Tag Archive | Society

Dissociative Identity Disorder: Anger and Shame

There are posts that I read now and again and I’m at such loss to express my thoughts which is a rarity.

Art by Rob Goldstein

Art by Rob Goldstein Found on Pinterest

I assume my DID is more clearly visible on social media, but even in Second Life,
when some of the alternates logged in with separate accounts and avatars,
most people assumed I was really good at role play.

Most of my friends describe me as talented, bright, positive, passionate, and
compassionate.

But I’m also depressed, impulsive, sometimes self-destructive, suicidal, and self
loathing.

I experience depression as if it is a separate self because it feels as if I see the
world through another man’s eyes.

This depressed self impulsively acted out when we  were younger.

He usually wound up in crisis clinics and on psych units.

We’re older and better at coping when the depressed self comes out;
but coping takes so much energy there is little left for anything else.

When I tell people I am symptomatic what I mean is that I have all

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Chastity breached – Writers Quote Wednesday Writing Challenge.

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Harsh reality destroys innocence. Jacqueline

Chastity breached;

innocence is stolen;

when no eyes were looking.

Bewildered child-hood;

bore pain of betrayal;

with the mask of innocence.

Beneath multi-layers;

lies an embittered spirit;

deprived of girlhood innocence. 

It’s never a comfortable topic to write about the abuse of the girl-child and even grown women and an issue most would like to wish away and hide under the veil of humour. Yet, the statistics and spate of abuse and violation of females are horrendous.

A lot of times, violation comes from close quarters. These incidents leave a not so strong female broken, disillusioned, embittered and bearing the burden of guilt and shame. Her silence costs her everything and it takes a lot of grace for a victim to overcome the burden of violation.

Society has not helped by casting silent and even vocal blame on victims, thereby making their burden a lot heavier and their silence more ominous.

© Jacqueline Oby-Ikocha

Innocence – #WQWWC


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Suicide and the Artful Mastery of Self-Deceit – Stream of consciousness Saturday.

It was startling and extremely disheartening to learn that a friend’s husband committed suicide three days ago. He shot himself and it wasn’t by mistake. It was a premeditated action.

To say the least, my mind meandered from pillar to post. I couldn’t even begin to fathom the horror his wife and daughter must be living through. I couldn’t even begin to think of how brokenhearted they must be.SoCS badge 2015

It’s a nightmare that never goes away. The questions of ‘why’ will forever dance around in their heads. The first question that popped into my mind was equally why and the second question as foolish as it might sound was ‘how did he get a gun?’ 

Guns are not easily obtained back home in Nigeria and I have only ever had a gun close to me when armed robbers pointed it to my head and I found myself staring into the nozzle of the gun and praying as fast as I could in my mind.

Jokes apart, I stared my death in the face and I grew cold. I know that it’s Grace and Mercy that saved me. That Grace and Mercy stopped the robber from going trigger happy and coldheartedly shooting me.

In my ruminations, I realised that for a partner or anyone to decide to take his/her life then their sense of despair must have been horrendously hopeless. It’s just sad. It also makes me realise that a lot of artful concealing of emotions and self-deceit must have played a role until things got out of control.

The worst deceit that one can indulge in is the artful deceit of self. Indulging in such cover-up cheats one of the ability to be true to themselves and to reach out for the help they need. The saying ‘fake it until you make it,’ has always made me ask the question, to what extent should someone fake it until they have to pause and take stock of their fakery?

How long should one walk around wearing an artfully decorated mask that smiles, laughs, chit-chats and conceals the pain going on behind their mask? There are days that I felt a small wild animal growling in my head about one thing or the other but yet, I apply my gloss, wear my glad rags and get on with my to-do list like the World is all bright and beautiful. However, I’ve learnt to express and share my emotions when I feel overwhelmed and it’s not only cathartic to do so, but also offers the opportunity to hear good counsel as well.

Here was an upwardly mobile young man, who by all appearances had things going well for him, but for some reason, his thoughts fell apart to such an extent that he felt suicide is the only way forward. If he had sought help is it possible that he wouldn’t have resorted to this?

