If the truth is to be told, it is hard to stay thankful and grateful in the face of suffering and sometimes I silently question how Job withstood his painful ordeals without grumbling. Didn’t his heart even murmur a bit?

For many months I’ve tried not to dwell on negativity, to remain thankful in everything because the truth is that the alternative to ingratitude sows bitter seeds of discord and cynicism, but in the past few weeks it’s been a struggle to stay upbeat and sometimes I feel as if I am a fraud spouting thankful words that are not deep-seated within my soul.

My rancour comes from watching a beloved young family member deteriorate healthwise – my younger sisters husband is battling an invasive brain tumour and sometimes I feel so afraid that we are fighting a losing battle. Such thoughts simply make my heart stop in fear and my prayers clog my throat. It is hard!

I remember watching my father decline from Cancer and the pain of watching his pain broke my heart many times over. Yet, through all his struggles, he remained stoic, never voicing a word of grumble and held his Faith through it all.

Sometimes, I wondered where he got such grace in the face of such adversity and I remember this quote that he shared with me,

I would rather live my life as if there is a God and die to find out there isn’t, than live as if there isn’t and to die to find out that there is – Albert Camus

This quote has stuck in my head and always comes up when I’m between the hard rocks of fear, doubt and dwindling faith. It reminds me, that during the times of tribulation, are the times to hold on tighter. Though the difficult season may seem insurmountable, thankfulness lightens the burden of one’s load and I remind myself not to let go of gratitude especially when troubled.

© Jacqueline Oby-Ikocha

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