in a nutshell...
Life is too hard to D.I.Y. Cultivate a circle of friends no matter how few.
Tag: #friendship
Positivity From Adversity
In the toughest of times, it can be difficult to draw upon positivity and inspiration. But, with a change of perspective, these issues can become a well-spring of not only creativity but also happiness!
Happiness in adversity! Source.
The first change of perspective is:
Plan Accordingly!
Once you fall upon hard times, it can be easy to become lost in a mire of misery and simply think it is inescapable. This isn’t true! If you’re experiencing money troubles, then working alongside a financial planner can help pull you back into the black, and get you back on your feet. Helpful resources exist for advice on how to choose a financial planner – this will not only help you in the short-term but can set you on your way for future success.
Planning doesn’t just apply to monetary issues though. It may be that the adversity you face is the disability of a loved one, maybe even your own child. This can seem overwhelmingly bleak, but if you plan thoroughly you can not only guarantee your own security but secure your loved one’s future and quality of life. Investing in a special needs trust is a neat and secure way of guaranteeing them a stable life, be they young or old, and will free you mentally to enjoy the best of times with them. Life isn’t all about finances, but securing them financially can safeguard future treatments, allowing you to nurture them with love with a reduced weight upon your shoulders.
This leads to the second shift in perspective:
Creatively Document Your Struggles and Successes!
Change can be a good thing! Change can help shift your perspectives and bring you back in touch with the things that really matter. Disabled people aren’t here to inspire us, but still, we can draw inspiration from the experiences of anyone who experiences and overcomes difficult times. If you yourself have difficulties you can channel them into creative outlets such as poetry, or even running an inspirational blog! People all over the world channel difficulty into uplifting stories of how they overcome setback after setback, and you too could join them!
Alongside a properly thought-out and implemented plan for recovery, documenting your journey can bring light in moments of darkness, and can itself become that which best drags you back into the good times! Studies exist as to the value of adversity in the creative mind, and this shows that – even if you’ve gotten into a dark spot of writer’s block (or the equivalent for your pursuit!) – you can haul yourself out with a fresh new perspective to boot.
You can channel yourself into a new hobby, with the little successes you win yourself pursuing those hobbies helping build towards overall wins in your wider life! Perhaps you’ll even take up cooking? Cooking yourself hearty meals can do absolute wonders for your state of mind, and as you get more confident in your abilities you’ll soon be making all sorts of fantastic meals! You’ll have gained yourself new skills, brought some positivity into your life and can even save yourself a little money – all whilst bringing you closer to your loved ones! After all, everyone loves a packed family table and a home-cooked meal! (Of course, you can always channel your efforts elsewhere – hand-knitted gifts go down a treat!)
A hearty meal does wonders for the frazzled mind. Source.
This is a collaborative post.
We All Grieve – How To Support Someone Grieving
For some reason, some people find the grieving process embarrassing and uncomfortable, thus the tendency for such people is to avoid those who show their pain, or on the other hand, to hide their pain and carry on with life as usual.
At some point in time, we all suffer a loss and we grieve, but because majority of people think of grief as that single instance or short period of time of experiencing pain or sadness in response to a loss, many are literally rushed through the grieving process and encouraged to party away their sorrows so to speak.
What many fail to understand is that grieving is a highly emotional process which differs from person to person and can last a long time. No one can tell another how to grieve because you don’t bear their pain.
For anyone who’s going through loss, there are ways that help to mitigate the situation even when the pain is palpable and seems unending.
- Give it time and always allow yourself the quietness and space you need to be alone. Have a meltdown if you need to. Tears help to rid the body of stress hormones.
- Accept the way you feel, no matter how you feel and don’t judge yourself for grieving over your loss.
- Write it out. Write a letter to your loved one, or journal your thought process about your loss.
- Talk about it with others who have experienced loss. How do they find the strength to carry on? Don’t be ashamed to ask such questions.
- Talk to your lost loved one even if your conversation feels strange and one-sided.
- Look through your old photos, letters, emails or other things that you shared. Relive those wonderful times/and not so wonderful times shared.
