Awakening My Creative Consciousness…

love-pen-bed-drinking-writing-reading

Finally. I believe that I have succeeded in crawling out of the doldrums. There are days that run into weeks and then months when creativity flows freely through your fingers and mind and feels like the easiest thing ever, then there are those days… that seep into weeks… and then months… when you are lost and in a total stump.

When this happens, we deeply feel that something is amiss. Things generally seem harder and somehow the rudder of our direction stagnates or at worse will be over the place. How do we re-center ourselves? How do we reignite our passion to continue doing those things that we most enjoy? How do we declutter, distill the disturbance, and climb out of the miry bog?

Most certainly, there is no ‘one size fits all’ approach to such a dilemma. However, we can prime the pump and flow of inspiration in our lives by taking some simple steps and these steps are what I am trying to retrace. Not so much to find out where I fell off the track but to attempt to get back on track and fall in love again with those things that bring me joy.

I can’t even explain to you how the past few days of getting back to blogging, making my short videos on Tiktok, YouTube and Instagram makes me feel. I feel better. I feel less pained and guilty. I feel a deep sense of satisfaction and I intend to keep it that way; so help me God.

Here are a few practical steps to apply should you ever find yourself in such a rut.

  • Be grateful for where you are at the moment and thankful for the potentials that the future holds.
  • Seek and find joy in the little things happening around you. Find laughter. It matters a lot.
  • Declutter your mind. Ask yourself what you are really feeling and try to understand why.
  • Define and refine what creativity and inspiration means to you.
  • Remind yourself of those things that you really love.
  • Revamp your thought process and approach where possible.
  • Don’t make big plans, take baby steps one day at a time.
  • Take time to reflect and let your imagination flow. It may be jumbled and rusty but just go with the flow.
  • Be humble and keep learning.
  • Make your creative moments fun.

What self-help tips and suggestions do you use and recommend to others to try?

Health and You.

My recent struggle with plantar fasciitis and aching body parts has made me stop and reflect seriously on the fact that the more advanced we supposedly become, the farther things change. From back in the days when my mother had the voluminous ‘where there is no doctor’ as a go to reference for most home remedies that she concocted and used to keep us germ free and as healthy as ever, and the time when your family doctor knew every nitty gritty detail about you and your family – from your scraped knees to your menstrual cycle, what your family liked for Sunday lunch, your dad’s finances and what have you – between then and now, there’s a vast difference in doctor and patients relationships.

It does appear that those days when your community doc would look at your hands, listen to your heartbeat galloping along, asks you to stick your tongue out and say ‘ah‘, checks your eyes and inquires about your bowels whilst palpating your tummy and so on have become history.

As I get along in age, the realization that visiting hospitals these days is no longer like my mother whisking me over to Dr. Ndukwe’s familiar consultation room, armed with her magical purse that contained all our medical cards and other mysterious objects, makes me not only sad about the golden times past but has also left me wondering how one can truly afford medical care in these times. It’s not as if any reasonable insurance is the most affordable thing in these parts.

It becomes steadily clear that with fewer overworked doctors and far more patients to see, your visit to see the doc might very well be a rushed affair that leaves you more perplexed than when you arrived. You are most likely not going to get a lollipop and a pat on the back and you will also be out of pocket if the visits become too frequent as you will have to pay for consultation fee and for other costs that pop out of the woodwork.

Truly, we need to take control of our bodies and have our own ‘where there is no doctor,’ sitting on our shelves. What’s your go to home remedy for aches and pains? Please feel free to share. You might be saving someone a lot of pain.

The String…

The tune of the music spoke to her soul.

a sojourner…

a wayfarer…

a traveller…

Following the rolls, cadence and sway of the beat…

searching through the fog in her mind…

ruminating for hope, for joy, for comfort, for deliverance…

The music conjured up emotions lost, but never forgotten…

a balm…

a yearning…

a homecoming…

The chords emitted from the strings of the violin,

its melody soothingly tender yet desperate…

dragging over the strings of her battered and bruised soul

making notes that holds in its promise,

a fulfillment…

a redemption…

peace.

