You Need No Brains, My Beauty…

December 14, 2015December 14, 2015 jacquelineobyikocha18 Comments

You mustn’t worry your pretty head, my dear

Nor bother wearing out your little brain

With any intelligent reasoning

For you are a woman, my darling.

Women need no analytical thinking,

All you really need are your boobs and your rear ending.

For women don’t need to be intelligent,

All they need do is to look pretty.

A good cake of powder,

A tube of siren red lipstick,

A dash of pale blush,

A stroke of extra lashes,

A nice tush hugging little dress

And a pair of killer heels.

That should do the trick,

For your intelligence,

Is highly over-rated my dear.

Writing 101, Day 6, Fallacy

From the illogical to the nonsensical, Day 6 invites you to explore Fallacy,

Courtesy of the devious @jdoublep.

Creative Writing · Humor - Bellyful of laughter · Poetry/Poems · Writing 101

MEN-O-PAUSE!…

December 14, 2015 jacquelineobyikocha15 Comments

It’s only men that have menopause

Which is why they always pause

They never seem to know for sure

Which always makes them immature.

Writing 101, Day 6, Fallacy

From the illogical to the nonsensical, Day 6 invites you to explore Fallacy,

Courtesy of the devious @jdoublep.

Creative Writing · Humor - Bellyful of laughter · Poetry/Poems · Writing 101

Two Birds And A President…

December 14, 2015 jacquelineobyikocha3 Comments

I have a bird in hand
It’s worth more than two birds in the bush
You have a bird in hand
It’s worth more than several birds in the bush
We have a bird in hand
It’s got to worth more than that President in the bush.

Writing 101, Day 6, Fallacy

From the illogical to the nonsensical, Day 6 invites you to explore Fallacy,

Courtesy of the devious @jdoublep.

Creative Writing · Humor - Bellyful of laughter · Poetry/Poems · Writing 101

The Lazy Crow…

December 14, 2015 jacquelineobyikocha8 Comments

The Sun only rises

When Cocky the rooster crows.

So, we must blame it on that Lazy Rooster

Who was feeling like such a hipster

And failed in his morning’s duty roster,

He neither cockled earlier nor harder,

And the Sun overslept, failing to rise faster,

Which made us lazy and we woke up a little later.

Writing 101, Day 6, Fallacy

From the illogical to the nonsensical, Day 6 invites you to explore Fallacy,

Courtesy of the devious @jdoublep.

A link to my neighbours/Community · Creative Writing · Humor - Bellyful of laughter · Love · Short Stories · Short Stories Series

He’s Hung Over….Husband Wanted Urgently!

December 13, 2015December 13, 2015 jacquelineobyikocha26 Comments

It’s been a couple of weeks since Tess bothered to connect with anyone online.

A number of pings had come in, but she was tired of trying to imagine who the real person was; behind the eyes and their best profiles showing off their best angles.

After her last dates debacle, she was a bit down in dating spirit and also leery about jumping back into the fray.

She had no idea what kind of fish she might catch again. Would it be a friendly snapper, a piranha, a barracuda, an octopus or an outright snarky shark. Her man fishing luck hadn’t yet yielded much dividend.

Mark looked like a decent sort according to the online matching criteria and their brief chats whetted her appetite to meet him.

”Okay! This is one more taking a chance. Third time lucky or simply not.”

No dressing to the nines for this particular date. A nice pair of slacks paired with soft flowery cashmere blouse and comfortable pumps, she was good to go.

They had agreed to meet at Mid-Point, a pub favoured by the young and smart.

She waited for twenty minutes in her little car, admired her shiny new nail polish and when she felt certain that he would have arrived, she strolled into the crowded pub.

It’s Friday evening and the happy hour crowd were gathered in little cliques.

She paused for a bit as her eyes did a quick scan of the room to identify the face that had stared back at her over the past few days.

He had proposed skyping but she still didn’t get the hang of it and for some reason the idea didn’t quite gel with her.

”Hello Tess?” A hesitant voice that belonged to a pleasant faced looking chap asked as he stepped up to her.

With her acknowledgement, they got seated in a nice spot which offered vantage view of the pubs goings-on.

”He looks okay.” Her little sensible voice argued with her cheekier goddess voice that thought Mark had no ‘oomph’ about him.

”Well, those ones who have loads of oomph always seem to have baggage of trouble as well, remember Tim?” Sensible voice reminded inner goddess.

Soon enough they had their orders placed and got down to having a chat.

”Hmm! This is really delicious. Thank you for telling me to choose this.” Taking a long sip of the Chipotle grapefruit margarita, Tess expressed her delight with the drink.

”It’s really good right? That’s Shawna’s favorite drink too.” Realizing his gaffe, he quickly tried to cover it up, but, it did not take a long time for Tess to realize that Mark was still totally hung up on his ex-girlfriend.

