Family

…and time stopped for her.

2025 was going well, until it wasn’t. On the 21st of December, exactly one year into her battle with breast Cancer, my younger sister died. I am truly short of words. I feel so pained and aggrieved.

She had her life stretched in front of her. She had dreams and aspirations that we talked about. We were so full of hope based on all the efforts and indications. How things went down so swiftly leaves me breathless and shaken. Nothing prepares you for the loss of a loved one and all you are left clutching are the beautiful and bittersweet memories of them that you have.

I keep thinking that maybe I am in some sort of sleep and that I will wake up to find out that I have been having a nightmare. Alas, I wake up to harsh reality. I wake up to the fact that I will continue the journey of life without my wonderful sister who loved me unconditionally and was my biggest cheerleader.

I wake up saddened over the fact that she didn’t get to live those dreams that she had.

Ugo Nwannem, I love you till the end of time, and I miss you tremendously. I miss our daily conversations, I miss your laugh, I miss hearing your voice call me Adanne, I miss the way you talk about my children (your nephews and niece), I miss your generous personality, your spark and positive nature. If I am to live a million lives over and over again, I will choose you to be my sister over and over again.

Family

The waiting is a chokehold…

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For the sake of privacy, I chose not to divulge her precise connection to me until she permits, but I needed space to let my thoughts out a bit. She discovered a lump, kept quiet about it a bit hoping that it was period related and would go away. Rather than going away, it seems to have gotten bigger and warrants further investigation. The first biopsy came back inconclusive, and another sample had to be taken. Now we wait for the result and the doctor’s appointment. The wait is a chokehold of many feelings melded together and going up and down my mind, especially the frightening thoughts and these thoughts simply make my stomach churn. I am pleading with God to please let this cup pass her by. I don’t even want to envisage any alternative.

We wait. May Gods’ mercy prevail.

Family · Life

Left alone…

It’s been ages since I participated in SOC’s and this prompt ‘left alone’ for the stream of consciousness that I just came across made me laugh out loud and sigh as well, as it pretty much sums up my situation at present. Though I have been dodging writing about this situation due to my mixed feelings, but I guess this is my prompt to talk about it.

These past couple of months, we sent off the children to continue their schooling in Canada as college fees in these parts are literally untenable and you need to have heavily lined pockets to afford putting your children through college/university here. For nationals it is freely funded whilst immigrants have to sell some vital organs in order to get their offspring educated in the higher institutions. So, being that my kiddos are Canadian citizens, it’s far more reasonable for them to continue over there, to reacclimatize and to start charting their course in life.

Whilst on one hand I feel relieved that we have this major aspect of things sorted, I feel bereft at being left alone in the interim. I have never been apart from my children and their physical absence leaves the house far too quiet for my liking, that I have taken to leaving the TV on for background noise which is simply out of character for me as I am not much of a TV person.

Thank the Gods of technology that we can make video calls and talk for as long as we want. It helps to take the bite off the ‘flown the coop’ feeling that I keep having, but it is not the same at all. I feel lonesome and I miss being needed. I miss the warm hugs. I miss their squabbles and laughter. I miss the ‘mum I am hungry’ requests. I miss the delight that they express after enjoying a nicely prepared home-made meal. I miss listening to their ideas. I miss my shopping companions. I even miss having the kitchen dirtied up when they try their culinary fingers on one recipe or the other. I miss many things that a list would be endless.

I presume this is a precursor to what it means to be an empty nester and I can categorically state that ‘I don’t like being left alone.’ I look forward to joining my kids in some months down the line and I will savour all the moments spent together.

For those of you who are empty nesters, what are your coping mechanisms?

Family · Love · writing challenge

A little bit of love…

Love

“I love you.” This sweet sentiment is often flippantly said to our loved ones: our spouses/partners, children, siblings, cousins, parents, aunts, and uncles. Although we may love our loved ones, but do we ask ourselves this pertinent question “Do they know that I love them and do I show them how much how I love them?” We toss around this heartwarming saying all the time because it is so easy to say, but oftentimes, we forget that words do not mean anything without backing it with action. 

