Tag: Personal

Photographs · Poetry/Poems

Finding My Fingers…

jacquelineobyikocha16 Comments

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I just fell in love again.

My fingers danced over the keyboard

flitting and picking the notes

my notes unsure at first till they started coming back in spades

I played till  my fingers cramped

losing myself in the notes belted from the keyboard.

They sounded broken, like some pieces of me,

yet soothing they came out, like the throaty seduction of the nights siren,

like the insistent squalling of a quibbling toddler.

I revisited old tunes long stored in the belly of forgetfulness

the came tumbling out, a piece at a time,

the jumbled sound of music from my own fingers sounded so beautiful.

© Jacqueline Oby-Ikocha

 

An early Christmas gift of a keyboard from my darling Himself has become a piece of peace and joy.

I haven’t played in almost 20 years and I can’t even remember the reason why. I think when I left my parents home, I was secretly waiting till I could buy a Grand Piano, that must be it which seems such a poor and insufficient reason now.

For now, I shall covet my keyboard and enjoy it thoroughly while I wait for The Grand Piano that will surely come in time. Today, we play.

Stream of Consciousness Saturday.

The Sharp Drama’s of My Life – Streams of Consciousness Saturday

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Sharp contrasting thoughts muddle my mind with sheer self-castigation as I look at the year dwindling to an end and find myself counting the things that I had mentally set out to achieve for myself but find that I fall far short of my own expectations. I started out the year on such a highly motivated note but I guess that I am suffering from battered emotions syndrome. Some are self-induced, while life brought it’s own baggage along. I am seized with the desire to do absolutely nothing almost to the point of it getting scary.

Sharing my thoughts might help to crank up my gears and pull me out of wallowing in shallow thoughts and sheer laziness. I have an attitude that believes in pulling myself out of depressive moods, but for reasons that I can’t put my fingers on, I simply wish to burrow down, dig the hole deeper and just roll in the muddy waters of woe-is-me.

Self-pity has never been my thing otherwise, I would never have survived some of the hard balls life had tossed my way. I find that despair and depression are twins and that most times it’s far easier to give in to the whiny pair than to get up and fight. I find that as a highly motivated, driven person that the bar I set for myself is usually high and that whenever I fall short of these expectations, I feel the burn.

I’m trying to step back and take all the necessary thoughts into account without clouding my mind with any unnecessary feel good feelings or numbing myself with so much work that I’m too tired to think. That is why I deliberately chose not to blog for some days.

Sometimes we have to go through the motions and not bury our emotions otherwise, they will simply fester and actually grow bigger. I’m not making excuses for falling off the wagon and failing to achieve the short goals that I set for myself, I am not making excuses for depression that hits me at times with visceral pain and trying to wave it away with a wand.

I will not try to shake off these Debbie Downer feelings and cut short my low moments because they will simply hibernate and possibly drag their sorry ass selves into my next year. No! I can’t have that.

I am sitting here in my raggedy PJ’s and floppy rabbit slippers, with a carving knife in the shape of a pen. I’m going to cut myself to pieces, bleed, cry into a box of tissues, eat chocolate, drink stale wine, eat chocolates again, watch a soppy MGM movie, cry some more again, cut myself some more until my nose gets bulbous and my eyes are swollen shut from crying tears that cause my shoulders to shake.

I’m not going to look pretty, but I can bet your bottom dollar that I am going to feel marvellous after all the shakeup. Then I’ll patch up the pieces that I shredded.

P.S. Please excuse me for not visiting for a while. My door is shut while I’m going through some drama. I’ll be back shortly.

Yours,

Jacqueline

SoCS – ‘sh’

Writers Quote Challenge

So, what is the alternative? Personal – Writers Quote Challenge

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If the truth is to be told, it is hard to stay thankful and grateful in the face of suffering and sometimes I silently question how Job withstood his painful ordeals without grumbling. Didn’t his heart even murmur a bit?invitation-shel-silverstein

For many months I’ve tried not to dwell on negativity, to remain thankful in everything because the truth is that the alternative to ingratitude sows bitter seeds of discord and cynicism, but in the past few weeks it’s been a struggle to stay upbeat and sometimes I feel as if I am a fraud spouting thankful words that are not deep-seated within my soul.

