A link to my neighbours/Community · Blogging · Family

Missing In Action…Have You Seen Him?

jacquelineobyikocha

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What do you do when a blogger that you have become attached to just ups and suddenly disappears into thin air?

I met an awesome Christian blogger and we were consistently  supportive of each other and I loved his quiet reflections. Sometime ago, he hinted on changes going on in his life though he was not specific and I didn’t needle to pry, but I sensed his unhappiness.

For several weeks, going on two months actually, he has neither posted nor visited and bantered with me like he would and after waiting for a while and missing his blessings sufficiently, I decided to go looking for him.

It was  a shock to find his blog was now private and needed a password. I sent a request for access some  3 weeks ago and not a peep.

I am almost tempted to mention his name and ask if anyone has seen him floating around cyber-space and just to know that he is fine and didn’t do something stupid.

Then I simply whispered a prayer in my heart hoping that all is well with him. That whatever his problems were, I hope he has found sufficient grace to surmount them.

I have tried to find reasons not to worry, yet my mind wanders now and again to my friend and it is a bit surprising to realize how much I care.

How much a great number of people that I have met here mean to me.

How overtime our blogging friends start feeling familiar and like extended family.

How we develop attachments with total strangers across the globe.

I realized that maybe I am putting too much of my personal emotions in the friendships developed here, thinking that maybe, I should feel detached so that I wouldn’t notice if someone is missing in action; but that is simply not who I am.

Even bloggers who are blogging incognito, I have assigned voices and faces to their ambiguous status.

I can start writing a long list of bloggers that I will miss if I don’t see them for a bit and my list would be so long because I think I virtually follow everyone who follows me.

I simply think that if they find me worth spending their time on, then they are worth spending my time on as well.

So, I guess this is blogging life. Now here, tomorrow gone :/ Not happy.

Please, to all my blogger friends, do let us know when you want to run along and I want to let you know that I appreciate meeting you in this space and time wherever you are.

© Jacqueline Oby-Ikocha

 

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Published by jacquelineobyikocha

A wordsmith with a vivid imagination, an eager mind and a burning desire to carve out tales. As I journey with my muse to that land of all possibilities and self discovery, I hope my personal evolution will serve as a beacon of inspiration for anyone who chooses to stop by.

137 thoughts on “Missing In Action…Have You Seen Him?”

  4. You are so thoughtful and caring…the way you reach out to each and every active person on your blog, and there are many. I do hope your blogging friend is OK…same thing happened to a blog I follow. It concerned me most because they blogged about domestic abuse…so how could one not be worried? It’s good to have a friend like you who cares.

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    1. I have tried to shake it off for days but I just couldn’t ignore the feeling anymore, especially when I went to the blog and found it shut which was unusual! It’s really disturbing especially when someone hints that something is wrong. Thank you for your kind words sister.

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  5. I think it is a struggle to set boundaries and expectations for relationships online. I know I struggle with it because like you, I grow to really care about the people I interact with here. It is a new world…and don’t you go and disappear on me!

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  6. I felt the same way about you when you had ‘diappeared’ (visited your family) way back when. And the genuine interest I have in some of the blogger’s lives is what keeps me coming back here, keeps me reading and engaged. Hopefully he will read this and know that it us about him Jacqueline. I am sure he will appreciate you reaching out.

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  7. I like that you care and other people care. It’s no fun to feel detached from people so I would rather feel something and know I might feel sad later and that’s just the way it works. I also recently had this happen to me, the blog site was just deactivated with no warning, I was disappointed and wondering what happened to her, too, hoping everything was all right. I would wonder about you, too. I enjoy your insight to the world.

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  9. It is a world all its own this blogging, I would say if they are on your mind/heart, you pray and not worry. I found one of my first followers went private. I kinda expected it. SOme don’t want their life Out there on google as it is in case some havent checked the mark to say no to google or something. Some of us are so blabby you can find us later on book or tweet tweet or google if we run away from wp. WHEW long chat just heres a hug my dear neighbor 😀

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    2. SarahC
      I do write anonymously (or so I hoped) for a strong reason and there is SOMEONE who mustn’t read me . What is that button you mention that I should have checked , please ?
      Thank you

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      1. hello, I found it under my sites/ configure/ settings/ general/ site visibility, hope this helps. Actually the same page had the snow setting there was when i remembered it. dd

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  10. hi me again, p.s. some us funds run low, they might not even be online, just private the account for awhile til life sorts out, I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt as some other blogger friends have found in my comments, ok back to troubleshooting a dinosaur tyranosaurs rex computer Toodleoo

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  12. I know how you feel. Lost a few online friends when Yahoo 360 was active, then found out later one had died from Cancer, another killed in domestic violence, and never found out what became of the third. What I did was contact other people that I was close to, who was also following this blogs. Great post btw!

