Me and my dirty thoughts…Streams of consciousness Saturday.

May 21, 2016 jacquelineobyikocha8 Comments

“Just put a brake on those thoughts my dear lady! Okay, simmer in them a little bit and get all dirty, then put a lid on the steam because you know how dirty it can get when you go down low.”

That phrase above was my sensible mind lecturing the roaming sad part of my mind that woke up this morning looking for all the sad things and dirty thoughts to latch onto so that she can get thoroughly miserable.

A lot of times, the state of mind that we go to bed with determines our waking thoughts and I’ve been teaching myself how to train my mind into serenity before retiring to sleep.

Sometimes, I fail to control the brakes of certain wheels of thoughts that start out innocently by wandering a dark path and before you know it, it snowballs into one ugly, berating predator.

It’s definitely good to think things through but in a sensible manner of mind over matter and not letting my emotional intelligence fall to pieces by allowing my renegade thoughts that can run at break-neck speed lead me into the temptation.

It’s a natural tendency for us to seek out ways of comfort when we are feeling some discomfort, physically or otherwise and my current feelings of discomfort were emanating from deep recesses.

The next pit-stop if I willingly followed that piper’s flute is to either look for food to eat to comfort myself, or get into a tiff with dear Himself – who did nothing to earn my quarrel, or growl at the children and leave them perplexed or watch a sappy chick flick so that I can have some reason to cry over what I don’t even fully understand.

Okay. Enough said. I’m glad I put a brake on the thoughts for now and haven’t done something silly so far. I’m just going to toddle off and give my mind a break. I’m going to do what I call my methodical solution thinking and get to the nitty-gritty of my rotten feeling.

That’s after some good breakfast at least 🙂

Now, I feel kind of better and more proactive. Thank you, Linda, for today’s breaking prompt.

Jacqueline

Below is my first just published Poetry Book “Out of the silent breath” which is available on Amazon and Smashwords.

When you buy my book, you support me in an invaluable manner.

Out of the silent breath

Expose my heart

that I may understand your words

through every conscious,

awakened pore of each moment.

*an excerpt from my poem*

What if?…Streams of Consciousness Saturday.

May 14, 2016 jacquelineobyikocha15 Comments

What if?

An innocuous question that had held me bound to the strictures of stifling memories, until I cut it’s ugly strings.

What if I fail?
What if I had done things differently?
What if the past was not as it is?
What if I hadn’t walked that path that evening?
What if the man hadn’t run into the road?
What if the babies had lived?
What if x,y,z and so much more?

The shoulda, woulda and coulda’s dance before the eyes like taunting pendulum until I seized it’s swaying string and cut it off.

We live in what if’s as if we really could have stopped what has passed with time – which we can’t!

Our what if’s become a cage, the jury and a judge, holding us prey to its sway and except we take away our eyes on that outdated swinging ball, we will remain in the land of wishful thinking and regret where nothing happens.

These innocuous words ‘what if’ aren’t my favourite two words, because it holds probabilities that tend to border on negativity.

Therefore, except the ‘what if’ connotes positivism, I’d rather drop it from my vocabulary and get on with life as it is.

Our Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is: Start your post with a two-letter word. End it with a two-letter word for bonus points. I chose ‘what if.’

Below is my first just published Poetry Book “Out of the silent breath” which is available on Amazon and Smashwords.

When you buy my book, you support me in an invaluable manner.

Out of the silent breath

Enchant me with your expressive eyes, that crinkles in laughter as you speak

that I may find myself ever caught between,

the reflections of your pupils and there shall I remain.

*an excerpt of my poem*

Life · Parenting · Stream of Consciousness Saturday.

Not a piece of cake…Streams of consciousness Saturday.

May 8, 2016May 8, 2016 jacquelineobyikocha16 Comments

We all came from a parent and some people have foster, adoptive, and step -parents.

All the interactions that I have had with other parents lay emphasis on the fact that parenting is not a game or sport that comes with a one-size fit all manual.