Have you ever felt such attachment to any music that it draws out emotions that finds you struggling for the right words to describe how exactly it makes you feel? I know that sometimes such emotions are raw that we feel as if sharing them with someone else exposes our nakedness, vulnerability and inner privacy.

I grew up in a home with a dad who woke us up most mornings with the melodious flow of sounds of music from the Grundig turntable that had its pride of place in our living room and I grew up learning to appreciate all forms of musical sounds. Many a times, especially nowadays, a track transports me decades back to specific moments in time and I allow the memories trapped in my minds’ eye to dance to the tune.

Photo by Elviss Railijs Bitu0101ns on Pexels.com

Soft. hard.

No.

They look tired.

They seem hardened.

Some look utterly exhausted.

Beaten, bumped and scarred.

by life.

Physically and emotionally…

drained.

I pray peace for them.

a warm, soft and safe place

to lay their weary hands and heads.

We can make still make it Happy…

A real belated Hello and Happy 2022. It’s the 6th of April, a quarter is gone and I am just getting round to wishing my dear friends the best of this year. Nothing stopped me from hopping onto my blog on the eve of the new year and simply throwing some words together whilst clicking a glass of bubbly (in this case it was water; my favourite drink of choice at present) and joining the bandwagon to exchange perfunctory greetings that lacked the necessary spice.

It isn’t that I wasn’t happy to see the new year or the months that have sped by; because I was most certainly tired of 2021. It had drained me to limits and left me feeling tattered. I thought 2020 was rough but had such a bumpy ride the last 365 days of 2021 that by the time we got to the 31st I was limping across the finish line. I didn’t feel like racing to say happy new year and to share platitudes and lukewarm resolutions that barely makes it to the 10th of January.

The idea was to be in a more reflective mode and to process my thoughts in more depth; if that makes any sense. The exigencies of life had taken over and cluttered my mind with so much debris over these past 2 yrs that they needed and still need to be decluttered, analyzed and classified. I feel a bit more centered as I keep on rediscovering myself and getting in touch with who I really am. Honestly speaking, one would have thought that by this beautiful age of mine that I would know all there is to know and understand about myself, yet, I keep making new discoveries that makes me realize that truly we never become finished products and are constantly under renovation, embellishment, maintenance et al 😉

Is it possible to say that I am at peace, not sad yet not happy? Does that sound confusing. I am at peace because in trying to know myself better, I am getting more in tune with my spirituality, physical state and mental state of being. I have an optimistic view and hopeful expectations for the year unlike the previous where I was too stressed to see beyond my nose much less engage others.

Now I am dipping my toes back into these waters and I hope to get into full swing without much ado and with sufficient gusto. For real, I miss this place and will be visiting all my cool folks in this blogosphere. I know that I joined the new year party a little late in the day, but we can still make it happy nonetheless. What have I missed? I know that there’s a lot to catch up with and I am here for it. See you in your neck of bloggywood.

Choosing Lavender…

Photo by Natasha Fernandez on Pexels.com

Already! It’s the end of a work week here. Hardly did the alarm go off on Sunday morning, and now here we are; it’s Thursday. Hey Presto!… and the hours spill into days and the days into weeks and months and the year is almost gone.

Before you know it, 1 year is gone, and next and the next… With each cycle of time, we turn a new age, from 20 to 30 to 40, to 50, 60, 70 years old and so on if life is kind to you. Years lived and days passed. As we take stock of all the years gone by, we realize how much we have gained and lost as well. With the passage of time, some of us have expanded sideways and gained some wisdom ‘hopefully’… We have lost loved ones and as much as we would like most things in our life to stay stable, sadly we can never turn back the hands of time.

