Simple defined: “pornography is the depiction of sexual behavior that is intended to arouse sexual excitement in its audience” – The legal dictionary.
What set me down this path of thinking you might care to ask? Well, let me tell you a little bit why. I sat in the library several days ago, trying to wrap my mind around a book that I am putting together. I had escaped the confines of my home, trading it for a little slice of time at the public library so that I could escape having my children come barging in now and again, to ask for this or that and derailing my train of thought.
Okay. So I settle down with my paraphernalia of notes and different colored pens and laptop and lunch and all, trying to dig deep in my memory bank to fish out those words that I search for. Not far gone in my quest, the infernal chit-chat behind my back commences. I ignored it a little bit, but the consistent drip, drip of voices in the library behind my back, drew my curious mind to identify the culprits. I squelched every inclination to give them a good scold on etiquette.
Three young heads are planted close to each other, gasping and awing over the contents of a smart phone. My curiosity was piqued to no ends – I am a people watcher (if any hobby can have that title) so, I rose from my chair and I craned my neck. Voila! They were actively engaged in a watching a torrid sexual session of group sex on their Iphone, in the public library. If I could blush, I am sure my face would have taken the color of beetroot.
The best thing to do: I politely took my things and moved myself, a little reluctantly to another position (that seat, which I had appropriated gave me a vantage point to observe everything going on in that vicinity and I still struggled to let go of the desire to give that scold 🙂
Now my train of thought had digressed from creating the perfect murder scene, to wondering about the scene that I just witnessed and thinking of a storyline in that aspect.
I doubt if Porn makes a polite dinner conversation? It is hard to picture one’s dad slicing through that steak, your ma picking her peas and your maiden aunt Virginia sipping on her Earl Grey tea whilst you engage in recounting lurid details of a BDSM scene, they would probably choke to death.
Yet, this topic that does not make a rousing discourse at the dinner table, is a thriving billion dollar industry which keeps growing and is virtually available at the slightest click of the fingers. What a waste of good funds!
I may not be an expert in analyzing sexual matters, but at my age, I do know a thing or two I can assure you.
I think that irrespective of religious inclinations or belief, pornography affects its viewers negatively for so many reasons. I don’t want to sound like a righteous and sanctimonious preacher, so, I will keep it simple, enunciate just a few reasons and encourage you to reason with me.
1. It rewires the brain and it’s short term gratification can lead to long term negative effects through the Coolidge effect of automatic response to continuous craving for more and more new excitement. The trappings of cyber-sex gives an opportunity to view millions of boobs and all which can span several life times in a few minutes and after years of consumption, the same material ceases to excite the viewer, thus the compulsion to delve deeper and explore newer grounds.
2. It then becomes an addiction. The repetition of this specific behavior leads to the release of the feel good hormone Dopamine, thus the continuous craving for repeats which is akin to what addicts of other substances experience.
3. It can actively damage or erode family relationships due to the unrealistic expectations from your relationships and in some cases, real women/men cease to arouse your interest as much as those that you see on the internet.
4. It causes decrease in sexual libido (testosterone) and erectile dysfunction, which will inevitably lead to depression, low energy level and lack of satisfaction.
5. Its leads to the development of thoughts and fetishes that would not have been encountered without porn.
6. This act reaches in and destroys the hearts, minds and bodies of its participants.
7. Waste of so much valuable time and funds surfing the net for an activity that eventually leaves the viewer depleted and possibly indebted through purchases made online for viewing rights to these sites.
8. It could even lead to loss of livelihood and reputation.
9. It promotes destructive practices and sexual perversions out there such as child porn, bestiality, necrophilia, rape and sadism and this in turn leads to increase of sexual crimes, human trafficking etc.
10. By viewing, the viewer supports this industry and facilitates its growth. The viewer also wittingly and unwittingly contributes to the sexual exploitation of whoever or whatever object he/she views.
We can no longer shy away from the realities of today by hiding our heads in the sand like Ostriches and hoping these things will go away.
We owe it to our young ones to educate them of the dangers that lurks in such habitual practice and hope that eventually, they will make the right choices.
Indeed, it is a danger in itself to allow them to flounder in their need to acquire information.
That’s it folks. I have said my piece and if I must say so, my digression from my initial assignment for my book, gave me quite an education. Maybe, as time goes on, we can explore ways that this habit can be broken.
