Tag Archive | adoption

Meet Maline Carroll – A Fascinating Blogger Friend of Mine

The blogging journey has introduced me to fascinating people from all walks of life and today, I introduce you to beautiful Maline of Lifting Taboos who also happens to be one of my partners. Please read and meet her yourself.

Brief Snippet of Me

My name is Mae and I am a Haitian adoptee. I like reading and writing clubs. I don’t like long walks on the beach. My general outlook towards life is positive with a dash of hesitation. 

Me and My Blog

I grew up with psychologically abusive adoptive parents and one of the ways for me to get out of myself was to write. I began journaling at an early age (About 7) and eventually compiled my first book from over 10 years worth of journal entries. I would describe my blog as a stream of conscious writing with really no end and odd beginnings. When I was setting up my blog I had the desire to write one blog a day but then life happened and those goals became very unrealistic. I now attempt to blog once a week on “difficult to swallow” topics and as much as I can on random happenings.
The blogging phenomenon has its ups and downs. You have a greater audience but it means more people get to know more about you. My blogging experience has been pretty positive. Many of my posts deal with adoption and their many complexities including race, gender, and sexuality. I have categorized most of my blogs so they can be found based on particular categories. I feel that some of my simplest and non-thought-out writing gets the most views. I have not quite figured out why yet. And I get comments on some of my strangest blogs which makes me laugh each time. Maybe the thought-provoking pieces keep people from commenting. Some of my top blog posts are; #notallwhitepeople  if you make your child a doormat, and 6 signs you are healing from abuse.

Keeping it Going and The Little Challenges

I do not feel I motivate myself. I feel that writing comes naturally for me. When I feel the need to write, I do it. I feel that not creating a particular writing schedule actually encourages me to write more. My motivation? No rules, no structure. Just me. 
My most challenging moment in my blogging journey is reaching the right audience. A lot of my writing sounds like it is “anti” adoption which goes against what agencies, orphanages and adoptive parents’ wishes but if you read my work carefully, it is not pro or against, it is all about education and what we can learn on this journey and how adoptive parents can do better for their adopted children who one day become adults. 

What I Got To Say To Others

I would say write about what you know. For a long time I wrote for a research company and I learned a lot about writing different genres. But my biggest success was sticking to my lived experience. People want to hear your voice if you write from just that your voice. Don’t pretend. Just be in the moment and share who you are. We only have one life, maybe this is the legacy you can leave behind. 

Spend The Day With Me

I’m a mom and a wife so a typical day spent with me is not very glamorous. I wake up at around 7 a.m. to see my young child off to school. My partner takes the dog out in the mornings (I absolutely refuse to do it, I deal with night duty). If I have to sub, I go in to work with my partner, if it is not a subbing day, I go back to sleep until about 10 a.m. At 10 a.m. I’m up and get into the shower. Grab coffee. I pet the dog and then sit at my desk to answer messages and calls. I am an adoption consultant and I have an online business so every morning that I am not at “school”, I am in my office working.
Throughout the day I consult and answer the phone. I also work on video edits, and on my Honest Adoption Talk YouTube channel, a safe place where we talk honestly about adoption. When I am not working on my YouTube channel, I’m finding time to interview someone on my podcast or just speaking some truth. At around 3:00 pm my kid gets home and I can’t do “adoption” related things because she is adopted and I don’t want to create trauma where there is not any yet. She knows I am open to talking about anything but I don’t want to do any preemptive conversations that could cause her to feel she has to feel a certain way. So Adoption conversations cease once she is home. From that time until my partner gets home, I work on my newest book. Then prepare dinner, then a movie, and then bed. 

Taking it To The Next Level

I don’t really have any “plans” for my outreach and publishing. I just write and publish my work. My main focus right now is publishing my new book The Perks of Being an Adoptee. I have self-published 7 books (two which are in Spanish also). This new piece, however, looks at adoption in a more comical light using humor, sarcasm and matter-of-fact speech. This book will be available April 1st. Currently, portions of the book can be read online. It is available for pre-order if you contact me.
Along with the book that  I am working on publishing, I spend a great deal of time answering questions in my facebook group. Adoption, Race, and Their Complexities. It’s a group I created to help adoptive parents better understand the complexities of adoption in a group setting. I offer one on one advice and assistance but the group is free.

