Tag Archive | helping hand

We All Grieve – How To Support Someone Grieving

For some reason, some people find the grieving process embarrassing and uncomfortable, thus the tendency for such people is to avoid those who show their pain, or on the other hand, to hide their pain and carry on with life as usual.


Grief, Sadness, How To Support A Bereaved Person

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At some point in time, we all suffer a loss and we grieve, but because majority of people think of grief as that single instance or short period of time of experiencing pain or sadness in response to a loss, many are literally rushed through the grieving process and encouraged to party away their sorrows so to speak.

What many fail to understand is that grieving is a highly emotional process which differs from person to person and can last a long time. No one can tell another how to grieve because you don’t bear their pain.

For anyone who’s going through loss, there are ways that help to mitigate the situation even when the pain is palpable and seems unending.

  • Give it time and always allow yourself the quietness and space you need to be alone. Have a meltdown if you need to. Tears help to rid the body of stress hormones.

 

  • Accept the way you feel, no matter how you feel and don’t judge yourself for grieving over your loss.

 

  • Write it out. Write a letter to your loved one, or journal your thought process about your loss.

 

  • Talk about it with others who have experienced loss. How do they find the strength to carry on? Don’t be ashamed to ask such questions.

 

  • Talk to your lost loved one even if your conversation feels strange and one-sided.

 

  • Look through your old photos, letters, emails or other things that you shared. Relive those wonderful times/and not so wonderful times shared.

 

  • Find a hobby that makes you happy, kick-start a healthier lifestyle.

 

  • Wear something of theirs, like a piece of jewellery, chain, watch…which could instil a sense of closeness.

 

  • Honour them with poetry if you are into writing poetry or a piece of testimonial that you are able to write infused with details of your loved one.

 

  • Take it one day at a time, celebrate life as much as you can, get out more into nature and remember to honour them by living happy and living the way that they would have wanted you to.

Support, Helping Hand, Compassion, Friendship, Love, Caring

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How to offer support to someone recently bereaved and what not to say to them.

  • Don’t avoid someone who’s been bereaved. It only hurts them further. Sending a brief note, text, email, phone call or other means of contact is a good idea.
  • Don’t ever compare the loss of someone’s loved one to the loss of a pet.
  • Don’t tell someone how they’re feeling because their grief is personal and everyone process things differently.
  • Don’t stop someone crying or telling them not to cry. Though this might be meant to be helpful, it seems as if you are shutting them down and asking the person to bottle up their emotion.
  • A reassuring, gentle touch to let them know you are there is sufficient. You are not obliged to say something immediately.
  • Remember that grief lasts long after the delivery of the sad news. Check on the person at regular intervals to know how they are doing.
  • Following the shocking news, the first few days and even weeks may be hard on the bereaved that daily tasks like cooking and eating become difficult. Sending food and offering to help with mundane admin tasks is helpful. Your friend may need extra support.
  • Soon after the death, someone needs to sign the death certificate. This usually falls on a close member of the family and it’s a tough task to do alone. If you are in a position to go with the bereaved ensure that they have all the vital information and documentation required because a death certificate cannot be altered.
  • Attend the funeral if possible. It is comforting to know that there are lots of people to see off a loved one.
  • Be mindful of saying such things like: “they have gone to a better place,”  or “they died at a good age.” There’s never a right age to lose someone you love.
  •  Don’t be afraid to share the minutiae details or funny anecdotes of your day with them. Distracting, normal everyday news of other people’s lives can be comforting.
  • Don’t let fear hold you back from helping. Be someone’s shoulder and listening ear as they walk through their grief.
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Need…Save A Friend!

Support, Together, Helping Hands

It hurts my soul
to see people in need
and I can’t help
not because I don’t want to help
but because I don’t have the means
and in such moments
I despise my lean pocket.

How can you be my brother’s keeper when you barely have enough bread to break? Yes, you can! If you’ve got a dollar, that’s a whole lot of coins!Image result for quotes about helping others

Please know that reaching out to share with others is not only when your basket of fish is overflowing, you can have one fish and still share out of it. I run into people – both online and in real time – who are in dire need of support and it leaves my heart aching when I am not able to assist as much as I would like to assist.