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  14. I’ve always considered the blogging community like a neighborhood and our blogs like our porches. Whenever I post a blog, I’m inviting you on to my porch to have a chat. Your friend simply went inside and shut the door. Maybe for a while, maybe forever. You knocked on the door by sending your request, and now all you can do is wait for him to answer — or not. Unless you feel that he is in danger (in which case you can only ask, “What can I do about this?) then the only two choices you have are to wait some more, or walk away. Either way, the door remains closed and all the wondering in the world won’t make it open again.

    I’ve had a few online friends — some long before blogging became a thing — just disappear without a by your leave, so I know how you feel. Your friend will either come back out on his porch or he won’t. Either way, I hope he’s okay.

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    1. Hmm! I like the very homely image that you create here likening our blogs to porches. Your analogy is quite correct. I am just going to hope that he’s okay even if he plans to shut his door to the blogging porch. Thank you very much for your insight and understanding. I appreciate this. Regards

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    2. The setting to “private” is a very real indication to me that your blogging bud is okay, but has simply made different choices for how they want to utilize their website. They really do not owe anyone an explanation, though it would have been good for you to know the why. Growing on wscottling’s excellent analogy I believe… It is hurtful when you knock on the door, fairly knowing that someone is home, and yet they do not answer.

      The non response to your request for access most likely has nothing to do with you personally.

      Jacqueline, your remaining community remains available, supportive, interested, and embraces you. That is a very good thing in your life.

      All my best to you. XOX

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      1. I do agree that no one owes anyone an explanation JoHanna as to why they chose to make their blogs private. It really is their prerogative if they chose to stop interacting, but when you have shared quite a bit with someone for months and they have expressed depression and misery, you get a bit concerned when all gets too silent. I know that it has nothing to do with me personally and my worry lay more with his well-being, then again, I guess I cannot do much about it other than to wish him well. Thank you very much for your reassuring comments 🙂

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  16. I worry too , when people go sometime without posting , and I start wondering , and praying and wishing they are ok . Two of my “missing” reappeared two or three days after I started really worrying about them , with a perfectly acceptable reason for it ( one – travel , and the other one a sickness in the family ) . But I am afraid that in this case you mention it might be something else . Let us wish everything is all right with your “friend”
    Turtle Hugs

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  17. The moment we connected through our blogging, I knew you were an incredible and caring person. These things happen and I agree with patrickhawthorne01 that it is life, simply life and how we react to it. Do not take it personal and I hope you do not allow it to change you. You are a light and your beacon equals encouragement. You are one I truly look forward to visiting and reading. The light in you, that spark that you own, makes you the wonderful writer that you are. Thank you for being that kind of person 🙂 The world needs many more like you. I do hope your friend speaks up to put your mind at ease.

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  20. Indeed, I think we should all plan a get together trip. Writers, Incorporated trip for all who aspire to inspire. Sounds like a good pitch, aye?? Much love sis, Emma

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  22. I’m learning that people come and go, people write for various reasons, many are on personal journeys, some want affirmation, some just love writing. maybe see the ‘time you had with this blogger’ as all that he needed, he had confidence to move on. I DON’T REALLY KNOW WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT!!

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  25. I was awake in bed a few nights ago when I thought of a person similar to the one you have described. (Perhaps the same) I do believe that is a call for prayer for the hurting. Your blog has reminded me now that I am awake to pray for this dear man. Mine now has a post in which he recounts that he has been in depression and is going to take some time off. We sang a song last night at church “The Family of God.” I do believe we sense need for members of our family. The Bible calls that discernment, a gift from the Holy Spirit. Prayer: Lord, Jacque and I come together to commit the need of these men (or man) to you. Restore them physically and spiritually to again be able to be the influence for good and for your kingdom. Thank you for faithful and solid men of God and for their counsel to those who look to them for wisdom. Help them to arm themselves again with your word and restore the intimacy they have had with you. Thank you, Jesus, for hearing our prayer.

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  29. We are all one big family. I hope your friend reads your thoughtful words.
    When I decided to stop writing on my previous blog, due to major changes in my personal life, I change, my blog to private (= I stopped writing on it.) Several of my readers sent emails showing their concerns, and love.It helped me keep my spirit up! I hope all this love from you, and others, helps your friend ❤

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  31. I had a frequent blogger who didn’t blog for a few days. I felt like a fool but I was worried. Fortunately I knew another blogger who tweeted with him on a regular basis. She found out that he had undergone surgery but that he was fine. Now within our small circle of committed bloggers, we do blog if we will be absent for awhile so no one will become unduly concerned.. .

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    1. Which is a grand idea. We don’t have to tell the hotel room that we are disappearing to but at least let those within our circle know that we dropping off the blogging planet for a while. It does make things better – in my opinion at least.