Meet Maline On Her Channel

Honest Adoption Talk
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Featured Posts 138 – Share Your Post Links

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‘PLEASE KEEP SENDING IN THE LINKS.’ 

Today’s featured blogs posts are:

How to overcome fear when facing real danger. In today’s World, security can’t be emphasized enough. My girl Tasha always shares practical stuff. Be informed

Are you like David? This is an uplifting post to start off your day. Like chicken soup for the soul. Please read 🙂

Enticing Food Labels In these days of so much sensory overload online, in the shops, on TV etc, how much attention do we really pay to the enticing words and labels that attract our eyes’ promising us one good thing after the other especially when it comes to food. Our health is our life and there are basic things that we must be attentive to. This is an important post.

The Last Words. How many of us suffer insomnia? I guess far too many. Brenda weaves an indicting prose inspired by insomnia. Take a read 😉

I try to be perfect for my adopted daughter, while not expecting perfection. Borrowing the writers’ words quoted below, this post makes your guts wrench.

Those affected by trauma can try to make sure their kids don’t have the same trauma….by not showing our trauma.

How do we try to be perfect while also not expecting or desiring perfection? I’ve been doing it for years and it is hurting me on the inside. At night I cry.

Last night my tears were for my real mother, the woman who spent years looking for me after I was trafficked by two white people.

Do step in and show some love.

‘Do you want more eyes on your words?’

Well then, add your LINK INTO THIS LOOP.

Comments are disabled here to keep the loop tidy. Any comments or link you want to send can be added through the link in the post.

Thank you for your understanding and regards.

‘We create a cohesive community when we come together. 


out-of-the-silent-breath 2

Featured blogs # 44…Let me share your blog posts.

1456149614808[1]

‘PLEASE KEEP SENDING IN THE LINKS.’

Today’s featured blogs are:

How to be remembered from Pamela: It’s never an easy thinking to do. How we want to be remembered. I am thinking about mine. Yes, I know that it might be long, but thinking about what I want, means that I have to live up to it. What will your epitaph read? Here lies …

Dear World, bye Some posts leave you feeling so helpless and not knowing what to say and this post left me sad! I did say something though and this was my comment:

Such a sad and profound read. I hope that writing these pains out will help you find some peace within you and a bit of joy in the World. I have no idea what the enormity of your pain is, but I do know that when I was in such a dark place myself and though it wasn’t easy, I turned up my face to the light and clung. Peace be with you Maline.

Tween God and me car There are times when we just know things because our sixth sense of the Spirit tells us. It might sound incredulous to some people, but it happens every day when you open your mind and believe.

Defensive Sarn’s story ‘curse breaker’ arouses all manners of emotions in a reader. From annoyance, to wonder, to perplexed agitation, to intrigue and suspense…

‘Do you want more eyes on your words?’

Well then, add your LINK INTO THIS LOOP.

P.S. Comments are disabled here to keep the loop tidy. Any comments or link you want to send can be added through the link in the post.

Thank you for your understanding and regards.

‘We create a cohesive community when we come together.’

© Jacqueline Oby-Ikocha

Featured Posts # 35…Let me share your post links.

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‘PLEASE KEEP SENDING IN THE LINKS.’

Today’s featured blogs are:

Family, parenting and beyond Joan’s posts bring it home and keeps it real. Please pay a visit and say hello.

The meantime How do you wait? What do you do in the meantime? I suggest you read this.

Shipwrecked adoption and PTSD POETRY, bares the soul of its writer.

Train up a child I can’t even begin to describe this article from Michelle. It’s an excellent, well-articulated piece. If I could like it more than once, I will do so severally. I enjoyed it.