I know a number of great folks who have left blogging due to difficulties in sustaining themselves. To exist becomes a hardship when you know or see that no one cares, not to talk about thriving. Please don’t be in a haste to discount those whom you see in these tight corners – life happens.

Help, Help, and Help. There’s a sister amongst us in the blogging community whose constraints are quite dire right now and needs our support – I prefer not to call names for privacy sake, but she reached out to me.

If you can assist her through me, no gift is too small, please do so. Here’s my PayPal link.

On my honour, you have my word that whatever is raised through this means will be given to our friend. Thank you for your generosity.

Jacqueline

Image result for quotes about helping others

Let us not fold our hands in anticipation that others should do that which we can help to do. Together, we can.  Jacqueline

P.S. Because of how important this issue is to me, I want to give this post priority and will not be sharing another post today.

Midnight Motivations and Musings # 78

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Now and again, I read articles that people write or listen to people where they sound as if there’s nothing good about their lives.

I have been privy to desperate cries of help and despair, but what saddens me is not the desperation, what saddens me is when the despairing soul feels so hopeless that they’ve given up hope on themselves, that no amount of counsel and reasoning seems to penetrate.

No one is guaranteed a breezy life that’s not laden with struggles, for it’s out of our tests that we obtain our testimonies.

The truth is that no one can walk through individual tribulations for another. No two people have the same mantle or message, but what they can do is to hold your hand while you wade through the mess.

Sometimes, you may not even be fortunate to find someone to hold on to. You hold on to God. He’s the ultimate fortress, refuge and present help in the time of need.

© Jacqueline Oby-Ikocha


Below is my first just published Poetry Book “Out of the silent breath” which is available on Amazon and Smashwords.

When you buy my book, you support me in an invaluable manner.

Out of the silent breath

Brand me whole as only you can

That the entire score of me

Knows nothing but the fullness of you.

Some Edible Mushroom…

Red_poisonous_mushroom_in_the_hand

The cool early morning breeze seemed soothing and refreshing, but Jen did not think so.

She was chilled to the bones. The night had been very cold with rain drizzles.

Her lightweight jacket and rucksack were barely enough barrier against the chill,

and the park bench was not made for a good night’s sleep.

She knew she could not linger for too long,

constant fear of being accosted by the groundskeeper,

kept her as uncomfortable as a colicky cat,

but she had no energy left to undertake yet another long trek,

to a county soup kitchen.

She had chosen this quieter place, to keep out of the way of the officers,

who diligently monitored the obvious public ones, and were quick to shoo you along.

She stared blankly into the lush green fields,

the early morning tweets of birds, reminded her of home,

of the birds that had built a nest in the old oak in the front-yard.

Her heady dreams of finding that pot of gold,

at the end of the ever elusive rainbow,

had tugged and pulled at her,

until she left her small hometown, to the city of fortune.

She could remember ma’s tears as she stubbornly sought her way.

Her cupboard had quickly run bare, her rent a history to be told,

items of value pawned at such an accelerated rate.

Still pride would not let go, nor a cry for help uttered home.

The intercessions were getting busier by the day,

With people clutching individually inscribed cardboard’s.

Eyes silently pleading, in hope of a hand out.

She had grown tired of the pitiful stares,

Of the leers with suggestive looks on their faces,

Of the eyes reluctant to make contact,

Of the eyes that looked as if they had seen vermin or vomit.

She resolved to find a way to go home to ma,

At least a warm bed and food she would find.

Hunger pangs were gnawing her insides,

Last nights sandwich had barely been enough.

The sprouted dewy mushrooms glistened in the morning light,

Their toadstool shapes looked so pretty, clean, soft and edible.

Grandma gave us some of those, when I was a little girl she recalled,

but grandma forgot to educate the little girl,

that most times, those attractive ones, would surely pack a wicked punch.

She gorged from desperation, and drank from the water fountain,

Several hours later, she slept and was no more.

P.S. Remember to show compassion to the less privileged around you. You might very well be saving a life. 🙂 Thank you.

Jacqueline Oby-Ikocha