So how do I show love? Well it depends on what kind of love we are talking about and who is at the receiving end of this love. If it is agape or familial love, I strive to express such love to those in my life and the people that I encounter daily. This could be by paying them a compliment, listening actively to what they have to say, giving a hug when necessary, sending or having a meal together, sharing/buying a gift, sending an uplifting message, praying for them or with them, spending quality time with them, having a good time together, appreciating them etc.

The love that I feel for my children covers a large scope and encompasses things such as teaching them life skills, supporting their interests and aspirations, putting food on the table, providing a welcoming home and for their needs, giving them the enabling environment to grow and be themselves, protecting them from external dangers, counselling and handholding, making endless sacrifices, being interested in what they are doing, apologizing to them when I am wrong and being willing to change, being available 24/7 for them and much more..

For my husband and life partner, it is an all encompassing love and I endeavour to demonstrate the 5 languages of love to him on a regular basis- using words of affirmation, spending quality time together, serving each other, buying him gifts, physical touch and showing of affection (I am touchy-feely kind of person) and he reciprocates. Our union of 23 years has passed through several tests of time and like any other couple we do have our ups and downs. It is most certainly not always sunshine, kisses and rainbows, but those down moments have served in strengthening our understanding and love for each other.

On a final note, displaying your love for your family can provide an active meaning to those three words ‘ I love you.’ It is best to show your love to your family so they will not have to question if you love them or not. 

Blogging · Family · food · WordPress · writing challenge

Sense of home…

Several of my traditional home food evokes a whole lot of memories especially as I have been living outside my home county for decades now and unfortunately, our condiments are quite exorbitant here, thus, I don’t get to eat them as much as I would love to and sometimes the smell of anything similar to a traditional dish makes me feel nostalgic.

When I catch the whiff of fried plantain which we call ‘dodo’ I am reminded of my mothers warm kitchen, of nicking a slice or two of sweet plantain, of laughter and my mom’s reminders not to let the plantain burn and not to finish eating them whilst cooking.

The smell of party jollof rice simply brings joy. It is a staple in every Nigerian home and is synonymous with our celebrations both back home and in the diaspora. Wedding ceremonies, birthdays, child dedication, Sunday lunch, graduation even funerals et al.

A lot of quality family time means food shared, bonding, good music, camaraderie and love shared. I believe that I have somehow managed to transfer the love for jollof to my children especially my boys. They love eating spicy, delicious servings of Naija jollof and believe me, a good plate of flavourful jollof rice accompanied with essential condiments can make you hum with joy. It gives me a sense of home, warmth, culture and heritage that can’t be quantified.

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Blogging · Family · Personal · WordPress · Writing

Their absence leaves us bereft…

As treasure connotes something truly special, my lost treasures are intangible and irreplaceable. Three people come so easily to mind: my dad, my mother-in-law and my brother-in-law.

Death can be so final even when it comes slowly like the way my dad and my mother-in-law lost their battle with Cancer after a valiant battle. It was a heart wrenching and intensely difficult time for our family and what amazes me till today is how graceful these two humans were in the face of such debilitating illness. I loved and still love my dad to bits and his passing hit me really hard. Just writing this makes my heart flood with sadness. I have grown to bear the pain of his loss and to ruminate in the beautiful memories that he left behind and appreciate him over and over again. I think one of my regrets is not telling him often how much I loved him and that my kids did not have enough opportunity to really get to know him. He was a gentleman and a good man. I believe that I was in a state of denial and had kept hoping that God’s mercy would prevail and that he would win the battle with cancer. Till his last moments I stayed hopeful, but death robbed me.