In core African societies, mental ill health is grossly overlooked and neglected and it’s almost seen as a taboo to insinuate that a person has Bipolar disorder or PTSD. Its results are far-reaching though suicide is not particularly a common phenomenon possibly due to the strong social and family system in existence, nonetheless, the dearth of professional care in this regards especially with the increasing level of stress and societal dysfunction in our present World makes this a cause for concern.

SOC’s prompt for this week coincided with my thoughts on the art of masking emotions based on the suicide incident.

© Jacqueline Oby-Ikocha


P.S. You are cordially invited to our monthly blog party happening right now. Join in through this link.

Below is my first Poetry Book “Out of the silent breath” which is available on Amazon and Smashwords.

When you buy my book, you support me in an invaluable manner.

Out of the silent breath

Jacqueline Oby-Ikocha’s poems portray images that stare us right in the face. Images of love, joy, death, pain, challenges, violation, and freedom. She writes in a language that’s rich in imagery, earthy, honest, vulnerable, yet full of the promise of hope, of loving and of Grace. A collection of light and dark soulful prose.

No Seconds! Streams of consciousness Saturday.

I like second helpings to sweet desserts and second chances when it’s possible to redo things that I didn’t get right the first time and possibly avoid making the same mistake a second time, but I would never accept the concept of being treated as a SECOND-CLASS citizen and no one else should.

Irrespective of colour, creed, sex or wealth no one should subject and treat others as second class citizens or even less than humans when their lives are not more important than that person’s own. SoCS badge 2015

Seconds after watching some stomach churning video’s on racism I totally wished that I hadn’t, because it left me saddened, angered and in those seconds, I realised how one can easily get caught in this emotional and virulent turbulence, that no matter how much people claim not to be racists, their Devilry starts crawling out of the woodwork and they exhibit the true colours of their minds under certain circumstances.

The fabric of society is so tightly woven on oppression, violence, racism… that even centuries later, we are still battling the secondary after-effects of the seeds of blood, slavery, racism, pillage and plunder that have been perpetrated and yet we see people struggling to hold on to second amendment rights that beg to be realigned.

Gosh!! People, please!

When are we going to learn that some parts of history are not worth the second chance of repeating itself? When are we going to wake up and review the extent of anguish and affliction and the toll that certain unsavoury decisions made by our predecessors has taken on society?

It seems we are sitting on kegs of gunpowder that ticks and would go KABOOM in seconds and since we don’t get a second chance to live another life, doesn’t it make sense to just try and live one great life and leave better legacies behind, especially when we consider the fact that the seconds on the hands of time ticks pretty fast and we really don’t have that much time on our hands?

Phew! I am exhausted just thinking through all this. Let me get myself a second glass of orange juice to calm my brain down a notch.

Have a splendid weekend and keep safe. Thank you, Linda for your intuitive prompt ‘second.’ 🙂

© Jacqueline Oby-Ikocha


Below is my first just published Poetry Book “Out of the silent breath” which is available on Amazon and Smashwords.

When you buy my book, you support me in an invaluable manner.

Stars, Five Stars, Logo, Icon, Symbol, Five, Rating

Wonderful, evocative poetry by a talented writer. Left me hungry for more. Jacqueline can write! Linda Bethea

Out of the silent breath

If you enjoy my works and would like to do so, you can fuel my creativity with a slice of cake or coffee😉

Lady in red – Everyday beautiful people 87

When you raise a woman, you raise a village – African proverb

Women are the real architects of society – Anon

IMG_0987 IMG_0989

I saw her from afar

She certainly stood apart

Like a beautiful Rose

Caught in a family of bramble.

© Jacqueline Oby-Ikocha


Below is my first just published Poetry Book “Out of the silent breath” which is available on Amazon and Smashwords.

When you buy my book, you support me in an invaluable manner.