Before I became a parent, I had absolutely no concrete idea what it would involve. Beyond imagining my cute babies in diapers, with ribbons in her hair or boys in baby blues, reading lots of motherhood literature, it’s been a case of trying, to the best of my ability and not losing my marbles while at it 🙂

As a matter of fact, it’s the hardest responsibility with far-reaching results that I have ever had to take on and you very well can’t resign from it. You are on duty 24/7 for the rest of your life even when they are old and have flown the coop and now it makes me appreciate my parents so much more.

I remember almost driving myself bonkers reading all The Dr. James Dobson Parenting Collection books that I could find until I realized that yes indeed, the books are very good guides and insights, but the books didn’t know me, my background, nor my child. So, a whole lot also had to be uniquely experienced.

A parents duty as a custodian of these young ones involves imparting the right values, a sense of well-being a wholesome identity, attitude and an endless list of scenarios to work with.

Leaving a legacy for generations after is no piece of cake. The wrong path can cause a whole lot of damage to a child and alienate them. We learn to balance love and discipline, to apply authority and gain their confidence without being oppressive.

In my opinion, the act of procreation is not sufficient to make one a parent. As a matter of fact, in some instances, procreation simply makes the person a biological vessel that brought the child to being because I’ve seen instances where I question how some humans treat the child/children who have been bestowed on to them.

My greatest fear as a mother is failing in my duty to raise upstanding, responsible children who will be a positive testimony to their generation.

Apparently, without over-stressing it, raising children requires lots of grace and wise counsel from above.

Apparently a parent, SoCS

Below is my first Poetry Book “Out of the silent breath” which is available on Amazon and Smashwords.

When you buy my book, you support me in an invaluable manner.

Out of the silent breath

Dance to your heart’s delight my African child, until echoes of your stamping feet, beating heart; bright eyes, smiling lips; and waving hands, resonates over and over like thunder claps, reverberating throughout the Universe.

Just dance.

Family · Musings · Stream of Consciousness Saturday.

The many sides of Ta,Ta…Streams of consciousness Saturday.

April 23, 2016 jacquelineobyikocha28 Comments

Today’s prompt for streams of consciousness Saturday is ‘ta’ a British slang for thank you which we could use it this way, or find any other word that starts with those two letters.

When we were much younger we used to say ‘ta da’ cheerily as a slang for expressing surprise, see you, there you are and it’s amusing to hear my children using this same slang for the very same expression and I honestly can’t recall teaching them that.

So it does appear that the English slang has passed from one generation to the other.

However, at this point in time as the word ‘ta’ comes to my mind, I am hardly thinking British at that moment. I am thinking in my native Igbo language.

In my language, the word ‘ta‘ is an abbreviated way of saying today, and its long form is ‘ubochi ta‘

Back home it’s used in a lot of proverbs especially by adults who use it to buttress a point.

Ta also refers to a fond way of addressing a little baby by stressing the word ‘ta-ah-ta’ being a shortened form for ‘nwa nta kiri’ meaning small child.

So with that said, I will ask you a question in my language and bid you a good day.

Kedu ka ubochi ta melu? How is your day today?

Ta bu gbo. Which means that the day is still young and you can achieve what you want. There is still time as long as there’s life.

Ka eme sia. See you later.

Personal · Stream of Consciousness Saturday. · This Is My Life

How many times have I failed? Maybe 5,000 or more. I won’t give up!

April 16, 2016 jacquelineobyikocha16 Comments

No. (Number) That’s what Linda gave us for today’s Saturday stream of consciousness and I had to remind myself over a no. of times to get up and do it.

Today, I have refused to do a good number of things except lie around and whine in my head. Taking a deep breath after the days almost gone, I haul my butt out to get it done.

It’s not a deliberate attitude not to do anything, except binge on food, but some deep lethargy that seems to have pervaded my mind for the past couple of weeks and this has made everything a drudgery.

I know the symptoms for I have experienced it over thousands of times and so many times when I allow the dragon out of its lair by letting the lethargy fester it never bodes well.

