A ball of sadness in me…Streams of Consciousness Saturday.

Linda¬†mentions ‘ball’ as today’s prompt and I think of the different balls that I am playing with right now.SoCS badge 2015

The fleeting thought of my young sons ball comes to my mind and I pray his fever will break so that he can play happily.

It’s my birthday tomorrow and I should be preparing to have a ball, but I am just not feeling it.

A few days ago, I was excited and gearing for an awesome day and I still hope to, but when you have a child a little bit down, the last thing on your mind is a ball.

However the big ball that forms in my stomach makes me feel so sad and almost reluctant to talk about it.

As much as I can, I avoid race talks because it only stirs up strong emotions.

Last night a friend sent a video of a black girl being pushed around and insulted and insulted by some guy’s – white.

I wanted to stop watching it, but I continued. By the end of that short video, I had tears in my eyes and just felt so heavy.

I can’t even begin to articulate all the thoughts that went through my head.

My question has always been, are we not all human? Why are some people like this? What’s the benefit of such ugliness and discrimination?

We claim to be different, to be enlightened, we claim not being racists, yet at every turn it stares us in the face.

These boys who pushed a young girl about and called her ugly names, learnt it from somewhere and most likely their homes.

Racism is learnt ‘cos no child is born that way.

I have no answers just a ball of sadness that sits in me and I obviously went to bed with that thought and it’s been more so on my mind after watching the fiasco of American campaign trails in Chicago.

I strive to teach my children to work hard and rise up and above expectations.

I try to teach them that before God all men are equal.

I try to teach them to embrace life with an open mind, but sometimes society makes playing this ball so hard.

© Jacqueline Oby-Ikocha