using your imagination to figure it out and laughing at nothing – please don’t think I am crazy, just the creative juice in overload today.

I am home alone and I can tell you I am tougher than Macaulay Culkin, so don’t get any ideas of sneaking in!!

The children and their Papa should be stepping back in pretty soon and they can terrorize with well aimed bites, kicks, ladles, pots and pans; you have been forewarned!

So, I will have well fortified backup even though I trust my screeching techniques well enough.

Any attempt for any fear or scary stuff to sneak in, is at it’s own peril!

I am amply armed with my heavy wielding bible, my certified holy water that will turn you into mush in a sprinkle of an eye, my gleaming prayer beads and a nice weighty crucifix for beating sound sense into the scare source for attempting to give me nervous breakdown.

Maybe, I should quickly place an order for chainsaw – the Chinese are known to deliver rapidly, what do you think? Getting more gory right?

Well, I have advertised my ammunition at no price.

Should you, FEAR, venture to come in, a crucifix bludgeon, a screech with bible quotes, a hasty recital of the beads and a sprinkle in the eye and you will be transformed magically, finding yourself pressed willy-nilly into the church choir!

Well now, this is the silliest prompt response I have given so far, to a repetitive prompting.

This prompt about fear was addressed in a roundabout way just a few days ago and this was my response.

Now let me go and bring my casserole out for dinner.

Goodnight and don’t let the bed bugs bite 😉

In response to The Daily Post prompt 1984

You’re locked in a room with your greatest fear. Describe what’s in the room.

Humor - Bellyful of laughter · The Daily Post · Writing

Nothing to be Tricked about…

October 31, 2015November 1, 2015 jacquelineobyikocha36 Comments

This prompt is a bit difficult to sink my teeth into, but I am going to try to teleport back to the States for the trick a treating.

Halloween is still novelty and at infantile stage here in the United Arab Emirates, even though I saw some costumes and scary masks displayed in the shops, I observed that it is mainly people of Western culture that ventured to those aisles.

With the insularity of inhabitants in this place, my presumption is that the parents will be filling their children’s candy bags themselves. I am doubtful that there will be much knocking on doors going on.

On the other hand, let me let you in on a secret, if the truth be told, we African Nations are not particularly fond of celebrating Halloween.

Ha! It almost seems as if we are inviting the trouble of the dead and buried by doing so 😉

Hei! Biko kwa! (I speak in my vernacular to help you understand the seriousness of the affair), why would we want to go invoking the spirit of the dead who should be resting very well in peace?

Mbanu!

May All the Saints please remain nicely hallowed in their allotted portions at the cemetery.

Nonetheless, since I like the kids in the neighbourhood, if I were in the States, I shall spare them some candies the following day when all the saints have gone back quietly to their various abodes 😉

Enjoy the short skit below.

Quick Glossary:

Ha! An exclamation in this case meaning ‘What!’

Hei! Another exclamation like ‘Oh dear’

Biko kwa: Please/I beg your pardon.

Mbanu. NO, indeed!

In response to The Daily Post prompt Trick or Trick

Let’s imagine it’s Halloween, and you just ran out of candy. If the neighborhood kids (or anyone else, really) were to truly scare you, what trick would they have to subject you to?

Humor - Bellyful of laughter · Little rants · Social critic · The Daily Post

A Comic Race to the White house…

October 26, 2015 jacquelineobyikocha36 Comments

One seat, too many feet!

Trampling on toes, ready to defeat,

Like Badgers and Otters!

We watch as they dance to the beat.

One politician barks and takes painful bites,

Armed thoughts with flying spittle, laden down for a fight,

Indeed it is quite a sight!

In mad glee the thatch flies off the hook,

It’s plain to see there’s not much in his nook!

From too many tweets,

Not very discreet,

One politician tells tall tales,

It’s difficult to tell,

Which side of the face to face,

There is drought in this place!

One politician sleeps on his feet,

It’s a wonder what will happen to the seat?

Will he slumber?

Like a lumber?

This is simply, just not it!

One politician reckons since there’s no anarchy,

Maybe it’s my turn, let’s form a monarchy,

O! It’s tiring to watch the entire malarkey!

In response to The Daily Prompt Snark Bombs, Away

Try your hand at parody or satire — take an article, film, blog post, or song you find misguided, and use humor to show us how.

Humor - Bellyful of laughter · Inspiration - Motivation · The Daily Post · Writing · writing ideas

I must have been born exclaiming!

October 21, 2015October 21, 2015 jacquelineobyikocha59 Comments

I do exclaim quite a bit, even in real life! I think we Africans tend to like a bit of drama, with all the Ahs! Ohs! Hei! O’s, Ehh’s! Hmm’s! that dots our spoken words to emphasize the thoughts that goes with the words.

So genetically, I practice this as a true African to help you get the drift of my thoughts!

I very well can’t add all the hmm’s and hah’s to my writing or can I?

I think those punctuation marks were created for a purpose and I am not even sure that I am using enough of them!

Therefore, when I am making an expression that goes on and on and I am not sure how to do that, I use continuous spots or should I say dots! It represents a pause……., so that you can mull over that thought!

I love little bits of colours here and there ( sometimes, I think I am a magpie that is forever attracted to shiny stuff).

I love to smile too! Even on paper. 😊 Well, not on my thesis, I guess Master Prof. will not find that very impressive and will assume that it is a lame attempt at buttering up 😕

When I write, a lot of times, if I don’t have my headphones on, I say out my words as I type or write them, as though you are in here with me and I try to simulate your answer and how we would twist the topic to 7 Sundays.