Every tail of their discussion found a way of swinging back to his past relationship, to his sadness, bitterness and disappointment.

It came as no surprise to learn that Mid-point was Mark and Shawna’s fave pub. He probably kept coming back in hope of catching a glimpse of his ex.

It was embarrassing for Tess to watch as his eyes involuntarily kept drifting around in expectation.

From all indications, he was simply on a rebound and if Shawn changed her mind and came back to him, any unlucky new lady involved with Mark would be dropped like hot potato.

He was a nice chap, from all indications, but he just wasn’t the one for her.

Her heart went out to the nice young man seated before her. She knew what it felt like to love someone who just didn’t love you back.

She had been in such a relationship in the past and had no intentions of investing her emotions anymore in a one-sided affair. She felt sorry for Mark but not sorry enough to be a second fiddle.

Her man was somewhere out there waiting to find her, but she wasn’t sure it was going to be online.

Her nerves couldn’t take all the dating anxiety and gambles like Kate had. There has to be a better way but she is yet to find it.

To be continued…Part 1,Part 2, Part 3, Part 4

Like you already know, I love digging in the neighbours yard. One never knows the treasures that may be found within. I present to you this bits that I found:

Tasha has a way of putting a smile on this face of mine with her post blogging buddies.

I think that I am inclined to agree with GP on this issue. Why not take a peek and see what you think?

Just in case you are wondering why it’s snowing on some peoples lot and not on others, my girl Claremary hooked me up. Pretty simple too!

A worthwhile life lesson for children from Two Cents For You.

We will be doing a lot of gift wrapping this season and this insight from snapshotsincursive might be useful.

Staying on top of reading blogs is a problem that we all share. I am glad to know Eric thinks the same too 🙂

This brief quote shared by Amra is self-explanatory.

I think I like Rollingblogger’s thought process. What do you think?

If this doesn’t make you smile, I wonder what else will? Elemental healing.

and From my very own home girl and sister blogger OBA enjoy her lovely Christmas release. Just follow the YouTube link below.

My kind regards to you all and have a good week ahead 🙂

Humor - Bellyful of laughter · Photographs · The Daily Post

Wonky!…

December 13, 2015 jacquelineobyikocha7 Comments

This is not what it was meant to look like.

It’s a steady steam of Christmas lighting, but just as I set my fingers to snap, my young son jostled me from the back and it went wonky…

The Daily Post Photo Challenge oops!

Creative Writing · Humor - Bellyful of laughter · Musings · Poetry/Poems · Writing · Writing 101

Pillow Talks…Pillow Fights…

December 9, 2015 jacquelineobyikocha33 Comments

PILLOW TALK…

My eyelashes fall in love with each other,
Irresistible romance, the lids draw together,
Until in gentle kiss they link…
…And fall asleep within a blink.

In a soft cocoon of pleasant dreams,
Where pillow hugs like a gentle stream,
And bed of sweet affection, I felt,
My body regains its needed health.

…PILLOW FIGHT

A pat, A plump, A punch of pillow!
Where is my sleep; my eyes feel hollow!
The brain is drained, its down to zero;
Yet thoughts flit past just like a sparrow.

Alas! Sleep is won with quite a fight!
The bones so weary, they do so sigh;
The brain is fuzzy and the face a fright;
A battle of might, O what a night!

© Jacqueline Oby-Ikocha

Writing 101, Day 3 – SLEEP

Creative Writing · Humor - Bellyful of laughter · Love · Poetry/Poems · The Daily Post

The Sweet Nothings… :)

December 8, 2015December 8, 2015 jacquelineobyikocha30 Comments

There lives a fair maiden
She has a sweet tooth
Carts full of sweet laden
She puts in her booth

Her eyes fill with twinkles
Her cheeks show their dimples
At thoughts of sweet sprinkles
She laughs with merry tinkles

A lick and a nibble, she sighs, Oh my,
This bite feels so right
It gives so much delight
Oh how I enjoy this, though it sits on my thighs.

Enjoy The Archies: You are my candy girl. My dad played this so much when I was just an itty-bitty little girl.

The Daily Post Prompt Pour some sugar on me.

What is your favorite sweet thing to eat? Bread pudding? Chocolate chip oatmeal cookies? A smooth and creamy piece of cheesecake? Tell us all about the anticipation and delight of eating your favorite dessert. Not into sweets? Tell us all about your weakness for that certain salty snack.

Family · Humor - Bellyful of laughter · Life · Personal story · The Daily Post

Twiddle Dee…Truant Me…personal

December 6, 2015December 6, 2015 jacquelineobyikocha24 Comments

Mum, now that I have grown old enough to know better, I am sorry for wasting your funds in the past; this apology was long overdue. Thank you WordPress for reminding me.

You painstakingly paid for several sessions of holiday piano classes with my primary school music teacher, but it seemed like a waste of precious childhood vacation time in my eyes, not when some of my playmates were busy playing hopscotch next door.

