Tag Archive | grief

We All Grieve – How To Support Someone Grieving

For some reason, some people find the grieving process embarrassing and uncomfortable, thus the tendency for such people is to avoid those who show their pain, or on the other hand, to hide their pain and carry on with life as usual.


Grief, Sadness, How To Support A Bereaved Person

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At some point in time, we all suffer a loss and we grieve, but because majority of people think of grief as that single instance or short period of time of experiencing pain or sadness in response to a loss, many are literally rushed through the grieving process and encouraged to party away their sorrows so to speak.

What many fail to understand is that grieving is a highly emotional process which differs from person to person and can last a long time. No one can tell another how to grieve because you don’t bear their pain.

For anyone who’s going through loss, there are ways that help to mitigate the situation even when the pain is palpable and seems unending.

  • Give it time and always allow yourself the quietness and space you need to be alone. Have a meltdown if you need to. Tears help to rid the body of stress hormones.

 

  • Accept the way you feel, no matter how you feel and don’t judge yourself for grieving over your loss.

 

  • Write it out. Write a letter to your loved one, or journal your thought process about your loss.

 

  • Talk about it with others who have experienced loss. How do they find the strength to carry on? Don’t be ashamed to ask such questions.

 

  • Talk to your lost loved one even if your conversation feels strange and one-sided.

 

  • Look through your old photos, letters, emails or other things that you shared. Relive those wonderful times/and not so wonderful times shared.

 

  • Find a hobby that makes you happy, kick-start a healthier lifestyle.

 

  • Wear something of theirs, like a piece of jewellery, chain, watch…which could instil a sense of closeness.

 

  • Honour them with poetry if you are into writing poetry or a piece of testimonial that you are able to write infused with details of your loved one.

 

  • Take it one day at a time, celebrate life as much as you can, get out more into nature and remember to honour them by living happy and living the way that they would have wanted you to.

Support, Helping Hand, Compassion, Friendship, Love, Caring

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How to offer support to someone recently bereaved and what not to say to them.

  • Don’t avoid someone who’s been bereaved. It only hurts them further. Sending a brief note, text, email, phone call or other means of contact is a good idea.
  • Don’t ever compare the loss of someone’s loved one to the loss of a pet.
  • Don’t tell someone how they’re feeling because their grief is personal and everyone process things differently.
  • Don’t stop someone crying or telling them not to cry. Though this might be meant to be helpful, it seems as if you are shutting them down and asking the person to bottle up their emotion.
  • A reassuring, gentle touch to let them know you are there is sufficient. You are not obliged to say something immediately.
  • Remember that grief lasts long after the delivery of the sad news. Check on the person at regular intervals to know how they are doing.
  • Following the shocking news, the first few days and even weeks may be hard on the bereaved that daily tasks like cooking and eating become difficult. Sending food and offering to help with mundane admin tasks is helpful. Your friend may need extra support.
  • Soon after the death, someone needs to sign the death certificate. This usually falls on a close member of the family and it’s a tough task to do alone. If you are in a position to go with the bereaved ensure that they have all the vital information and documentation required because a death certificate cannot be altered.
  • Attend the funeral if possible. It is comforting to know that there are lots of people to see off a loved one.
  • Be mindful of saying such things like: “they have gone to a better place,”  or “they died at a good age.” There’s never a right age to lose someone you love.
  •  Don’t be afraid to share the minutiae details or funny anecdotes of your day with them. Distracting, normal everyday news of other people’s lives can be comforting.
  • Don’t let fear hold you back from helping. Be someone’s shoulder and listening ear as they walk through their grief.
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The Dreaded Phone Call…Friday fiction in five sentences.

She was on her way back to town when the call came in, her fingers slackened and the phone slipped, falling on the cobblestones with a thud, but she just couldn’t bend to pick it up as she stood rooted to the spot, her legs too heavy laden to move forward.

Staring unseeingly into the distance, tears filled Ellen’s eyes and brimmed over with a silent scream that tore through her head and her heart shattered in tiny bits.

She always knew that this day was coming, yet she wasn’t braced for it.

That single dreaded call, that she had prayed never to receive finally came.

……And the man died! Head bowed in deep grief, her knees buckled as she sank into bone-wracking wailing; like a wild animal, Ellen’s cry was not a pretty sight. She cried with all her being, but everyone who knew her understood why.

© Jacqueline Oby-Ikocha

Barbara

Her eyes

The pain stung her flesh,

But couldn’t pierce her soul!

Ha! She laughed in it’s face.

Her defiant laughter, a taunt in pains face.

Fiercely she fought,

Giving it her all,

Victorious she won,

Depriving pain, the gain of it all,

Though this flesh is gone for good,

She has exchanged it for a better one,

Her spirit lives on,

Her laughter shall echo in the winds,

Her unfading presence,

A cloak of comfort,

To those she left behind.

In memory of Barbara Beacham

© Jacqueline Oby-Ikocha

inlinkz

As most of you know by now, Barbara Beacham, the lovely host of “Monday’s Finish the Story” flash fiction challenge, passed away from cancer, on Sunday, November 22.

Because she was a beacon for many of us, several people have asked that a flash fiction challenge be done in her honor and in her memory. This is a ‘special’ challenge and does not replace the normal weekly challenge which will be posted as normal.

Thank you Priceless Joy for presenting this humbling idea. May she rest well.

Image credit: Pixabay

How Do You Heal A Heartsick Heart?…….HELP me!

sad-black-woman

I know all that I want to say;

There are drafts, lots of them;

The words are not lacking at all;

The ideas are bounteous and overflowing;

Yet I have no words to say anything;

Because I am heartsick!

How do you heal a sick heart?

How do I get my happy again?

I know the words in my treasured Bible;

I know that they comfort me;

I ask for a silver lining in this dark cloud;

But I see nothing; not yet at least;

Is it under my bed?

Maybe I should take a look!

Is it in a bottle?

I have no head for such!

Is it in prayers?

A heavy heart, all I do is sigh!

In the pages of a book?

My drifting mind goes here and there!

Where is it?

But still my heart sickens within me;

I feel empty like a hollow drum;

And I hate to feel this way;

Or to have a pity party;

It is said that time heals;

I think time just covers the sores;

Of oozing wounds;

But the scar tissues are left behind;

To remind us of the battles behind;

I try all the positive pick me ups;

I do hate to be in the doldrums;

I stuff myself with sugary bites;

Hoping to find some delight;

Yet nothing seems to work!

At least I can try to write the pain away!

How do you heal a heartsick heart?

Does anyone know?

Because this struggle is real!

I am human not machine;

I feel things like every other like me;

Despite the upbeat state of mind;

That I choose to maintain;

Sometimes, the pain is so real

It consumes your entire being;

You cannot seem to think of anything else;

The laughter is forced;

The companionship is wanted and not wanted;

The placation placates and annoys;

Your feelings are all twisted and upside down;

Sometimes, I wish that it is easy to stop feeling;

To become an Island and create a buffer around your heart;

That way you loose no one and you feel nothing;

But that would be a sad waste wouldn’t it?

The struggle is real!

Some may think it is a show of weakness;

To wail and to seek for help;

But I know that I don’t have all the answers;

Neither do I care for toughies who know it all!

Tell me; how do you heal a heartsick heart?

P.S. When the grim reaper deals a blow; Someone must be left grappling with the wicked show!

Jacqueline Oby-Ikocha