- Find a hobby that makes you happy, kick-start a healthier lifestyle.
- Wear something of theirs, like a piece of jewellery, chain, watch…which could instil a sense of closeness.
- Honour them with poetry if you are into writing poetry or a piece of testimonial that you are able to write infused with details of your loved one.
- Take it one day at a time, celebrate life as much as you can, get out more into nature and remember to honour them by living happy and living the way that they would have wanted you to.
How to offer support to someone recently bereaved and what not to say to them.
- Don’t avoid someone who’s been bereaved. It only hurts them further. Sending a brief note, text, email, phone call or other means of contact is a good idea.
- Don’t ever compare the loss of someone’s loved one to the loss of a pet.
- Don’t tell someone how they’re feeling because their grief is personal and everyone process things differently.
- Don’t stop someone crying or telling them not to cry. Though this might be meant to be helpful, it seems as if you are shutting them down and asking the person to bottle up their emotion.
- A reassuring, gentle touch to let them know you are there is sufficient. You are not obliged to say something immediately.
- Remember that grief lasts long after the delivery of the sad news. Check on the person at regular intervals to know how they are doing.
- Following the shocking news, the first few days and even weeks may be hard on the bereaved that daily tasks like cooking and eating become difficult. Sending food and offering to help with mundane admin tasks is helpful. Your friend may need extra support.
- Soon after the death, someone needs to sign the death certificate. This usually falls on a close member of the family and it’s a tough task to do alone. If you are in a position to go with the bereaved ensure that they have all the vital information and documentation required because a death certificate cannot be altered.
- Attend the funeral if possible. It is comforting to know that there are lots of people to see off a loved one.
- Be mindful of saying such things like: “they have gone to a better place,” or “they died at a good age.” There’s never a right age to lose someone you love.
- Don’t be afraid to share the minutiae details or funny anecdotes of your day with them. Distracting, normal everyday news of other people’s lives can be comforting.
- Don’t let fear hold you back from helping. Be someone’s shoulder and listening ear as they walk through their grief.
Friendship – Everyday beautiful people 85
“Friends are the family we choose for ourselves.” Edna Buchanan
![Friends[1]](https://acookingpotandtwistedtales.files.wordpress.com/2016/07/friends1.jpg)
I sat yesterday nursing a smoothie after work and trying to write a couple of lines before moving along, but as usual my eyes’ were drawn to passersby when the two lovely ladies strolled by leisurely chatting, laughing and hands entwined as they admired the dresses through the boutiques show glass.
My eyes trailed them for several minutes and after a while I could no longer resist going up to chat with them briefly. They shared bits about themselves and their philosophy with me and I went away feeling fuller in spirit and wearing a smile.
Indeed, friends can be found in unlikely places and a true friend will accept who you are, will hold your hand and will help you become who you should be.
Below is my first just published Poetry Book “Out of the silent breath” which is available on Amazon and Smashwords.
When you buy my book, you support me in an invaluable manner.
“Beautiful Poetry of Life and Love.” Amanda
Have you met fabulous Raili?.. Guest Post.
Let me briefly introduce you to Raili of Soul Gifts and leave it to you to get to know her yourself.
We met during our photo 101 class and have interacted well ever since. I totally enjoy her witty sense of humour, the delivery of her vivid stories that can transport you from mirth, to wonder, to daydream and much more .
I feel honoured that she accepted to grant me an interview and responding very nicely to my nosey -pokey questions 😉
In her responses below, you will agree with me that I chose well.
Do sit back and have a read. Thank you and my regards.
- Introduce yourself (a bit about you), background, your likes, dislikes and general outlook towards life.
Thank you, Jacquie, for so generously hosting this series of interviews with fellow bloggers. What a good way to meet and greet each other !
What a good way to meet and greet each other !
I’m a happily married and retired woman of leisure with a 30-year career in mental health nursing behind me. Born in Finland, I migrated to Australia with my family as a 7-year-old.
