Several of my traditional home food evokes a whole lot of memories especially as I have been living outside my home county for decades now and unfortunately, our condiments are quite exorbitant here, thus, I don’t get to eat them as much as I would love to and sometimes the smell of anything similar to a traditional dish makes me feel nostalgic.
When I catch the whiff of fried plantain which we call ‘dodo’ I am reminded of my mothers warm kitchen, of nicking a slice or two of sweet plantain, of laughter and my mom’s reminders not to let the plantain burn and not to finish eating them whilst cooking.
The smell of party jollof rice simply brings joy. It is a staple in every Nigerian home and is synonymous with our celebrations both back home and in the diaspora. Wedding ceremonies, birthdays, child dedication, Sunday lunch, graduation even funerals et al.
A lot of quality family time means food shared, bonding, good music, camaraderie and love shared. I believe that I have somehow managed to transfer the love for jollof to my children especially my boys. They love eating spicy, delicious servings of Naija jollof and believe me, a good plate of flavourful jollof rice accompanied with essential condiments can make you hum with joy. It gives me a sense of home, warmth, culture and heritage that can’t be quantified.
One fear that I battled with for a long time and can finally look back and say, I came, I saw and I conquered’ was the fear of being my true, authentic self. As a young black African woman, I was raised in a predominantly patriarchal society and have had to fight hard to get where I am today and still fighting. Sadly, experience and living in other parts of the world has shown me that this situation persists from place to place albeit in different forms. These situations used to bother me a lot.
As a young black girl, I was so concerned with not creating any ripples, making waves and rocking any boat, that I waited far too long to start speaking up for myself. I endured bullying and physical assault, that I thought that if I suffered in silence that it would stop and if I worked twice as hard to succeed in all that I do, that one day all of my hard work would magically pay off and my success would announce itself. I found out soon enough that I couldn’t suffer through such situations and had to learn to fight back any way I could.
Now living and working in the UAE, I have fought hard with prejudice, fought with not making myself small to make others feel comfortable and unthreatened by my presence as a vocal, audacious, confident and proud black woman. I have had to deal with various ranges of microaggressions and a lot of times pulled far more than my weight in order to prove my value. It hasn’t been a smooth journey learning never to think less of myself because of my skin colour and how others may perceive me and to stand tall in the face of such adversities – especially when everyday reality tries to assert the opposite.
I have learnt how to overcome these obstacles, how not to lower my standards and pride myself on how my experiences have helped me to become a connector of people, places, positivity and possibilities.
These days, I prioritize myself outside of work and above most things. Over the years, I’ve learned that at the end of the day, places might change, teams will change, projects and jobs will end but my mind and my body are the only constants that I have and that taking care of every part of all that concerns me is critical to getting through the storms of life. I had to learn to reset my relationship with self-care and wellbeing and I no longer allow work, or anyone dictate my mental, emotional and physical wellbeing. This shift in paradigm has given me the energy to take control of my situation where and when I can and not to be fixated with how others see me. I no longer look for permission to be me nor do I seek other people’s validation to be authentically true to myself.
Awaken the Lioness within #fyp#motivate#daughterofgod#lioness#foryoupage#following#blackwoman#lionofjudah Daughter of Zion, God did not save you to tame you and make you timid! You are made you to be fierce, a stunning expression of beauty and strength. You may may play safe and find comfort in the confines of the sidelines, but you know that God has so much more for you. The darkness around you should fear the light within you. When you wake up, the enemy should be on high alert. Why? It’s simple, really. You, daughter, are a lioness, and you were created to roar.
I love traveling. It is one of my hearts desire to visit to as many places as possible at leisure and enjoy the splendour that our dear planet has to offer before one gets too old to do so. I have been opportune to travel to many countries and for sure the experience has taught me a lot about people, culture and diversity that I may otherwise never have had the opportunity to learn if I hadn’t been to and stayed in these places.