My mother-in-law and I grew close especially considering how much my husband adored her. She was not just the matriarch of the family, but became my ally as well. Her name was Grace and indeed she was such a graceful and beautiful soul. Although her passing wasn’t sudden as she fought breast cancer for several years but her last day with us is forever etched on my mind as I was there in her last moments when she transitioned.

You truly never understand the enormity of what you have until you have lost it, more especially when the loss is sudden. My brother-in-law’s passing was like a bolt of lightening. It was a rude shock. He drowned. Till this moment, the circumstances surrounding his demise in Toronto is still unclear to us. He was quite a gregarious young man and his absence is felt.

If I could turn back the hands of time, I would love to have my family members back and relive all the beautiful moments with them. These people were gems and to know them was simply to love them.

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Family · Hope

Birthdays and Friday musings…

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And Friday arrived even before I could turn the page of a book. The days are galloping by so fast nowadays, that sometimes I feel that if one doesn’t buckle down for the ride of speedy days they will practically find themselves flying and landing in 2023 all bushy-tailed and surprised. Each morning, I set a to-do list and by the end of the day I find myself falling short in completing certain things. However, I am also cutting myself some slack and unlearning the ingrained habit of beating myself up when I fall short of my own expectations. What I am trying to do now is to set realistic and practical goals or tasks and prioritize them so that they are achievable. Although sometimes I find myself running around chasing every other thing rather than settling down to doing those things that needs to be done.

Tomorrow is my first son’s birthday and when I look at the young man I am always taken aback at how much he has grown and has now become a full adult of one score, whilst a whole part of me – except for the creaky parts – feel as exuberant and as hopeful as I felt when I was his age. Truth be told, I think I have become quite jaded a bit from life’s experiences and a lot more reserved, though each day, I fight mentally, physically and spiritually not to let the bitter experiences and setbacks get the better of me. I have grown to realize that focusing my energy on things that are out of my control and things that have expired such as the past, is sheer and massive waste of time.

Now to my young man, I pray that life treats you kindly and well. I give God praise for the gift of a son like you and thank Him for His faithfulness and mercy over your life all these years. May you continue to flourish in God’s blessings. May His countenance continue to shine on you. You will find favour in the eyes of men. The earth shall yield its increase for you and so you shall not lack. It shall be in agreement with you to fulfil God’s purpose for your life. As you grow in age, may you also grow spiritually, emotionally, mentally and financially. The Lord will cause you to dwell in good health and everything you lay your hands on shall prosper. His protection shall be over you and He will give you the grace to grow in wisdom. Amen.

I thank God for all the good moments we have spent together, as mother and son. 

Everyday People · Family · Health · Life · Parenting

All in a brisk walk…

This morning I woke up with a foggy feeling in my head and it was as if I hadn’t slept at all. I felt lazy, and just wanted to continue lying on my bed, but I knew that doing so would simply set the wrong tone for my day and literally muttering ‘mind over matter, mind over matter’ I basically cajoled myself to crawl out of bed and take my antidote – which is to go out for a brisk walk, to get some fresh air and hopefully feel more alive in the process.

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My brisk walk can involve various things depending on my mood, either listening and humming to music that I enjoy with an occasional shake and a jig to accentuate the notes that hit home, listening to a podcast or any talk that piques my interest, venting in my head and going over an argument that I had with hubby and realizing that maybe I should have used a better punchline than I had; mentally deciding to save a punchline and use it to drive home my point, going over my to-do list in my head, making a shopping list, thinking of random stuff and just watching people go about their business…

I had almost come to end of my walk when an idea popped into my head out of the blues and I was so excited at the thought that I made a mental note not to forget to include it in my soon to be executed plans. Right as I turned into the bend leading to our apartment block, I ran into a young dad and a toddler – who by my assessment is barely more that 24 months – attempting to play football, and I slowed my pace to absorb the scene.