Over the thousand no. of times that I have allowed it take over, it dragged me down into its lair and turns me into a dragon myself. Everything that I am doing would give way for this sniveling, annoying, depressing monster who rears its ugly head when it wills.

It’s a good thing that I always have several bowls of prepared food in the fridge and freezer, so that way, my family don’t suffer on the days that lethargy seizes my bones.

Now that I’ve written, I feel better and can’t help wonder how many times I allowed it to beat me. Can I put a figure to the no. of times it got the better of me? I doubt if I can. However today, it’s not going to get my number anymore. Enough!

Family · Little rants · Stream of Consciousness Saturday.

Be Wise, it’s possible that I’ve been foolish!…Streams of consciousness Saturday.

April 2, 2016 jacquelineobyikocha37 Comments

‘Be wise,’ this caution repeats in my head so many times in a day, sometimes as early as when I rise up in the morning, that I am beginning to question myself to find out where my foolishness lies and why the caution keeps popping into my head.

How I wish the repetitive caution ‘be wise,’ jangled hard with cymbals and vuvuzela when I am about to help myself to a second slice of pie or cheesecake.

I have no problem with being wise after all, that’s what aging is meant to bring, even though I am beginning to question some older people’s sense of reasoning these days.

Some of them seem to have sold their sense for two cents that common sense is becoming less common in the quarters where you expect to see it.

Be wary of slick-tongued politicians. They make promises that they can’t keep. All their bluster is simply empty air. I guess a nation can’t live without leaders to direct their affairs, but the current state of affairs of my dear country Nigeria makes me wonder what those old men garbed as politicians are doing in there?

They are selling the nation short and robbing it blind. Could they just be honest for once in their lives?

I guess not. It’s simply not in their best interest to be pillars of honesty, otherwise, they can’t become thieves.

Besides Nigerian economic and political woes, these days, I have become more cautious with listening to news that simply raises my angst.

I have basically whittled it down to the barest minimum. I barely bother to listen to CNN anymore because all I get to hear is American political brouhaha and we have till November to suffer through such news, not that they used to show better things in the first place

Anyway, before I become dour and boring, let me heed to my inner voice of be wise and save myself some foolishness.

This weekend, I am going to be absolutely and decadently lazy. I am going to be doing some ‘me introspective time’ and generally chilling with my brood.

Life is certainly beautiful and as Linda’s prompt suggests, I am just going to ‘be’ing and not doing.

Challenges · Creative Writing · Life · Stream of Consciousness Saturday.

A Song Of The Taste Buds… Stream of consciousness Saturday

February 27, 2016 jacquelineobyikocha22 Comments

Food. Yes. It is one thing that we all partake of throughout our lives. It evokes a whole lot of good feelings and memories in most of us.

It is used to celebrate virtually every form of congregation known to man and as a former food business owner, it is a very profitable business, but also a slave master that requires so much work to produce a piece of delicacy that is consumed in a bite.

As though Linda is aware of my last night’s secrets of eating a little more helping from the buffet, with the prompt word ‘Food,’ I might as well confess and write the thoughts that I had when my eyes beheld the arrays of edible brilliance.

The Song Of My Taste Buds

The flowing fountain of chocolate

The decadent slices of creme brulee, creamy cakes and buttery cups of cream caramel

The offerings of fish dishes, pan-fried, battered, deep-fried baked or barbecued,

They all seemed, fluffy and delicious, asking for a taste.

Rice in such designs, from vegetable, to plain, to white, to curry, it’s all nice

The sauteed meats and the not so laughing cow

Giant shrimps and huge prawns with beady eyes,

The crabs claws looks set to give the fingers a pinch

The steam rising from the chaffing dishes,

Disseminating the flavourful aroma of dishes a plenty

Mashed potatoes to go with black pepper sauce

Artichokes, Mushrooms, Broccoli, Lettuce and so much more

Pot roast, meatloaf, clam chowders oh my

All the drool inducing platters

An orchestra to ravenous appetite

The soft music plays on as we rotate round the food circle

A bite, a sip of drink and laughter

The elation on the faces of the consumers, says it all

The conviviality in the air

Our senses all dancing to the beat of our stomach

And the siren call of the food platter.