My family moved around a lot while I was growing up, following Dad’s footsteps. He was a Minister of Religion to the Finnish Lutheran Community in Australia. Growing up in a Christian home gave me a strong foundation, values, and beliefs.
Married with two adult sons, I have pretty much-stayed put, moving house only once, and that was in the same city. We were DINKS (double income no kids) for the first 15 years.
Infertility imposed that on us. Eventually, after a long and arduous journey, we adopted our two boys from overseas – India and the Philippines. My husband has just recently retired too. He has his very own category in my blog – The Retired Husband. We look forward to many years of enjoying a leisurely life together. So far life has been pretty good. I wouldn’t change a thing.
This, my first post, is a tongue-in-cheek intro of myself to the world of blogging. It took a leap of faith and courage to press that ‘publish’ button the very first time! https://soulgifts.com.au/2015/08/01/hello-world/
- Tell us about your blog and your purpose for starting it. Did you have any set goals in mind when you were setting up your blog? What do you think about the blogging phenomenon itself? Here, you can share some links of your top posts or blog posts that you particularly like with us.
I’ve always loved writing. Back in primary school one of my teachers gave me a 10 out of 10 for a descriptive essay I wrote, saying he wished he could give me more.
The best he could do, he said, was read it out to the class. Mortified as I was back then, I have never forgotten how thrilled I was deep down. Starting my own blog emerged as an itch that had to be scratched. So I plunged in the deep end back in August 2015 and got started.
Knowing nothing about blogging, it took me weeks to get it set up. And I have been tweaking it ever since! Better late than never I recently discovered WP Blogging University. It has skyrocketed my learning curve.
Why do I blog ? Because I love writing. About lots of things. From the deeply serious to the flippantly funny. Now, having spent the best part of the last 9 months blogging, there’s a whole host of other reasons too –
Meeting new people from all over the world
Armchair travelling through others eyes
Reading – fascinating words that I would not normally come across anywhere else
Making wonderful new friends
Reading the comments on blogs sometimes is so entertaining and informative
Keeps my brain alive and active with the never ending challenges and learning opportunities that seem to go hand in hand with the whole blogging experience
Here are a few links to my work –
I asked friends, readers and followers for 3 word prompt to write stories to. All in all, I wrote 19 of them –
I tell a tale about my colonoscopy experience in this one: Shat me pants
This is a two-part story in response to a prompt from the feathered sleep and a Sandbox Challenge
Voyage of Time – part 1
Voyage of Time – part 2
This is the all-time top post so far. It is about the building of our boat. There are many more boat stories in the Finally category – Boat in the Backyard
This poem was read out on the David Snape radio show recently. It is one that emerged from my Soul – Birth
This is a Dr-Seuss inspired tongue twister – Thinking puddle
The more serious side of me writes about :
Mind, Body, Soul newsletter about nurturing and growth – April 2016
Citizenship rights, equality, dignity and respect for all – Declared Insane
World free of fear – Prayer for Peace
Health and wellbeing – Green Therapy
- Take us on a typical day spent with you. Show us a bit of your World and yes we love photos of your pets.
Being retired, my mornings are leisurely. We have no alarm clock in the bedroom to jar us awake. A usual morning for me starts with a glass of lemon water, reading the local paper and having a go at the crossword and scrambled letters puzzles.
Followed by a leisurely breakfast and a bit of housework, I then head off to make the bed, have a shower and get dressed. Via my office to see what’s new in the Inbox.
The afternoons may include more housework, perhaps a bit of time in the garden, shopping, meeting up with friends for a spot of lunch, more blog time. After the evening meal and a bit of television ( we are cooking show tragics…) I head off to the world of blogging. And bed anytime between 10pm and 1am. Throughout, I am shadowed by my faithful little four legged friend Tess. She is happiest when I’m home.
- What’s the next pit-stop for your blog’s outreach? Are there any publishing plans in the offing?
I am in the final throes of drafting a Circle of Friends based theme for May. In it, I will invite fellow bloggers, readers, followers, visitors to share their stories, experiences, ideas etc about what friendship means to them… there will be more to come about this very soon. As for publishing – who knows what the future holds!