Having had to travel by different means, air, road, train, I love road trips because I feel in control of the pace, stopping where and when we want to grab a bite, take a photo and take in the scenery. I love going by train as well as this also gives me some sense of satisfaction especially a long distance journey where I get to people watch and observe a microcosm of humans traveling together. Lest, I forget, there’s this romantic flavour and feeling of relaxation about train travel. One of such train journey’s that’s etched in my memory is my trip from London to Paris, Geneva, Luxembourg and Amsterdam. It was a trip of a lifetime and one that I would love to do once again but probably add other routes this time around.
For me, traveling by air is for expediency sake and is only taken as an option when the other options won’t work. The hassles at the airport, sitting in a flying object for hours on end and looking at nothing but clouds and inhaling other people’s fart is not so much fun. You are literally squashed into a germ-ridden cylinder for hours on end, in an uncomfortable seat with hardly any legroom or the possibility of reclining to create more comfort. If you are lucky, you end up saddled with a bunch of grumpy, smelly strangers, whiny kids and all sorts of humans who are enduring the same hardships as you are. The food is basically nonexistent the entertainment options are limited. You have no choice but to put up with all manner of inconveniences, discomforts, and indignities to say the least.
The peak moments for me are the take off and landing when I get to have a bird’s eye view of the landscape and city that I am going to.
My prayer is that in the nearest future, I will have positioned myself in a vantage point where I will get to go to the places that are on my bucket list without worrying about funding, work et al. Something to look forward to…
Money, money money…I ain’t gonna lie, if per chance I find myself blessed with a billion dollars, I would hibernate for a little while to take it all in, to pray for direction and wisdom on how best to utilize the money. There won’t be any rushed spending.
My first step would be to engage experienced financial advisers and create channels for multiple streams of income such as investing in real estate, diversified portfolios (stocks and bonds) and trading investment streams. I would buy into a renowned food franchise (because people will always eat) and any other worthwhile franchise that will employ people while generating a steady flow of income. I would love to set up an institute where people can acquire skills that are not only transferable but would help to give them a good start in life. Money can gain wings and fly away, so I will try my very best not to go overboard and splurge on foolish things that have no return value. I don’t want to wake up suddenly and find myself down and out of funds.
Other key interests would be to sort out those essential needs like shelter. Paying off my home will be a priority on my needs list, so that I no longer need to fret about mortgage and the likes. For sure, knowing what putting children through school means, I will set up a trust fund for my children’s education to whatever level they choose to aim for, set up a better life insurance than the one I have at present, set up an endowment fund which will be primarily to support vulnerable folks and those in need and to empower women in the rural areas.
Most certainly, I will have a thanksgiving and sow seeds into worthy charity organizations. I will bless family members with some funds to help them take care of necessary exigencies. After taking care of all these aspects, then I will sit back and exhale a bit.
Be proud. Appreciate Yourself #fyp#proud#appreciateyou#goals#selflove#foryou#deepthoughts There are times when you feel that sense of insecurity, doubting yourself and wondering if you measure up. Take a pause and remind yourself of how far you’ve come in life. Remind yourself of battles fought and won. Remind yourself of your accomplishments big and small. This reflection will help you to realize that you’ve climbed mountains and that not only are you an overcomer, you will equally overcome more.
Without thinking twice, doing the laundry is not a chore that I am fond of. Thankfully, washing machines are in existence and we can cut ourselves some slack.
I remember my growing up years back home, we washed tons of clothes by hand and it was not a task to sneeze at. Every Saturday morning, would find me seated on a stool in the backyard of my parents big compound, with a big basin filled with soapy water and bales of clothing in the cloth basket waiting for my fond attention. As I didn’t know better then, it was absolutely fine and helped in domesticating me and my siblings – except my brothers who always tried to escape washing their clothes and would rather go through their entire wardrobe till there’s no clean stitch left to wear.
Now that I recall, I think my mother wasn’t fond of washing either and as soon as she could lay her hands on a top-loading washing machine that had been imported by a friend of the family, she quickly committed her finances into acquiring one. We were elated! We felt like the bourgeoisie and that we had climbed a rung on the social ladder. Not only did we have a landline telephone, we now had a washing machine to boot! I was the envy of my friends for a long time to come.