My rancour comes from watching a beloved young family member deteriorate healthwise – my younger sisters husband is battling an invasive brain tumour and sometimes I feel so afraid that we are fighting a losing battle. Such thoughts simply make my heart stop in fear and my prayers clog my throat. It is hard!

I remember watching my father decline from Cancer and the pain of watching his pain broke my heart many times over. Yet, through all his struggles, he remained stoic, never voicing a word of grumble and held his Faith through it all.

Sometimes, I wondered where he got such grace in the face of such adversity and I remember this quote that he shared with me,

I would rather live my life as if there is a God and die to find out there isn’t, than live as if there isn’t and to die to find out that there is – Albert Camus

This quote has stuck in my head and always comes up when I’m between the hard rocks of fear, doubt and dwindling faith. It reminds me, that during the times of tribulation, are the times to hold on tighter. Though the difficult season may seem insurmountable, thankfulness lightens the burden of one’s load and I remind myself not to let go of gratitude especially when troubled.

© Jacqueline Oby-Ikocha

Please join us for the reconvened Writer’s Quote Challenge that Bernadette, Haddons Musings and I have started. We would love to have you with us. Check this link for details.

Stream of Consciousness Saturday.

Personal Memories – Streams of Consciousness Saturday

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Memories are powerful parts of who we are, where we are coming from and most times they inform how we venture further afield into life. Some memories fade with time, while some hold dark moments in our lives even when we try to suppress them.

Some memories burn vivid and bright in our minds and evoke a sublime state of happiness in our lives that we unwittingly wish to cling to such memories even when that time has long passed. These are the memories that I wish I could hold in the palm of my hands, but I store them in a better place – my heart.

A lot of times, I remember moments in time of my childhood when all I knew was the cocooning love of my parents and as an adult, I crawl back into my head into those moments that suffuse my entire being with softness and warmth.

Each day that passes by brings memories of my loved ones’ who have passed on to the other side to my mind. They are the one’s who shaped my life and molded my values as the human that I am today. My late dad and my beautiful, enigmatic grandmothers.

My dad is/was a man amongst men. A gentleman to the letter. A firm, fair-minded and peaceful fellow. He loved music. He was creative and diligent. He loved people. He worked hard. He was a good man, good father, and provider. He loved me.

Sometimes, memories of him bring bittersweet tears to my eyes’ that even after 3 years of his passing, I get a lump in my throat whenever my thoughts dwell on him. He was my anchor.

Memories of my grandmothers’ are filled with softness, with laughter, with tales of folklore, proverbs and life lessons. With pampering with one hand and a hard smack on the butt for misbehaving, with eating freshly prepared meals made on firewood and earthenware pots. They are filled with remembrance of massaging aching muscles with locally prepared shea butter and the heartfelt thank you that my gran would say. As I write this I can hear the echo of her voice in my head as she says ‘Nnedim, Ezigbo nwa.’

Now I have the great urge to eat from an earthenware pot, to sit on a three-legged stool in the small kitchen back in my village and to watch the pregnant nanny goat as she chewed a portion of yam peels with certainty.

Linda, thank you for taking me down memory lane with today’s prompt. As we remember the heroes in our lives, the heroes past, it comes to my mind to point out that heroes are not only those who fought armed battles but all those who make sacrifices every day to ensure that our future is better. Go and be someone’s hero today.

© Jacqueline Oby-Ikocha

Quick glossary:

Nnedim – In Igbo language means ‘my husbands’ mother.’ My gran believed in reincarnation and that I’m her mother-in-law who she spoke of with such fondness and love.

Ezigbo Nwa – means ‘good child.’

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Philosophy of Life

Today I Struggle…personal

jacquelineobyikocha54 Comments

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Today I struggle to find joy because I feel sick to the pit of my stomach.

There are days that one wakes up and your faith in humanity is shaken to the core, but in the raging storm lies a quiet voice that whispers to my soul.