The man kept a few paces apart and kicked the ball towards his son. It’s either because the baby was wholly new to the game or wasn’t sure what to do; he missed it not once but four times. After each miss, his dad patiently walked towards him, picked the ball and kicked it again. I was silently rooting in my head for the little one and just as soon as I thought that he would miss it yet again, his little foot finally connected with the ball and he kicked it back with gusto. The ring of his delight and joy from his accomplishment had me applauding both of them and a huge smile made its way to my face.

A brisk walk of 40 minutes not only brought me such unexpected fullness, it drew home several pointers and set a positive tone for my day. During my grudgingly taken walk, I got inspired, I saw love and patience, I saw resilience and joy, I became energized, I gained more clarity and buzz that I wouldn’t have found in my cup of coffee. These little things we often overlook, they are the things that matter.

How is your week going so far?

Family · Musings · Poetry/Poems

The String…

The tune of the music spoke to her soul.

a sojourner…

a wayfarer…

a traveller…

Following the rolls, cadence and sway of the beat…

searching through the fog in her mind…

ruminating for hope, for joy, for comfort, for deliverance…

The music conjured up emotions lost, but never forgotten…

a balm…

a yearning…

a homecoming…

The chords emitted from the strings of the violin,

its melody soothingly tender yet desperate…

dragging over the strings of her battered and bruised soul

making notes that holds in its promise,

a fulfillment…

a redemption…

peace.

Have you ever felt such attachment to any music that it draws out emotions that finds you struggling for the right words to describe how exactly it makes you feel? I know that sometimes such emotions are raw that we feel as if sharing them with someone else exposes our nakedness, vulnerability and inner privacy.

I grew up in a home with a dad who woke us up most mornings with the melodious flow of sounds of music from the Grundig turntable that had its pride of place in our living room and I grew up learning to appreciate all forms of musical sounds. Many a times, especially nowadays, a track transports me decades back to specific moments in time and I allow the memories trapped in my minds’ eye to dance to the tune.

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Cooking · Family · Guide To Better Living

Finding Books Which Can Help You To Cook

(Image Source)

Cooking has long been a very large part of human society. Going far beyond a simple means of survival, this element can dominate a big part of your life, with loads of public holidays and special events being impossible without the stuff. Of course, though, it’s not always easy to know where to look for help in this rot of area. To give you an idea of the sort of places you can find cooking support, this post will be going into the past, focusing on books to give you an idea of what you have available.

Research and Science

Most people’s first thoughts when reading something like this will be that all of the cooking books out there are dedicated to recipes alone. In reality, though, the science of cooking and nutrition are very popular topics, too, and there are loads of books on the market which focus on these areas. By reading options you like this, you will make it much easier to control the food you eat. Examples like the Big Fat Surprise are great for this. Not only do they offer a lot of knowledge, but they do it in a very easily digestible way, which is something most publications will struggle to manage.

Recipes

Of course, while they aren’t the only option on the market, it would be hard to cover an area like this without thinking about the recipe books which you have available. Regardless of the type of food you want to cook, the ingredients you’d like to use, or the time you have to do it all, you will be able to find a quality recipe book with no trouble at all if you follow the right route. By reading a blog or two, you will discover loads of options like this. You may have to sift through some examples which you don’t like very much, but this will be worth it once you find a recipe which turns your life around. This can be used a tool to spark some family fun.

Technique and Safety

Finally, as the last area to consider, it’s time to think about the way you handle yourself in the kitchen. Learning how to cook in often just as much about the techniques which you use as the recipes you find to put together. Some people are naturally very good at this, while others will struggle, and might need some help along the way. Thankfully, there are loads of instruction manuals out there which are designed to be used by chefs to make sure that they are doing the right things with their cooking. It will take a long time to improve skills like this, but you will also need to know how to improve them.

Hopefully, this post will inspire you to start working harder on the time which you put into making your cooking better. A lot of people struggle with this sort of work, finding it hard to know where to go when they want to make a difference.