Fast-forward to my adult years, one of the household gadgets that I promised to buy myself was a washer-dryer as I didn’t want to spend valuable time washing tons of clothing items. My husband is still has an old-fashioned approach towards washing especially his inner whites as he believes that the machine does not do justice to the job. I made it understood that from the get-go when we got hitched 23 years ago, that ‘moi’ cannot be doing that handwashing.
He wasn’t particularly enthused at my obstinacy, but I stuck to my guns, fed him good meals, kept him happy in bed, gave him beautiful children, supported him in many other ways, kept our home warm and welcoming. I wasn’t about to start something that I knew I wouldn’t be able to sustain doing and I refuse to do things that I will only do reluctantly and grumble about. We came to an understanding pretty quickly and living happily ever after, thanks to the laundry machine.
I am aware that most would define success based on the amount of material wealth someone has and will consider those who are struggling with poverty as unsuccessful especially in today’s society, but I dare to disagree with this one-dimensional point of view.
Success is quite subjective depending on who is defining it or experiencing it and my thoughts about success might differ a bit from what others and society may consider as success. Success for me is checking off my to-do list at the end of the day and realizing that I accomplished all my outlined tasks. It gives me a great sense of pleasure and morale boost when I stay consistent in working towards achieving my goals and those daily tasks eventually culminate to achieving my bigger goals.
Success comes in many shapes and sizes, small or large. For instance, I deem it success when parents raise children who become responsible, empathetic and productive members of the larger society. Encouraging someone who is probably struggling to get through a rough day, getting out of bed and getting things done when my state of mind is only asking me to stay under the duvet and do nothing, a toddler taking those first steps without falling down at every attempt, getting a promotion at work, reaching your set financial goal for the month, a middle school kid being able to finally understand a mathematical concept, a homeless person finally being able to have a place to call their own, and so forth.
People are living their success each day in their own way and it is truly important that at each point in time, we set parameters of success that agrees with us and our circumstances. To each his own. May you find your success small and large.
Can one’s children be considered as memorable gifts from God as I always feel so delighted to have mine in my life – except when they are driving me up the wall 😉 I recall the birth of each one with clarity and I also remember the fullness of heart each time I received each bundle of joy.
As most parents, I cherish my kiddos to bits and as I watch them grow and mature into independent young adults, I feel an enormous sense of pride and gratitude. They are my world and my life will not be the same without them. I can’t even begin to picture life without them.
Now in reflection, I realize how we tend to take the beautiful gifts that we have received for granted most especially when they have become part and parcel of our lives. How much we value them often gets lost in the doldrums of running after the daily needs of life. This serves as a reminder to ALWAYS stay grateful and mindful.
Another gift that comes so readily to mind is my engagement ring and the spectacular way that it was presented to me by my husband in front of family and friends. I knew that he wanted to propose based on all the indications from him and thought he would do so privately as my husband is reserved by nature and not as gregarious as I. It was quite a surprise when he proposed in front of a gathering of family and friends and their words of prayers, approval and encouragement made it all the more momentous.
I write because I do not know how not to. As far back as I can recall, I owned diaries and in them I would scribble my deepest thoughts. It was primarily a way of finding release, venting and setting free those expressions that ran around in my head. It slowly became a way to have my voice heard. It gave my thoughts a medium and ever since I started blogging and writing on other social media platforms I never stopped. Writing is my super power. It energizes, rejuvenates, helps me to refine my thoughts, gives me a sense of visibility and permanence.
The feeling and pleasure that I derive from writing is indescribable. To say the least, it is cathartic. I have been through extreme crisis situations that voicing my thoughts through writing has been a healing process. It helps bring more clarity to my thoughts, ideas and perceptions and I hope that it also gives the reader a better understanding of the messages that I share. One day, I hope to own an old traditional typewriter and will type beautiful letters and send to the people I love.
For me, writing is life and asides for all the other obvious reasons why writing is important, I believe that writing has been my sense of relief, a healing tool, a friend, a passion and purpose.