The arm of flesh will surely fail you if you look to things that are transient. Keep your eye’s on the things that satisfy that no man can take away. It’s normal to want everything to go as we would like in our lives and around us and a lot of times it fails to go that way.

May we find the strength to hold on to things far more tangible that our souls may remain in a state of gratitude. For even in trying times, the goodness of the Lord will prevail.

Today, I struggle to shake off the foreboding of the dark clouds that paint the horizon…

© Jacqueline Oby-Ikocha

Guest Posts

Meet Mick Canning – Story Teller, Writer and Photographer Par Excellence

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I love to interact a lot with my male counterparts in this space because I glean so much from their intelligent discourse and inspiring posts. Mick has been a supportive friend in here and I appreciate his acceptance to grant us a view into his life.

Thank you,  Mick and I wish you all the best with your endeavours.

Bits About Mick 

About me? Gosh, I’m not that keen on talking about me, although I’m aware that I should be a lot better at it than I am since this is the sortportrait1 of thing I get asked at, well, interviews! A native of the UK, I’ve spent a number of years working abroad, mostly in the Middle East, and generally traveling, particularly in the Indian subcontinent. I’ve always been a bit of an artist, writing and painting on and off for most of my life, but since my first visit to India, I found that both the writing and painting has been largely focused there.

Otherwise, I make a tenuous living as an outdoor activities instructor, especially climbing, although as I get older and my back gives me more problems, I find that I am looking forward more and more to retirement from that.

I like a quiet life, which is probably why I am drawn to writing rather than, say, night clubs and politics, although the things that get me fired up are injustices. I try to avoid controversy on my blog posts, but I’m sure that it does come through at times. I do care passionately about the environment, hate all forms of discrimination and intolerance, and cannot understand why anyone of any gender or race can be considered as inferior to any others.

I try to be a positive person, but when I read the papers or hear the news it seems difficult.

A bit about my blog

I started the blog a little over a year ago, being persuaded that it was the thing to do if I was to promote the novel that I was then working on. I’m not, as I’ve mentioned already, all that keen on talking about myself, and up until recently, I’ve regarded blogs as rather narcissistic self-indulgences. While there are obviously a few like that, I’ve been delighted to discover that there are (naturally) a whole range of blogs out there and that the majority are both interesting and informative.

I had assumed, at first, that all my posts would be about my book or at least my writing, but quite quickly it seemed to morph into a mixture of posts on writing, travel, a little about my other artistic endeavours (such as painting), a few slightly political pieces, and, naturally, a few pieces about myself. This wasn’t particularly intentional, and certainly not planned that way. Naturally, some of them I was more pleased with than others, and some generated much more interest from readers than others – certainly not always the ones that I expected to! A slightly random selection:

The Mad Woman of the Hill Station

Nepal – Everest Region

And finally, a couple of months ago I published a post about why I sometimes stopped following blogs, never anticipating the huge interest it would generate:

Oh heavens, why on earth did I follow that blog?

Having been blogging now for over a year, I am now hooked on it! I think that the best thing about it, for me, is that after I had been blogging for a while, I discovered that I had become part of a community.

On staying motivated

Motivation is quite easy, actually. I usually find I have something I want to say, and a blog post is just the right length for what I want to write. In my case, somewhere around 1000 words seems adequate, which is about the length of blog post that I am also comfortable reading. Anything much longer, and I find I am put off. Perhaps this is because I also follow a lot of blogs, and to see one that is several thousand words long makes me avoid reading it. There just isn’t time!

I do keep a notebook, naturally, as all writers do. And I have maybe a dozen unfinished blog posts at any one moment, so when I feel a little stuck, I can go to one of those.

A little down but more ups

That’s a difficult one! We all have times when we feel that, despite everything, we can’t think what to write. But so far, the blogging journey has been a pretty smooth one.

As for my other writing, I think the worst thing is when I have been working on a story for a long time and I read it back and have the sudden epiphany; ‘this is complete rubbish!’

Would you encourage others to blog?

Absolutely! Next question?

