Tag Archive | compassion

We All Grieve – How To Support Someone Grieving

For some reason, some people find the grieving process embarrassing and uncomfortable, thus the tendency for such people is to avoid those who show their pain, or on the other hand, to hide their pain and carry on with life as usual.


Grief, Sadness, How To Support A Bereaved Person

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At some point in time, we all suffer a loss and we grieve, but because majority of people think of grief as that single instance or short period of time of experiencing pain or sadness in response to a loss, many are literally rushed through the grieving process and encouraged to party away their sorrows so to speak.

What many fail to understand is that grieving is a highly emotional process which differs from person to person and can last a long time. No one can tell another how to grieve because you don’t bear their pain.

For anyone who’s going through loss, there are ways that help to mitigate the situation even when the pain is palpable and seems unending.

  • Give it time and always allow yourself the quietness and space you need to be alone. Have a meltdown if you need to. Tears help to rid the body of stress hormones.

 

  • Accept the way you feel, no matter how you feel and don’t judge yourself for grieving over your loss.

 

  • Write it out. Write a letter to your loved one, or journal your thought process about your loss.

 

  • Talk about it with others who have experienced loss. How do they find the strength to carry on? Don’t be ashamed to ask such questions.

 

  • Talk to your lost loved one even if your conversation feels strange and one-sided.

 

  • Look through your old photos, letters, emails or other things that you shared. Relive those wonderful times/and not so wonderful times shared.

 

  • Find a hobby that makes you happy, kick-start a healthier lifestyle.

 

  • Wear something of theirs, like a piece of jewellery, chain, watch…which could instil a sense of closeness.

 

  • Honour them with poetry if you are into writing poetry or a piece of testimonial that you are able to write infused with details of your loved one.

 

  • Take it one day at a time, celebrate life as much as you can, get out more into nature and remember to honour them by living happy and living the way that they would have wanted you to.

Support, Helping Hand, Compassion, Friendship, Love, Caring

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How to offer support to someone recently bereaved and what not to say to them.

  • Don’t avoid someone who’s been bereaved. It only hurts them further. Sending a brief note, text, email, phone call or other means of contact is a good idea.
  • Don’t ever compare the loss of someone’s loved one to the loss of a pet.
  • Don’t tell someone how they’re feeling because their grief is personal and everyone process things differently.
  • Don’t stop someone crying or telling them not to cry. Though this might be meant to be helpful, it seems as if you are shutting them down and asking the person to bottle up their emotion.
  • A reassuring, gentle touch to let them know you are there is sufficient. You are not obliged to say something immediately.
  • Remember that grief lasts long after the delivery of the sad news. Check on the person at regular intervals to know how they are doing.
  • Following the shocking news, the first few days and even weeks may be hard on the bereaved that daily tasks like cooking and eating become difficult. Sending food and offering to help with mundane admin tasks is helpful. Your friend may need extra support.
  • Soon after the death, someone needs to sign the death certificate. This usually falls on a close member of the family and it’s a tough task to do alone. If you are in a position to go with the bereaved ensure that they have all the vital information and documentation required because a death certificate cannot be altered.
  • Attend the funeral if possible. It is comforting to know that there are lots of people to see off a loved one.
  • Be mindful of saying such things like: “they have gone to a better place,”  or “they died at a good age.” There’s never a right age to lose someone you love.
  •  Don’t be afraid to share the minutiae details or funny anecdotes of your day with them. Distracting, normal everyday news of other people’s lives can be comforting.
  • Don’t let fear hold you back from helping. Be someone’s shoulder and listening ear as they walk through their grief.
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When I call Your Name…

Support, Love, Community, Together, Encouragement

As I write this post, the song from ‘Like A Prayer’ by Madonna hums in my head, except that I change it from ‘when you call my name,’ to ‘when I call your name.’

Indeed, it’s a prayer when we beseech others and they attend to us through the kindness of their hearts. Last week, I sent out an SOS post requesting for support from all of you to help me with pushing my new book ‘Unbridled’ and indeed I heard your voices.

Many of you responded with advice, tips, offers, reblogs, featuring and I am working slowly through the list of things to do. I am so thankful for the outpouring of support. I am down on my knees and bless God for being in the midst of the blessings of this community.

Indeed, your voice takes me higher. I am grateful and think of an African proverb that says ‘when relatives help each other, the community grows stronger.’ You are my relatives.

Below is a snippet of review from Aspen Book Tree Reviews

First, I do want to say that some of the poems may be triggering for those recovering from abuse.

Second, I want to say, this is beautiful poetry.

The free verse is strong, descriptive, haunting, lovely.  Jacqueline paints with her words. like an artist.

This is no Monet, this is a Helen Frankenthaler with her bold marks and colors.  There is a section which is written in relation to abuse and some of it is very dark.   Darkness is gut wrenching at times, but the light of hope that shines through is blinding.

My heart agonizes for the girl who has lived through excruciating torment.  But the woman she has become?  She is an Amazon; a warrior of her own heart.

I am very moved by Jacqueline’s words.  I already have my favorites and it’s amazing how Jacqueline reaches in and I feel the warmth.  The last 20 poems are exquisite and delightful.

I give this book a high recommendation, for yourself, for a friend… maybe for an Amazon you know.

Thank you, Jacqueline.  You are amazing.

To Purchase ‘Unbridled.’

Product Details

Amazon

Kindle

 

Some Edible Mushroom…

Red_poisonous_mushroom_in_the_hand

The cool early morning breeze seemed soothing and refreshing, but Jen did not think so.

She was chilled to the bones. The night had been very cold with rain drizzles.

Her lightweight jacket and rucksack were barely enough barrier against the chill,

and the park bench was not made for a good night’s sleep.

She knew she could not linger for too long,

constant fear of being accosted by the groundskeeper,

kept her as uncomfortable as a colicky cat,

but she had no energy left to undertake yet another long trek,

to a county soup kitchen.

She had chosen this quieter place, to keep out of the way of the officers,

who diligently monitored the obvious public ones, and were quick to shoo you along.

She stared blankly into the lush green fields,

the early morning tweets of birds, reminded her of home,

of the birds that had built a nest in the old oak in the front-yard.

Her heady dreams of finding that pot of gold,

at the end of the ever elusive rainbow,

had tugged and pulled at her,

until she left her small hometown, to the city of fortune.

She could remember ma’s tears as she stubbornly sought her way.

Her cupboard had quickly run bare, her rent a history to be told,

items of value pawned at such an accelerated rate.

Still pride would not let go, nor a cry for help uttered home.

The intercessions were getting busier by the day,

With people clutching individually inscribed cardboard’s.

Eyes silently pleading, in hope of a hand out.

She had grown tired of the pitiful stares,

Of the leers with suggestive looks on their faces,

Of the eyes reluctant to make contact,

Of the eyes that looked as if they had seen vermin or vomit.

She resolved to find a way to go home to ma,

At least a warm bed and food she would find.

Hunger pangs were gnawing her insides,

Last nights sandwich had barely been enough.

The sprouted dewy mushrooms glistened in the morning light,

Their toadstool shapes looked so pretty, clean, soft and edible.

Grandma gave us some of those, when I was a little girl she recalled,

but grandma forgot to educate the little girl,

that most times, those attractive ones, would surely pack a wicked punch.

She gorged from desperation, and drank from the water fountain,

Several hours later, she slept and was no more.

P.S. Remember to show compassion to the less privileged around you. You might very well be saving a life. 🙂 Thank you.

Jacqueline Oby-Ikocha