Challenges · Hope · Life · Love · Stream of Consciousness Saturday.

Sweet Painful Contractions…Streams of Consciousness Saturday

February 20, 2016 jacquelineobyikocha24 Comments

Contraction! I am doubled over in visceral pain, trying to catch my breath. Now what happened to those breathing exercises, when you need them. I am huffing and puffing, though I don’t resemble the big bad Wolf in any way.

All I feel is the pain that knife’s through me as if my insides would be turned out and I would be rendered to pieces.

It hits again. Another big contraction. In waves, without stopping. I feel battered and almost out of my mind.

This is the labour room and a true definition of the word labour. This is hard work in all it’s beauty, pain and glory. This is nature in one of it’s finest moments. Arrgh!

I want to rise from this infernal bed and run away as fast as I can. As though running away would leave the pain behind.

Nope! This is the real deal. No longer any imitation in the name of Braxton Hicks. He is ready to say ‘Hello Mama‘ and I can’t wait to see him as well, that is if these contractions don’t kill me first.

I try not to swear as a bear down. I wouldn’t like the first words my baby gets to hear from me to be; ‘Damn Contractions!’

Well that was fun to write. Linda thank you for taking me down memory lane with your prompt. I couldn’t think of anything else once I saw the word ‘contraction.’

Have a lovely weekend good people.

Blog-hopping · Challenges · Stream of Consciousness Saturday.

Tireless Mind…Streams Of Consciousness Saturday.

February 13, 2016February 20, 2016 jacquelineobyikocha30 Comments

Well Linda it seems as if you know my mind is consumed with all the fine details of hosting my first blog meet-up party. Who would have thought it that nine months from starting my blog that I would have the gumption to jump into doing this and I can’t seem to ‘tire’ of thinking about how it would turn out.

I am getting daring and jumping into the deep end of these bloggy waters and now that I have jumped into the pool, I must not ‘tire’ easily of swimming in it.

It’s an adventure. My adrenaline is pumping and I am shuffling my music like a professional D.J.

My entire crew (my family) are smiling at my bubbly self and anyone would think that I am having a live party in my house.

I am practically struggling to resist the urge to pick up my house duster 🙂

I haven’t felt this excited in weeks and even though it involves ‘tireless’ hours of fixing this and doing that, it’s all good and I am enjoying the experience.

Now, I look with more respect and admiration at those bigger blogs I know, where the awesome bloggers behind them seem to do this effortlessly without any sweat.

Challenges · Family · Parenting · Photographs · Stream of Consciousness Saturday.

With These Fingers…Streams of consciousness Saturday.

February 6, 2016 jacquelineobyikocha48 Comments

It’s quite interesting that Linda’s prompt for SOCS which I just saw is ‘fingers.

Why I find it interesting is that I woke up this morning and as I was going through my Bible, for some reason my eyes fell on my hennaed hands and my first thought was how my hands and fingers resembled my dads own and for the fun of it, I took a picture.

I remember that as a child, I wanted my fingers to look like my mom’s own. Her fingers were dainty and nicely shaped, while mine took after my fathers own.

As the years went by, I grew to love mine as much as I love the man who passed on the genes.

His hands were hardworking and I believe that I inherited this trait. His hands were upright and as honest as could be and he had green fingers. Living things thrived in his care and plants bloomed generously in our garden.

I still remember, maybe I was four or less, his hands holding mine and guiding my fingers to scribble on my blackboard.

I remember vividly like yesterday as he walked me down the aisle and he took my hand with my beautifully painted fingers and placed them in my husband’s hands and in a gruff voice, he instructed my dear Himself to make sure that he looked after me.

Who knows, maybe I might equally have green fingers. I have moved around so much from one country to the other, that the last time I grew anything was several years back in my house in Nigeria. I look forward to the coming years to discover my green fingers.

Hold my hands in faith

And clutch my fingers tight

I will walk you through this journey

For you are not alone.