A day spent with Mick

Oh dear, there’s no such thing as a typical day. If I don’t have any outdoor work, and as a freelancer that happens quite a lot, then I declare the day a writing day. This means that I begin by catching up with blogs I follow, perhaps posting a new one myself (I try to post twice a week, but it is a bit flexible!), which might take from an hour or so up until lunchtime. Afterwards, I would try to work on my novel, or perhaps on a short story, for the rest of the afternoon. I usually try to go for a walk at some point, often to try to resolve sticking points in my stories. I find I think best that way.005-1

To distract me, of course, are all those little jobs that we all have to do. Everything from housework (my wife has regular work, so I do a certain amount during the week) to shopping, and then, of course, we all have family to see. I can usually rely upon the cats to distract me regularly, too. They seem to think they should be fed at least once an hour.

The future and beyond

I’ve had the blog for just over a year, now, and am quite happy with the way it is going. Without any real effort by me, the number of followers is regularly rising and I’m not yet experiencing any difficulty thinking of topics to post about. I do have plans to add a few extra pages so that I can put in extra pictures and details on various topics, but I’m in no rush!

As for my other writing, I’m currently working on a new novel, after publishing my first one earlier this year; Making friends with the Crocodile, which is set in Northern India and explores how women are treated by society there. I’m delighted that although I have not sold a huge number of copies – it is available as a print on demand paperback as well as Kindle on Amazon, and now an e-book on Kobo – I have had some lovely and generous reviews for it. Unfortunately, the POD book is not currently available in India, but I am now speaking to an Indian publisher with a view to releasing it there in a few weeks.

My new novel is also set in India, but this time in a fictitious hill station in the Himalaya.

Thank you for hosting me today, Jacqueline.

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Guest Posts

Bernadette is a friend to have in this place. She’s a lovely, smart, warm and totally inspiring woman.

jacquelineobyikocha12 Comments

I follow a lot of bloggers and interact with most of them as often as I can, but in this blogging journey, there are some people who you connect with and you see the beauty of their soul shine through their work. I read Bernadette’s posts every week and I never leave empty handed.

Her thoughts are enriching and uplifting. She’s supportive of her blog friends and to take it further, she and I (with other volunteers) are starting off ‘Writers Quote Series,’ this November.

Bernadette is a friend to have if you are not following her already. Please check out Haddon’s Musings, join the 52 weeks of thankfulness series or the senior salon 🙂

Thank you, my lady, for granting this interview. I appreciate you and wish you all the best in getting that publication done.

Hello, my name is Bernadette and I blog at www.HaddonMusings.com. Jacqueline has very kindly invited me for this interview.bernadette

My entire marriage my husband has told me I was a writer and encouraged me to sit down and take out the pen and put it to paper. I always demurred and explained to him and there are readers and there are writers and being an avid reader does not make a person a writer. But then about four years ago during my morning walk, I started to feel a need to express my appreciation for all the beauty my small village holds.

So I started to write about Haddonfield and its citizens. Hence the name HaddonMusings. Surprisingly, I became confident in my writing and was fascinated by the fact that anyone would possibly be interested in my scribbles. As I started to meet these fascinating bloggers from all over the world, my blog became wider in scope.

One of the outcomes of meeting so many people was I became curious about how many bloggers were of my generation. I wanted to see and read about their creative journey during the aging process. So, I actively sought out people over the age of 50 and formed a regular column called the Senior Salon.

At the Salon, I have been able to form a warm community of people who are doing many different and fascinatingly creative things during these bonus years. It has been my great pleasure to watch them interact with each other and form new relationships.

Three years ago my granddaughter was born and this led to a rekindling of my feminist ideals. I want her to know about the true strength of being a feminist. I want her to know that a woman can be whatever she wants and she doesn’t have to be strident or dislike men in order to do that. So, I started writing my regular feature called Feminist Friday. I have really enjoyed doing the research for these columns and I have been gratified by the number of woman of every age from all over the world that have supported this project.

This year I started writing another regular feature called 52 Weeks of Thankfulness. I am writing this in response to all the negativity and acrimony that I am encountering on a daily basis in my country. My hope is by refocusing attention to the good in the world, I can help eradicate the rampant negativity.