Letter to God There are words that make you sigh and tear up a bit and this is my comment to this post ‘It takes courage to share vulnerable parts of us and our challenges. He will surprise you. Just keep your faith. I could feel your pain in these words.

Broken Heart How do you mend a broken heart? A beautiful and simple write filled with sound advice.

Discovery When you discover a carnage from robbers, yet they didn’t make off with the loot, what would be your conclusion? Vengeance? Retribution? Well…

Please visit their blogs and say hello. A few minutes may gain you a friendly support.

‘Do you want more eyes on your words?’

Well then, add your LINK INTO THIS LOOP.

P.S. Comments are disabled here to keep the loop tidy. Any comments or link you want to send can be added through the link in the post.

Thank you for your understanding and regards.

‘We create a cohesive community when we come together.’

© Jacqueline Oby-Ikocha

The other one…

I met her!

At long last!

Now, I can satisfy my curiosity and also put my aching desire to rest.

I fidgeted as we stood in the quiet restaurant sizing each other up. She was calm.

I had chosen an exclusive restaurant, to give our brains an opportunity to assimilate each others presence,

without getting consumed in the distractions that comes from the busy-ness of a crowded place.

My stomach was filled with butterflies. I could almost feel the rushing flow of my blood in my veins.

This was a  moment that I had thought of all my conscious life.

The when? The what if? The how?

I felt that meeting her would be a glorious turning point in my stable life.

We would cry, laugh and take selfies.

We would talk non-stop to cover so much ground.

I came clutching the photo album, that I had put together.

I needed to slay my demons and I felt that she had the sword.

Finally, she would bring some rainbow and sunshine,

into the deepest parts of me that had lived for 27 years with the question; WHAT IF?

I wanted to get rid of that feeling of rejection; that feeling of inadequacy and doubt,

which had been constant shadowy companions, peeking over my shoulders.

I searched her eyes,

They were gray like mine; but they bore no warmth in their depths.

The curve of her lips which were shaped like mine; drew hard on the elegant E-cigarette which adorned her lips,

yet they could hardly shape into a smile.

Her raven black hair was devoid of any grey hairs. No strand was out of place. She was perfectly groomed.

She was still a very attractive woman; for her age.

I subconsciously smoothed down my floral Sunday best. I had dressed to impress.

Her facial features were stiff; I figured that it was due to the use of botox and not just the harshness of life.

A puff and a sip later,

Without much ado, she dove right into the matter.

I think you are grown up enough to understand, she said.

You came when I was least prepared to have a child, and the truth is that I am still not sure that I want that responsibility. I have never had motherly instincts, and at my age, I should know. I agreed to meet with you after all these years because I felt that was the least that I could do; so that you can move on.

I do not apologize for my decision to let you go. I did what I did because it was the best thing for me.

Does that make me selfish? Maybe?

But, look at you! You turned out very well. I am happy about that.

She picked up the tab, picked up her expensive looking leather pocket book and walked out of the revolving door,

without a backward glance. Only the whiff of her perfume and the trailing puff of her smoke lingered for a while.

I sat in utmost silence and bewilderment for quite a bit.

I polished off the remaining Cabernet Sauvignon as my idling brain struggled to process the entire episode.

For some reason, I did not feel a heavy crash of disappointment.

Some odd sense of burdened release seemed to be my most paramount feeling.

I felt like a captive whose shackles had been released. Free to love freely,

the woman who has nurtured me all these years, without any sense of guilt or boundaries.

I realized what my biological mother was,

a mere vehicle that providence used to bring me here.

That a good moment of feeling sexy and conception,

Did not automatically make you a good mother.

Through the figment of my imagination, that I had built over the years,

I had accorded so much what if’s and possibilities to her.

I was happy that I met her.

Happy to have the what if’s, the how and the when answered,

All in one fell swoop.

I may not have slain all my demons,

But I left my doubts and shadowy companions,

back in that exclusive restaurant.

I went home to my mother, my mum.

Jacqueline Oby-Ikocha