I remember my teenage years of hot pants, pedal-pushers, minis and what-not and the firm perkiness of my body parts, no extra folds and rolls, and non-creaky achy parts. Those yesteryears when I thought 30 was old… What my young mind did not conceive then was the need to ensure that I truly enjoyed and appreciated those moments. That I would one day look back with deep-seated nostalgia and sense of loss never occurred to me.

Now, as older years loom ahead, we must, despite all the ups and downs of life, learn to enjoy the time that we have. Let’s immerse ourselves in doing those things that bring us and those around us joy, laughter, peace, calm, hope and prosperity. Learning to leave rancour, undue stress, grudges, worry and all those negative thoughts, emotions and actions that don’t add a jot of value to our lives is a valuable strength. Put some colour in the greys of your days and don’t keep waiting for the right time or a party to wear that beautiful lavender dress of yours. BE The Party! Find the Zest even when it seems evasive. You will be better for it.

Let’s smile at the little things and let the joy and serenity derived from such feeling sooth our bruised souls. There are so many lost moments and broken dreams in afterwards. Even when we are blessed with longevity, life is a short trip.

Life can’t be lived in the afterwards, ‘cos priorities will always change. Afterwards, the momentary charm gets broken. Afterwards, our offspring grow up, we age and our parents get older. Afterwards, health passes and promises get forgotten. Afterwards, our vigour diminishes, the days become less and life eventually ends. Let’s stop waiting for later, ‘cos in doing so we lose the best moments, the best experiences, best friends, the best family that life has to offer. We are no longer at that youthful age where we believe we have the time to postpone what needs to be done in the immediate.

When you are young, getting older might look an eternity, but eternity is most certainly a short trip.

Enjoy Your Life, Be Kind to Yourself and Others. Peace be with you!

Key Notes…

Photo by Kaboompics .com on Pexels.com

Getting back to blogging, I have found myself at a certain loss. It feels so familiar yet strange, because like everything that changes over time, a lot seems to have happened in blogosphere. I feel like a newbie, albeit with some jaded sense of know-how. I am tip-toeing around my blog trying to find my way once again, afraid to click on unknown features just in case I break something – not literally, but you get what I mean.

I recall that when I started blogging I could plug away for hours on end and derived such joy from putting my thoughts in writing. The joy has not gone though it has ebbed a bit. The hours to plug away on the keyboard has gone with the vagaries of life, since bills don’t pay themselves. Back then, I jumped in with such gusto and gumption and decision to make it work; to eke out a living doing something that I truly love. Things got in the way, life happened so much so that it made me question my trueness.

I have questioned my authenticity and second-guessed my passion for written and spoken word. I have found myself comparing and wondering if I am really true to my art. If I really want to be a writer as passionately as I had supposed? Because, as we are told, if you want something badly enough, you will do what needs to be done and you will find the time to make sure that it works out. It may sound romantic being a hungry, starving artist, but the rude awakening and harsh reality of life makes such aspirations a near impossible feat to achieve in this part of the world and in most parts I daresay.

NOT paying your bills can land you behind bars in my neck of the woods. As valuable as words may be, mine are yet to land me that goldmine and to present the peace of mind that money can buy or rather being able to sleep without your landlord hounding you for rent. I derail.

I have had to revamp my mind. To remember that often times the key notes of our life’s story might be out of tune for a bit, but once our fingers glide over the keys, like the gentle caress of a cherished old lover, we kindle with familiarity.

My thoughts are on how the blogging field has changed though my keyboard remains the same. How there are now many icons, bells and whistles here and there. I almost feel as if I should enroll in learning how things work here once again. Sadly, the course is paid for and I most certainly can’t afford such finesse. What do you think? Is going to WordPress University a worthwhile investment or do you think that I can find my way just by tinkering around?