So, I hopscotched away my time and never got past clumsily tapping little ditties and the ‘do re mi fa so la ti do’ of piano things.

In simpler terms, I played truant with my piano lessons and I received a thorough telling off, a note-worthy smack and cancelled piano lessons since it appeared that I had no appreciation for the fineness of music.

Who knows, maybe if I had stuck to it, I might have struck the right chord and become a musical child prodigy.

Please don’t dare chuckle when I say that I am now expending my own money trying to play catch up with the piano lessons that I should have learnt back then 😃

However, I am not totally a lost cause, I did learn how to play the flute quite well and it’s not such a bad thing, just that it leaves me breathless.

The Daily Post prompt Strike a chord.

Do you play an instrument? Is there a musical instrument whose sound you find particularly pleasing? Tell us a story about your experience or relationship with an instrument of your choice.

A link to my neighbours/Community · Creative Writing · Fiction · Humor - Bellyful of laughter · Love · Short Stories Series

Dating Debacle…Bridegroom Wanted Urgently!

December 6, 2015 jacquelineobyikocha31 Comments

Tess tried not to feel upset and anxious.

45 minutes…

She has been waiting for 45 minutes and the small sips of her drink had dwindled to the last remaining drop.

”After this drink, I am just going to leave,” she muttered.

”It’s not as if I needed this drink that badly, but I couldn’t very well sit and twiddle my thumbs while waiting for a dude who obviously has no plans of turning up.”

The Goose and Berry was not really her kind of place.

It’s a testosterone filled pub where men stared unabashedly at her, which made her throat tighten in discomfort.

”My mistake not to have taken Kate’s advise to heart.” She chided herself.

As the queen of online dates Kate has quite some experience under her belt.

”Always breeze in 10-15 minutes after the agreed time and if the dude is not seated and waiting, walk out quietly.” ”Never set off on the footing of sitting around and waiting for the guy to turn up.” A very bad trend! Kate advised.

Just as she signaled the waiter for her bill with her lovely manicured fingers, her late date came breezing in and as he ambled over, her internally wired male data appreciation did a quick scan.

He’s not bad looking.

”Tall” – Check

”Attractive” – Check very attractive.

Nicely turned out in his fitted deep blue jeans and light blue checkered shirt with rolled sleeves, which showed off appropriately muscled and brawny arms.

Not bad by half an inch, her inner goddess muttered but he obviously sucked at time keeping.

With a wry smile of apology he drawled an excuse of a meeting running late and battery running low.

He is easy on the eye like Sunday morning and she was willing to take his excuse.

”Who knows? We might hit it off.” She thought.

She felt the stirrings of attraction – on her side at least, and as she ran her appreciative eyes once again from his face downwards, her zoom lens zeroed in on a well placed hickey by his left ear.

She blinked and stared. Yes indeed, its a hickey and even a faint trace of lipstick and powder on his collar.

Maybe it’s an enthusiastic colleague, she excused the hickey.

”My apologies once again,” Tim said. ”So what would you like to eat, have you had something?”

”Hmm!” She thought ”Ah! A guy who likes to take charge of things.”

They ordered and got comfortable in getting better acquainted beyond the online basics and everything seemed to rhyme well, but Tess’s eyes couldn’t stay away from straying to the hickey and powdered collar now and again.

He had her laughing in no time, sending the right vibes up and down her spine.

”He’s worth several more dates.” Her inner goddess sighed in agreement.

”Good sense of humour” – check.

”Seems confident in himself” – check.

She tried to rein in her runaway thoughts, but he stood up suddenly and before she could say Linda, a buxom fireball of a lady descended on them, fireballs stance all taut and poised for a showdown.

”Tim, what a surprise.” Uttered fireball in a voice that dripped with lethal anger and not too surprised.

”This must be your illustrious business partner.” Fireball gave Tess a disdainful look.

Tess was quick to deduce that fireball must be the hickey planter and lipstick owner.

”Close your mouth darling. I am sure you thought I was too stupid not to know that something didn’t add up with your sudden flux of meetings in recent times. I had to confirm my suspicions for myself.”

Tess quickly gathered her wits and her handbag and made a quick exit. She didn’t want to get caught in the flak of an angry woman’s tirade.

”What a philandering Tomcat!” She shook her head as she tried to process the entire scene.

”Why on Earth do I always manage to find the dodgy, cheating characters?” She muttered in resigned sadness.

To be continued…Part 1, Part 2, Part 3

The links to other parts are attached in case you haven’t read the previous series.

As you know, I always like to excavate other neighbours treasures and I offer some to you today 🙂

Nutstrok always has me howling in laughter.

This quote by Deb put a smile on my face.

A new cooking discovery at Chez Gharkepakwan.

Lovely pictures of beautiful libraries to visit from Noirfifre.

I am not old by Non smoking lady bug.

Best song for grammar police found in Deb’s backyard.