Jacqueline asks how I keep myself motivated. My motivation comes from reading so many other fabulous blogs and wondering if I can, as a writer, achieve the same quality of writing.

My Muse – Haddonfield

Jacqueline wanted me to share my most challenging moment during this blogging journey. I know that my biggest challenges when I started blogging was learning the etiquette of blogging. I had two very nasty encounters with long-time bloggers’ due to the fact that I didn’t understand the etiquette of this format. If you are just starting out, I would strongly suggest learning those rules quickly.

And yes, Jacqueline, I would very much encourage others to blog. Circling back to the Senior Salon, I think that blogging is a splendid creative outlet and as we age it become more and more important to find new creative enterprises in which to participate. Creativity is important for the mind and the spirit.

Jacqueline asks what is my next goal in blogging and I would say that I have a great desire to publish an online journal featuring the work of my peer group. From the research that I have done so far, the last time a journal featuring the creativity of the senior population was printed was back in the late 1960’s. It seems to me that such a publication is long overdue for resurrection.

Thank you, Jacqueline, for this opportunity.

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Guest Posts

Meet Robin Baldwin and Her Gorgeous Family

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I simply love getting to know folks better in this space. I keep thinking that one day in the near future, there’ll be a facetime opportunity to meet with all those whom I’ve connected with over these past months of blogging.

When you interact with someone for a while their warmth seeps through their words and Robin is one of the lovely souls I have been interacting with in this space and I believe in connecting my friends. Please, I implore you to take a bit of time to visit her blog and say hello.

Thank you, dear Robin, for sharing bits of you with us 🙂Image result for images to thank you flower

 

 

 

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A bit about me

My name is Robin Baldwin. I was born and raised in Southern California, where I still live. I have a Bachelor’s degree in business and a Master’s degree in mass communication. I am a senior manager at IEEE Computer Society and have worked there for 21 years.

I have been married for 19 years to my amazing husband, Michael. He is a wonderful life partner and father to our daughters.

I am a Christian and believe in the power and beauty of God. I converted to being Catholic about a year after my daughters were baptized at our church. So spirituality is an important theme in my poetry.

I try to have a positive outlook on life whenever possible. I treat others like I want to be treated and I always want the underdogs to win.

A bit about my blog

On my blog, you will find thoughts, mostly poems, about what’s going on in my life through the views of the various roles I assume in any given moment: mom of twins, wife, daughter, friend, manager, woman, spiritual seeker.

I’ve written poetry on and off throughout the years since I was a teenager. In the last several years I’ve been busy working and parenting, but lately, I’ve found small windows of opportunity to write. It has made me want to write more, so I decided to start a blog as a creative outlet.

I have been amazed at the generous support and love this blogging community gives. It keeps me motivated to keep writing.

One of my initial poems for my blog is at https: My Table

I also write a lot about my daughters, so this is my most recent post about when my husband and I decided to let our twins room in separate rooms for their class field trip: These Girls

How I keep motivated with blogging

I keep writing about the things that matter most to me. Seeing the likes, comments, and follows really helps!

What’s your most challenging moment in your blogging journey so far?

None so far and Yes, I would totally encourage others to blog! Especially if you ever wondered if you have what it takes to be a writer. The feedback from this wonderful WordPress community is empowering.

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My typical day

I am up by 6:30 am to get ready for the day. Then I wake up my girls up and get them going for school. I take them to school and then go to work. I usually have several meetings each day either with my team or with colleagues to discuss various projects we’re working on.

After work, I meet up with my family at home where we have dinner together (my husband is the cook and makes fabulous meals!). While the girls finish homework, my husband and I try to catch up on each other’s days.

In the near future

I don’t have any specific plans for my blog other than to continue to keep nurturing it by posting at least a couple of times per week, visiting other blogs, and participating in blog parties like the ones you host each month.

However, my next goal in writing is to submit to poetry publications. And, now that I think about it, some day in the future I might publish a book of my poetry.