Tremors Here and There…

Sunday started as normal – or so it seemed – till around 4.30pm when our corner of the world got rocked a bit at its core. I was driving son 2 home around 4/4.15pm when I felt a few seconds of sudden vibration and had to grip my steering wheel tighter, slowed down – though I wasn’t even driving that fast – and before I could figure out whether the dodgy upliftment could be penciled down to too many cups of coffee taken earlier in the day to ward of sleep or the insufficient sleep the previous night. During this brief experience, son 2 was fast asleep beside me, oblivious and probably thought he was being rocked gently to sleep.

Approaching our street a few minutes later, the first thing that struck me was the sheer number of people who stood outside respective towers on both sides of the street. Some were gathered in little groups having animated conversations, some stood silently alone looking up, down and around. My first thoughts as I literally brought my car to a crawl were: ‘there must have been an accident’ but a quick scan showed the absence of police cars, ambulance or anything of the sort. Maybe a tower is on fire, I thought. Yet again, a quick scan did not reveal billowing smokes from a fire nor any fire truck in the vicinity.

I pulled to a stop in front of our building and for the first time in forever, many parking lots stood empty. I had lots of spaces to choose from. A rarity in this area despite the fact that it cost 2 dirhams to park a vehicle for an hour. I had pre-informed son 1 to come downstairs and meet me so that he could accompany me for a quick trip to sort out some stuff (call me a cheapskate; though I will say I am being thrifty), the essence of taking him along is so that he can wait in the vehicle while I made a quick dash to do the things I needed to do without having to pay for a parking space for an errand that would be completed under 30 minutes.

When son 1 came down, I asked him if he knew why there was so much hustle and bustle of folks, he told me how the house literally shook for a good 30 to 40 seconds barely half an hour ago. Earthquake! My heart started beating faster. I called my apartment and instructed daughter of mine to make her way down immediately and join us. She is always as cool as cucumber but this panicked mother was not about to drive off without all her children in her company – I have only 3 as it is. She narrated her own version of the quake which had made her feel dizzy for about a minute and she had thought it was all in her head until son 1 confirmed that indeed the house had trembled.

As we drove to run errands, from one street to the next people were in clusters discussing their experience. You could see the worried lines etched on people’s faces. I noticed the total absence of laughter. You could feel the air palpate with bated energy of ‘let’s wait and see.’ No one was sure if that was just a ripple to announce bigger ripples or if that was all. Old movie images of houses crumbling like a pack of cards flashed through my mind, but thankfully, we ain’t dying just yet. It took a little more time before people felt confident enough to go back into their high-rise apartments albeit with airs of unquestionable concern.

Unannounced. Unexpected. That is life and its transient state for you. One minute you think everything is fine and dandy and the next minute things happen and things fall apart. Occurrences like this remind you of how small you are in the larger scheme of things and how much we are not truly in control of anything in life. It reminds one how mortal you are and how no minute in life is guaranteed to us. No matter how we plan, no matter how much we know, the future can never be ordered like a band of soldiers. Still, we as striving humans our effervescent need to be in control and to create possibilities cannot be ignored. Thankfully, these were only tremors.

My Tomorrow…

Quote about Today, Tomorrow and Yesteday

my tomorrow came

when today arrived…

for yesterday,

I waited…

on a day that I hadn’t seen

hoping that when

it does come around…

there will be the light of change.

my tomorrow is here

yet my thoughts ain’t truly there..

for how can it be..

when in fragmented pieces

I watch…

the broken circles

of many yesterdays.

my tomorrow will come…

just as today did..

as I learn…

to glue my pieces of yesterdays…

into weaves of learning,

and understanding…

the wisdom of yesteryears.

© Jacqueline 2021

Hello There…

It’s been such a long time on this page…

That I feel like a stranger…

It’s not that I have lost my love for words…

Just that the travails of life…

Have been bludgeoning me…

That there are many, many days…

I feel beaten out of words…

and mentally drained…

trying to balance the art of living…

Each day I say to myself…

Just hang in there…

This too shall pass