Stars, Five Stars, Logo, Icon, Symbol, Five, Rating

Jacqueline writes from her heart on passion, pain, suffering, loss and LIFE. I have been incredibly moved by her poetry and I know I will return to “Out of the Silent Breath” again and again.

Out of the silent breath

If you enjoy my works and would like to do so, you can fuel my creativity with a slice of cake or coffee😉

For my benefit and yours…personal thoughts

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The past week has been a tough struggle to get to my inner place of happiness.

I struggled to isolate my thoughts as I would normally do in order to reach my state of sanctuary because I was troubled by World events.

I may not be able to isolate myself from the goings on because I also have an interest in life around me after all, no man is an Island, but for self-preservation, one has to separate themselves from time to time so as not to get lost in the deluge of happenings that cascades all over us.

My husband always says that I am too sensitive and possibly naive to an extent that things still manage to shock me.

I would have thought that having personally been through several valleys and shadows of death in my life, that I would have come up toughened, but I realise that the deepness of my scars actually makes me more vulnerable, more sensitive to others, more empathetic and possibly more naive at my wonder at life.

Our happiness should never be hinged on anything temporal because our truest form of peace comes from within.

At moments like this when I search inside me or through the Bible for words of courage, love and understanding, I am surprised how old knowledge takes on new meaning.

“We are told that in everything, we should give thanks to God.” for example 1 Thessalonians 5:18, Ephesians 5:20

It’s a hard sell to give thanks when it’s easier to be grumpy.
It’s a hard sell to a grieving soul.
It’s a hard sell to someone fighting for their lives.
It’s a hard sell for so many reasons….

but as I continued to reflect on this in my mind, the Truth of giving thanks and being grateful expanded.

We give thanks not because we feel obliged to do so and not because of what we may have, but because it actually uplifts our minds.

We give thanks not because our lives are great, but because it could be worse and it expands the little we have to more.

Our thankful heart is less grumpy and experiences better health in that state.

Our state of gratitude inadvertently acts as a pep up for our spirit as it insulates our mind with happy hormones and refreshes it.

Truly, the struggle is real in the battlefield of the mind and one must not discount it, but it could be worse when we throw our sense of gratitude to the winds.

Yes, we must continue to advocate for peace, love and understanding. We may continue to remain baffled at the unfolding of events around us and wonder how selfishness has gained such toe-hold that it has become a blinding driver that the conscience of society dies one more inch each day.

However, in all these nerve-wracking things going on, we must never forget to uplift ourselves with thanks. We must never forget our sense of inner self-preservation for our true strength does not lie with the guns since we did not come to Earth bearing pistols in our hands.

A heart mired in ingratitude is indeed a bitter place to be. No matter how little, find something positive to be thankful for. Let it all end in praise.

© Jacqueline Oby-Ikocha


Below is my first just published Poetry Book “Out of the silent breath” which is available on Amazon and Smashwords.

When you buy my book, you support me in an invaluable manner.

Stars, Five Stars, Logo, Icon, Symbol, Five, Rating

“Beautiful Poetry of Life and Love.” Amanda

Out of the silent breath

Midnight Motivations and Musings 85

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It’s always interesting to listen to people define ‘who they are’ by the pigment of their skin.

The pigment of your skin is simply aesthetics. The who you are is the being that resides behind the skin.

If you wish to understand a bit more, consider the thought of stripping yourself bare as a child, with no thought of colour and with an open mind of a receptive adult. Who do you see beneath your skin?

In our World, there are no doubts that the colour of our skin determines a lot with respect to our social strata…that’s an entirely different topic, but we shouldn’t let the colour of our skin determine who we really are, how far or how low we can reach in our lives.

The more you know yourself, the more you broaden your horizons.

© Jacqueline Oby-Ikocha


Below is my first just published Poetry Book “Out of the silent breath” which is available on Amazon and Smashwords.

When you buy my book, you support me in an invaluable manner.

Out of the silent breath

I hear you in my thoughts…

Your words of wisdom,

of love and encouragement…

They are etched upon my soul.

They keep me warm.

**

*an excerpt from my poem*