Thank you, Jacquie, for this opportunity to share a little about my world and my blog.
Would you like to guest post or an interview? Feel free to contact me through my contact page or on email: JacquelineObyIkocha@gmail.com
Mimic…Every day beautiful people #16…
‘Female friendships that work are relationships in which women help each other belong to themselves.’ Louise Bernikow
For some good moments, I enjoyed watching their similar expressions at each given moment. 🙂
The miracle of friendship…
The miracle of friendship happens in great ways even though they may seem small. When we speak to others, we have no idea how much life our words carry and mean. This post is the best that I have read today. It was least expected that I should see my name in a post such as this and not only am I humbled by Darrel’s words, but I am humbled to think that my words can make a difference enough for this lovely person to count me as a worthy friend.
Depression is an ailment that is not too well understood and it is a silent killer. It’s never an easy burden to bear on those who suffer from it.
I started out wanting to write a blog about depression, as well as this one, concerning how I feel about my friends in the blogging community… The two seemed to be intertwined in my mind, which was confusing me about what to say, and when. So I’ll begin with the most important. It’s not the volume of friends that I have here that matters to me, it’s the miraculous advancements in my writing, I couldn’t possibly achieve without them! They are the reason I can hang in, while my depression always says that I can’t! That would be next to impossible in and of itself… So you see? A few loyal friends is way heavier than a multitude of fair weather friends who desert you when you’re at a low point in your live; just the time when you need your friends the most!
They have done more than keep…
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Everyday Beautiful People #4…
“Every one of us is, in the cosmic perspective, precious. If a human disagrees with you, let him live. In a hundred billion galaxies, you will not find another.” Carl Sagan
![1459441840886[1]](https://acookingpotandtwistedtales.files.wordpress.com/2016/03/14594418408861.jpg)
#We are all wonderfully made.
Tuesdays Trickles…My thinking corner.
Every Tuesday, I share snippets of thoughts that I call ‘My Thinking Corner.’
I would like to invite you to participate. The challenge is quite simple.
Each Tuesday, share your very short snippets of positive, inspiring, motivating, health, spiritual, writing advice, clips, posts etc, that can serve as a prop to motivate others and simply add my link to your post.
I call it my thinking corner because, I actually take out a bit of time just to think through things, encapsulate my thoughts as much as possible and detoxify my mind.
It might work for you in a different way, but the idea is to get the positive thoughts flowing.
Please send in your little thoughts. You never know whose life you might inspire.
![1457420329862[1]](https://acookingpotandtwistedtales.files.wordpress.com/2016/03/14574203298621.jpg)
- We cannot plow our fields by sitting under the shaded tree, chewing on a twig and turning the garden of our dreams in our minds. Our hands must get dirty in the muck and the hoe.
- To climb up to that success ladder, you must unfold those hands cradling your chin and hold the ladder.
- Your children can teach a lot of great life lessons, especially in patience. You will realize how elastic your patience truly is.
- Life has no short cuts except you wish to cut it short.
- A lot of people want to be somebody notable. Be patient and be yourself first of all. There’s a whole lot of being in you.
© Jacqueline Oby-Ikocha
Our Thinkers Thoughts came in from:
Giggles & Tales prayers from the heart shows us that the only way is really to put those difficulties into prayers.
Dollops of heedful ramblings simple message is age old and yet has never gone out of fashion.
Annette’s message gives me lot’s of hope for indeed, you are never too old to dream a new dream.
Friends on my mind can I count on you or are you there just when it’s all beautiful?
Honest me I fell in love with this. Wish I could find one for my house.
Deb’s words of wisdom are little nuggets that speaks volumes.
Parenting with purpose Seye’s colourful messages always grabs my attention.
Thank you to all the contributors. May these words take roots in our lives and may our harvest be bountiful 🙂
‘So, when will you share those nuggets of wisdom of yours?’
Wordless Wednesday…Friends
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a cooking pot and twisted tales 