Feel free to re-blog and share, you might be saving a soul 😉
© Jacqueline Oby-Ikocha
a cooking pot and twisted tales 
Hey Jacqueline. We’re singing from the same hymn sheet! Apart from the above – the use of porn can cause deep oppression. Its impact on the church has been huge – silent and unseen – something very few churches have addressed. I hope you get another chance at your book. I’d certainly read it! Blessings – Reuben
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I think this is one of the places where the Church is losing its essence as the Salt of the Earth. We turn a blind eye to the slow but sure erosion of spiritual values and a lot are too busy trying to remain politically correct or engaged in more material issue, than tending the flock.
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Well said. The over-emphasis on teaching today has been at the expense of ‘real’ pastoral care. If you think about it – a church is more likely to choose a minister because of his teaching ability/leadership skills over his pastoral heart. The result being that many men are no longer pastored. And in many churches ‘care’ is left to the women. But men need men to pastor them!! As you can see, Jacqueline – this is a topic I’m passionate about cos men are leaving churches every year in their droves. But will the church wake up before its too late?
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Let us hope so and keep praying. Indeed men need men to pastor them.
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Amen. Blessings to you and your precious family!
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Thanks for your support. I will keep working at the book, one day at a time. God bless
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😊
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“Surely God enjoins justice,
kindness and the doing of good, to
kith and kin; and He forbids all
that is shameful, indecent, evil,
rebellious and oppressive.”
InnaAllah Yamuru bil adel, wal
ehsane, wa itae zil qurba; wa
yanha anil fuhshae , wal munkari
walbaghi; yaizukhum lallakum
tazakkaroon. (Quran 16:90)
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I wish I could translate the rest of the message, but it sounds good to me.
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This is a very valid topic to bring up Jacqueline! Sex in our society is a paradoxical topic…it is promoted in so many ways in the media, yet people don’t want to talk about sex openly. How confusing is that?
Your points are all well-made; I’d add that from a man’s perspective, it is possible that using pornography to masturbate and experience sexual stimulation is a way for a man to try to connect with another person (man or woman). As you said, use of pornography can also be a way to satisfy an addiction too, and propagates a whole industry. To go back to my point, sexual activities are one of many ways of connecting with another person, and sexual stimulation in front of a screen is devoid of the emotional connection that many men probably would like to have with a partner, as well as with themselves.
In a way, the reliance of people – mostly men – on using digital pornography to facilitate sexual release is – in part but perhaps not totally – reflective of those gentlemen’s lack of ability to connect with women (or men if that is their preference) on an interpersonal level. When these men can’t connect then it may mean that they are not in a mutually satisfying sexual relationship. When they’re single then they don’t get to experience sex. When single men don’t get to experience sex in person, then they don’t have the visual stimuli of looking at their partner. With no visual presence of a partner then some men resort to using digital visual media (pornography) to express themselves sexually.
This chain of associations that I proposed in the previous paragraph is not an excuse or justification for keeping alive a multi-billion dollar, mostly male-run pornography industry.
In part, the desire to connect with another person – to be one with them – is so much more than just sexual. Sadly, the malestream media in general portrays ‘connection’ – as something that leads to sex, and thus the two are associated…at least in men’s minds. In a way, the images shared in the mainstream media of what human connection looks like is very male-centric (hence the name malestream), and displays the level of emotional maturity of a teenage boy.
Perhaps – in an ideal future – we may see more films and television shows about people having mature connecting conversations, where they share their emotions with each other, demonstrate effective and heartfelt listening skills, and actively support each other. Then…perhaps…the male species may (in larger numbers) learn that connection is about so much more than just sexual stimulation; it is a joining of hearts along the journey of life, where loving, enjoyable sex is an expression of the love and connection present between two people in a relationship, instead of being the thread that – in some instances – barely keeps them together.
Cool article – thanks so much for taking the time to share it with the world Jacqueline!
James
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I thoroughly enjoyed reading this. Most men I have had the opportunity to discuss this same topic with just wave it off with their hands and chose to pretend that it does not count, but the spate of broken relationships, increased lack of connection between couples (if traced back, sometimes stems from over stimulation from cyber sex and the like). I really like your analysis and maturity, let’s hope that some day, we will find a semblance of the society that we seek. Thanks for stopping by and stay blessed.
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James, I read your profile on your gravatar. Very interesting person, from the sound of things, if I must say so.
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Yes,many marriages and families are ruined because of this.
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Thanks for reading and for saying the truth. It wrecks lives!
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Many can’t do without it, but on religious grounds it’s not good and on moral grounds, when addicted it can ruin your life and marriage.
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Yes indeed it has become a bane of so many relationships. Really unfortunate how the things that are most destructive gain serious grips over society.
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Well said and a topic that is rarely addressed.
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It is like the big white Elephant in the room that everybody pretends not to see 🙂
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