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Harmony can hardly be arrived at when we have constant internal turmoils stemming from grudges borne over something.
A whole lot of times grudges stem from expectations placed on someone and when it’s not met, we become resentful and store that in a corner of our minds and hearts. Even when we say that we’ve forgiven the person, we keep a long list of records of all the shortfalls.
If we minimized our expectations from others to almost nothing, that way we leave room for pleasant surprises and also save ourselves that feeling of being let down.
An instance is our personal relationships. A lot of relationships fail because we go into it with a long list of dos, don’ts and infernal expectations.
They are not GOD, but fallible humans!
This virtually applies to everything that we do. For instance you might have a nasty boss. Zero your mind down to the fact that he/she has issues that they are dealing with and they possibly don’t know how to be different.
Once your mind has accepted their contrary prickly nature, you go about your business as effectively as you can without letting the acid of annoyance and grudge build up inside you. Getting into differences with such people will only hurt you more, because the likelihood is that they may not understand, don’t care or are insensitive to your feelings.
Remember that you cannot change other people, but you can change yourself. Who knows, your balanced sense of self and disposition might actually serve as a source of inspiration for such people.
© Jacqueline Oby-Ikocha
a cooking pot and twisted tales 
When you change yourself the world changes.
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I have VERY high expectations of myself and others. I try very hard to hone this in but at times it can be slightly tricky. I love your share about the nasty boss and zero down… this advice I am going to try next week. 🙂
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Matthew 7:2, he said, “Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, “Let me tale the speck out of your eye, when there is a log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.”
So, only we can remove the log in our own eye, then see clearly to help with the specks.
The eye is the lamp of the body. So if your eye is sound, your whole body will be full of light. But if your eye is not sound, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light in you is darkness, how great is the darkness? (Matthew 6:22).
Hence, as we say, according to Aristotle, ethical virtue depends upon intellectual virtue, and this upon the seeing of the eye of the soul, called nous or “intellect.”
From the Gospel of Thomas, “Jesus said, ‘Guard your brother like the pupil of your eye.”
Happy Holy Saturday, Jacqui!
This is hilarious, I can barley see to read the scripture for my caffeine twitched up left eye and burned out reading range! Have those who care and read come read my latest exchange with Mr. McCarthy!
Now we read the sections about the first Sunday!
MM
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As far as supervisors go I pick my battles. If you say something sexist, racist or rude I will speak up. Being a supervisor or a boss does not give them the right to make immoral or illegal comments. I’m not afraid to speak my mind. Bosses Do Not have the right to bully their employees. That includes making sexual comments to women co-workers.
I’m a lot older than most of the younger recently promoted supervisors. Some things I’ve just learned to ignore or report to the Union Rep/Shop Steward if the behavior is totally out of line. As for those young Does/Bucks who like to flex their authority muscles I put things in perspective. I’m very close to 60 so soon in fact about 2 or 3 years I will retire. They on the other hand will be stuck in the institutional Mad House for another 20 to 30 years!! Big Difference therefore I have the last laugh!!
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Being a supervisor or a boss means they should even be in a position to be accountable for misbehaviour. The truth is that when people know your stance and that you can speak up for yourself, they keep their distance and bad manners to themselves.
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Inspiring and so very true. But sometimes these words are not so easy to do. I struggle with forgiving. 😦
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I think we all do. That’s why I find it so amazing that whilst Jesus hung on the cross He asked Father God to ‘forgive them…’. As the saying goes – to err is human, to forgive is divine! Happy Easter.
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I have been able to forgive outsiders but as for certain family members well it will probably never happen. As one of my girlfriends says, Forgiveness is a two way street. They have to apologize and make restitution. Or in my family’s case it must be a public apology since they poisoned not only my reputation but that of my mother and brother. My brother Stephen has Autism and because of his disability he was labeled as a pariah and an outcast. My mother has been dead nearly 20 years but still family says she did something to make Stephen “that way.” Finally in 2012 I stopped being nice, helpful, and trying to make peace. No more extending myself and getting hurt. It finally dawned on me that I was being manipulated. I separated myself from them and never looked back. Nor do I feel shame or guilt. Glad to be free.
Trust must be Earned not given.
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I am sorry to hear about your mother and brother. And I understand about the difficulty of forgiving family members/those who betray you. As someone who has had her reputation trashed again and again I can understand the pain and anger with people who deliberately inflict hurt and disrespect. These are issues that only God can heal and only he can work within our hearts until we come to the place where we desire his will to be done in our lives above what we believe are our personal rights.
Ernest Hemingway spoke about life breaking us all… but many are made strong at the broken places.
I agree with you – trust has to be earned. However, trust and forgiveness are separate things.
Thank you for taking the time to share your heart. 😃
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I totally agree with your thoughts Ladycee. I have arrived at a point where I feel that those who run me down are simply advertising me indirectly. There must be something that I have that intimidates them. It’s only by the Grace of God that we arrive at a place of peace in our hearts.
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I like that thought Jacqueline – they are advertising us indirectly! We should really charge them!😁
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True 😉
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Ah, somehow I missed this important comment. I don’t suffer fools either by pretending it’s okay when it’s not. I tell the person my stand and I move on. It’s better the way you separated yourself from them. Anyone who does not wish me well is really not worth wasting too much energy on just to reap angst and lack of peace. What kind of ugly thinking is that to treat someone like an outcast just because they are disabled?
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Forgiving is not an easy feat Jill, but we must consciously try to. Thank you.
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You know … sometimes I hear people say they forgive the murderer who killed their spouse or child, and I have to wonder … how? Sure, eventually I forgive the person who didn’t pay me back money they borrowed, but it seems that there are some things for which we cannot truly forgive. Thoughts?
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I think that they arrive at a certain stage of acceptance. Surely they will not forget, but acceptance means that the vile bile and thoughts associated with the murderer has whittled down. In some cases they even feel sorry for the perpetrators.
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Maybe so. I haven’t experienced this and hope I never do, but I just cannot fathom it. I suppose, if for no other reason than self-preservation, we must find our way to acceptance. Thanks for your input … you are a smart lady.
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Thanks for your reminder Jacqueline. As the lady above says it can be difficult to forgive or not hold a record of people’s wrongs against you, particularly I think if you are super-sensitive. Having said that it is a matter of obedience and of schooling our will.
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