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Gratitude

For The Gifts That Come From Above – Personal

jacquelineobyikocha10 Comments

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There were times in the past that I climbed the steep heights of elation and then came crashing down to nothingness, that I was left feeling like a happiness junkie always in search of that elusive happy rush and when it wasn’t present I felt that everything was wrong with my world.

It took the conscious stepping back and trying to understand myself, trying to break down my issues, compartmentalize and address them one by one to grasp what was going on and how to deal with them.

The tendency was that if something was not right in one aspect of my life – for instance, shortage of finances, I would allow that to dictate how I felt about every other thing, thus missing the beautiful and little things that made my life better.

It’s taken years, soul searching and being in the moment to come to the point where I deal with issues as they are and not allow it/them to mar the rest of my joy.

As I sit writing this little note, I look back and I’m amazed at how the simple journey of journaling my gratitude and making the effort to discover myself inside this body of mine has helped me learn to live in the moment and to appreciate every bit of it.

I no longer seek the happiness rush from momentary elation, rather, I’m charting a steady course of contentment gained from living life itself.

I am thankful for journey mercies bestowed on my husband who returned last night from Toronto. For the great things and little things that I’ve been able to achieve, for the thoughts, inspirations, and imaginations that flood my mind, for vitality and the drive to stay focused and keep moving forward. These are not things that I could buy with money, but they are gifts that come from above.

© Jacqueline Oby-Ikocha

If you wish to participate in a gratitude challenge, there are several gratitude/thankful platforms in the blogosphere that you can tune into and get your ithankful going on. I can’t express in words the enormity of Joy and fulfillment that comes from having a heart of gratitude. Please check out Maria’s blog,Colline’s blog and Bernadette’s for thankful/gratitude challenges.

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Personal story · This Is My Life

I’m Every Woman! Breaking The Fashion Mold and Mindset – Personal

jacquelineobyikocha32 Comments

A journey of self-discovery is a continuous affair that may sometimes come with the discomfort of stretching one’s boundaries, but the elation derived from the success of breaking these boundaries is worth the discomfort.picsart_10-17-09-43-231

Earlier in the year, my decision was to keep pushing myself to step up and dare to be different. Daring to be different to me means not settling for less but to keep aspiring and putting in my best. I’ve realized that once a mind opens up to such thoughts, life presents the playing field.

Sometime in July, I saw a call for action in the newspaper inviting interested people to audition for the opportunity to model at a fashion show and my interest was certainly piqued. After quelling the initial butterflies in my stomach, I dashed off an email to the organizers of FFA – Fashion For All.

A part of my brain was praying that they shouldn’t respond so that I would chicken out but lo and behold, they responded and invited me to the audition.

Yours truly Jacqueline built up all the imaginable excuses – valid and not so valid – within me. I told myself that I am too old, that models come in rail thin sizes, that they are probably only looking for Asian, Far-East, and European looks. Just think of the excuse, I had it, however, the niggling voice that pushes me wouldn’t let me rest, so I went for the audition.

Two weeks later I received a pleasant phone call that I had been selected alongside 30 other participants and to cut a long story short, we started rigorous and interesting training sessions that took place in the evenings after work hours.

This exposure has shown me sides of myself that astound me. In me, I’ve found facets of every woman. I realize that failure is truly for want of trying and that most times our fear which stems from being judged by others holds us back, forgetting that the people we face are human like we are and all have their own burden of insecurities to deal with.

The wonderful organizers of Fashion for All did a fantastic job and pulled off a successful show. I daresay that all those who participated in this event went away the better for it. I gained friends, laughter, and limelight and I must express my appreciations to Zareen Khan of W2W, The Founder of FFA and her team. To my fellow models ( yes we’ve earned the title) I wish you all the best as you reach for the stars in your endeavours.

The best things in life are yet to come for those who believe and while you are searching for these best things, embrace yourself and your curves because your beauty has no boundaries. Love who you are in totality and know that your age does not define nor limit you. Stand tall in quelling those niggling thoughts of doubt that gets in the way of living your dreams or aspiring for more.

Just walk your ramp wherever it may be.

Below is a gallery of some of the photos that were taken before and during the event. For more photos, you can check out  W2W FACEBOOK page.

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