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  32. I understand how you feel. When three bloggers disappeared from my Reader for a few days/weeks(they posted regularly), I wondered what went wrong. I felt like messaging but I felt like a stalker, when one blogger came back and was absent due to a hospital visit, I sucked it up and emailed the other two. Thank goodness, they are ok and just lack time due to tough projects. When I am subscribed to a blogger, reading their post regularly, I cannot help but miss their voice on my Reader. There is one that I especially and this person is incognito (like me) but I grew to like the reading voice so much :).

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    1. I understand perfectly. In this case, I waited for weeks and weeks and why I felt the anxiety more was because of the tones of his voice which had expressed a lot of sadness and heaviness. We really become one family joined by this link. Incognito or not, never disappear on me without letting me know 😉

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      1. Nope, I will always let my readers know. We are one family on WordPress, we check out for each other :). I hope your friend is feeling better, Lord knows we need all the encouragement in today’s world.

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  33. I hope your friend turns up okay. I understand how you feel. We are all like one big family, and it feels off it we of us are missing. I’ve lost a few blogger friends two years ago, and then I stop blogging for awhile. You have a caring heart. Prayers go out to your friend.

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  35. Definitely had this happen to me a few times. It’s so sad and difficult because you’ve been following this person and their story for ages – then suddenly, poof! Gone. No word or whisper from them, sometimes ever again… Really hard to deal with but I guess there’s not much to do about it. I too, get tempted to name names in the hopes that someone’ll point me their way… or in some cases I’ve found them and tried to get them to message again, though they never do. I guess God brings people into our lives for a reason and also takes them away for the same? We have to just Trust in His plan in the end I guess.

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    1. Yes it is quite disconcerting. I like this thought about trusting God’s plan and indeed it is true that people come through our lives for a season, be it brief or be it long. Thank you Jaded. My regards 🙂

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  36. What a great post and so true. As I have had to take a week and now maybe another week off due to being hit hard by life, you made me realize maybe I should send a little post to tell my followers… My fellow bloggers… My friends 😄 have a blessed one !

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  37. Very lovely post Jacqueline. I must say, meeting you and every other person I’ve met thus far on the blogosphere is more of a blessing. And I sometimes wonder about those that go incognito if we are ever in the same room and probably don’t realise that we know each other on the cyberspace.

    It’s a mystifying joy I must say.

    And as for your friend, I suggest you do everything within your might to ensure he’s ok. Just so you don’t wish you had done more if (God forbid) the outcome isn’t pleasant.

    However, I really do hope he’s fine. All the best to him.

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    1. Thank you very much my dear. It is truly a positive place to be and a lot of people have been rich sources of inspiration. I really hope he is doing good and I will poke around some more and see. My regards my dear.

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  38. Hi Jacqueline,

    Awww, I hope he sees this post and reaches out to you. 🙂

    I understand how blogging helps one form bonds that seems so real, one builds virtual friendships that feel even more sincere than physical friendships.

    I have had the fortune of running into some of my blogger friends in real life, it was a delightful meeting, finally putting a human face to the internet face.

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  39. Very well said and I agree with your comments about blogging friends. People in my blogging world have changed over the 7 years my site has been active, I think because my blog is so focused. But through my blog I have met people who helped me to heal and it is my hope that I have helped others as well. Thanks for sharing and I do hope you hear from your blogging friend.

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  41. Pingback: Missing In Action…Have You Seen Him? | Simply Marquessa

  44. Thanks for this post. I’ve been a bit worried about someone lately and after reading this I’m going to get in touch. I haven’t wanted to pry so didn’t do anything but a simple ‘hello’ can’t do too much harm, surely.

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  45. Sometimes people just fall off the radar. I’ve had it happen both via the internet & in ” real life ” several times. I had a friend in California’s Bay Area that I haven’t heard a peep from since, oh, 2005, I’ve thought about calling 411 to look her up, but maybe she just decided to find new friends & new experiences.
    She was kinda New Agey & spacey – wacey, but I liked her. So I share your experience.

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  46. Hi

    I am not sure if you saw it, but the blogging community got together when a well known blogger got together, his health wasn’t great and they were really worried. A post similar to this went out, although they named him and another blogger happened to be going to the town and went and knocked at him door, they found him alive, but he spent a few days in hospital and then his internet went and stopped working.

    But it just goes to show how lovely this community is

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    1. It really is a great and warm community. I never saw that, but it’s good to know that this community extends itself beyond the peripheries of online interaction. God used the blogger in the case you mentioned as an angel for the guy.

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  48. I feel the same way. There are bloggers that I consider friends. We support each other and help each other. When I first started to blog, I was offered some very good advice from a fellow blogger, which I totally appreciated. I offered advice to a fellow blogger this past weekend as she wanted more information about my theme. I was more than happy to help her. Blogging, IMO, is also communicating and sharing so when a fellow blogger is no longer reachable, there are concerns. Hopefully, the person is too busy or needs a break. I hope your MIA is okay and you hear something soon.

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  49. Pingback: Missing In Action…Have You Seen Him? | jerdine

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