My pencils do suffer anxiety attacks from not knowing which of them I will chew to bits the following day and my keyboard has suffered a nervous breakdown a time or two.

My family have grown used to the queer awesomeness of this Lady of the Manor and my husband’s roll of his eyeballs when my laughter gets raucous makes me share tidbits of juicy bits from this awesome community.

Sometimes, most times, I have to reduce my words when I am bursting with so much to say. I keep silent in my head to allow you get in a word sideways as well.

It is a shame that the banter we share has to zip through the cyberspace, bypassing some
word- nappers across all the oceans before making it safely to you and sometimes it takes forever to arrive.

No, I am not a mad-hatter, but I do have my writing and real side quirks which makes me who I am.

That’s some of my quirkiness (I hear that they grow as you get older). So let me know about yours.

Jacqueline Oby-Ikocha

In response to The Daily Post prompt By The Dots

We all have strange relationships with punctuation — do you overuse exclamation marks? Do you avoid semicolons like the plague? What type of punctuation could you never live without? Tell us all about your punctuation quirks!

Humor - Bellyful of laughter · Musings · Personal story · Social critic

Gossip…

October 16, 2015October 17, 2015 jacquelineobyikocha19 Comments

That sizzling piece of news about someone, burning your lips like hot potatoes, that you can’t wait to spit out; all mangled up and embellished with your juices to sweeten the tale, It’s called gossip. As delicious as it can be, its dosage can equally be very virulent and in some cases destructive.

The hair salon was quite modern and well kept. Better than a couple of African owned hair shops that I had been to. It was my second visit, and I came back because I was satisfied with the first job.

It was spacey (I hate cramped quarters) with white ceiling boards and studio lights running in the center of the ceiling. They had comfortable black swivel chairs and independent work stations with large mirrors from wall to wall, giving you (the customer) vantage views of all sides of your hair-do and allowing a spot check, on progress with your braiding (it can be a tedious assignment to sit and braid one’s hair). The walls were painted lilac and pink and the black and white linoleum floor covers were spotless. I liked the place.

I was right on time for my appointment, but the ladies were adding finishing touches to a guy’s hair-do. I watched in fascination and wondered to myself, why a man who could easily shave his hair and have some peace would choose to sit through torturous hours of fixing tiny hair pieces and twisting his hair a few strands at a time. I shook my head in my mind, wondering what I would give for such wonderful opportunity to have water cascade down my head in the shower at every blissful given moment.

It got to my turn eventually and the butt numbing, knuckle cracking job of looking beautiful started. My head is pulled ~~every which way~~ by the fast and deft fingers of the three Ivorian stylists, whilst they chattered to no ends on top of my head in their broken French.

I was privy to all the inner life details of the last customer. He had been their good customer for a while, but the amount of disdain and blistering comments they made about the poor paying guy was disturbing. I decided not to become a good customer, there and then.

I was entertained with possibly embellished stories of auntie Jolie, and how she was cheating heavily on her dear, faithful husband. I also learnt that she was a kleptomaniac. I knew that these viperous women would be a source of someone’s broken marriage sooner than later.

Lo and behold, to my utter surprise, these women started talking about me and about Nigerians, in French of course, and on top of my paying head. I could barely keep still. I struggled very hard to keep my tongue in my mouth and I waited patiently – as I did not want to leave the salon in a huff with my hair half done. I listened in chagrin as they analyzed my sizable anatomy and evaluated my entire outfit.

What I really found perplexing was the blatant attitude of throwing caution to the wind and engaging in unprofitable talk that can only get them into trouble one day. It was also very presumptive to think that because I am not Ivorian, I obviously would not understand their french. Very erroneous speculation because, unbeknownst to them, I speak French as well as I speak English.

My hair was finally done, but I deliberately made a little fuss about the smoothness of the braids; which by the way was okay. I made them redo several whilst they cursed me out under their breath and I had my tongue in my cheek.

Finally satisfied with my hair-do, I stretched my entire length of 5’11” to its limits and in Parisian French, I chewed off their ears and castigated them for their porous lips and careless tongues. I was satisfied with the mortified looks on their faces (not that it will make them stop gossiping), and I would have loved to see how many shades they could turn into but unfortunately, they are too dark to blush.

I walked away, a satisfied customer, no tips were paid.

I however want to leave you with a thought: Gossip is not a sport to engage lightly in and it’s sharp two-edged points can equally be turned on the propagator. I don’t think one ever wants to get involved in a case of come and repeat what you said. It can be very distasteful.

Blogging · Devotions · Hope · Humor - Bellyful of laughter · Inspiration - Motivation · Love · The Daily Post

Soothing, Still Healing Waters….

October 15, 2015 jacquelineobyikocha18 Comments

I get to be a Patron or should I say a Matron Saint? You don’t say!

What an honour! I would like to be the Matron Saint of the Healing Waters!

It would be a glorious opportunity to serve Christ and my Saintly powers will be synonymous with healing of all ailments which is the bane of mankind; in all its forms and ramifications.

I need no unnecessary fanfare or dodgy attention of business men who will try to peddle stuff in my saintly name.

There will be no hocus-pocus, quackery or questionable required acts involved. Just effective healing in the soothing, still pristine waters for those who seek me out.

It would be sufficient reward to see faces etched in smiles from the healing and regained health of suffering souls (and of course, no dropping of garbage in my pristine waters please).

I have seen enough homes and hearts pierced with wedges of cancer and the likes; mine included!

Now that would indeed be a dream 🙂

In response to The Daily Post prompt TRUE SAINT

In 300 years, if you were to be named the patron saint of X, what would you like X to be? Places, activities, objects — all are fair game.