Joy. A simple word, yet it carries a whole lot of weight in it for far too many people are constantly in search of joy and many fail to find it as often as they should. I think the fault lies in having great expectations and waiting for things that are exceptionally good before they can have some iota of pleasure.
Connecting with my spiritual side and aiming to grow more spiritually aware, diligently practicing gratitude, choosing to have an optimistic and positive mindset, staying as fully present and living in the moment are conscious steps that I take daily and these have helped me to continually create more positive emotions for myself.
For me, the simple every day things of life bring joy to me and helps enhance my sense of wellbeing. When the work day is over, the thought of going home to my place of comfort consistently brings me pleasure. It’s not that I don’t like going to work, but knowing that I get to return home to my place of refuge where I can choose to lounge in my pajama’s, relax, exhale, be with my family etc. makes those hours spent pursuing the daily bread worth the effort.
My children are a constant source of joy for me. Listening to them share their dreams and work towards them, watching them grow into independent young adults and experiencing their wins in life brings me an immense source of wellbeing and accomplishment.
At the start of each day, I make my to-do list and set little goals that ultimately contribute to achieving my bigger goals definitely makes one feel good. There are many days that I am unable to do all the things that I set out to do, but I have also learnt not to guilt trip myself, to be thankful for the things that I was able to do and not to dwell inordinately on the things that I failed to do.
As adults, we get bogged down with so much in form of rules, responsibilities and life that we often forget how to feel that unadulterated sense of bliss. I truly believe that living mindfully helps us to create, recreate and really experience that sense of happiness and bliss that we deserve.
How to manage stressful mornings #fyp#deepthoughts#advice#decisionmaking#selfcontrol#emotionalintelligence#stress#Howto Our daily lives can start off on a stressful not and may even take unexpected turns that will make or mar an ordinarily simple day. In such situations, what matters most is not about what is happening to us, but how we respond to our experiences. How we exert self control knowing that wrong decisions taken under duress can be defining.
Well, today’s prompt took me a few minutes or so to give my memory a jig and I must say that as I meandered through lanes of memories of yester-years, searching the nooks and crannies to see if I can pinpoint my earliest memory tucked away neatly in the recesses of my mind, waiting to be discovered as it jumps out at me and says ‘hello there, here I am and good to see you,’ I find fuzzy memories melding into each other and I am not quite sure again what happened when and which one came before the other.
Images of my childhood home, of close family members old, gone and alive; of lovely frocks, of sunny days and smells of the soursop, mango and cashew fruits, of the various sounds of music playing on my dad’s Grundig turntable, of the cries of younger siblings, the laughter and soft scolding of my mother, the pounding of the mortar and pestle – preparing native foofoo – the cosy smell of my grandmother and her shea butter, the drizzle of the rain and images of running out in the rain with neighbourhood friends as our mothers yelled at us to come out of the rain all flip through my mind like a TV series. Dainty echoes of yester-years wrap itself like gossamer across my mind and like the spiders cobweb, they all interconnect.
I do have some recollection of early days of kindergarten and some of the nursery rhymes learnt have stuck with me all these decades. One particular memory of having being left perched on a fence where I sat and cried so badly sticks out like a sore thumb. The boy, who happened to be so much older and bigger refused to put me down and I was unable to come down by myself. I think I refused to go back to the nursery after that incident and my mother was rightly concerned. I can’t remember how she resolved the issue and I don’t know why I have held onto this memory and why it didn’t get lost in the annals of my life.
I wish I could say that I have extra – ordinary – recollection and clarity of my toddler years in sequence, but I daresay that I truly don’t recall as much as I would have loved. Maybe, if I had an encounter with a hypnotist, who knows what one will discover under the intense state of concentration. I am not so sure that I really care to know as I doubt if delving so deeply into the past at this point in time in my life is truly worth the price. After all, the past is simply a memory trace of time lived and as whimsical or as eager as we may feel, we can’t go back there as we are living in this present moment.
I do understand that the exercise of reliving one’s memory can be essential as they not only teach us important life lessons that we can apply in our present and possibly the future, they also give us a sense of continuity, identity and purpose. Indeed, our memories shape us and make us who we are.
a cooking pot and twisted tales 