The school year is almost done over here, and I am left with so much mixed feelings. I am thankful for the fact that I will get some downtime to relax and rejuvenate as well as pursue my personal interests and passion. I most definitely won’t miss the early morning rush, though I still plan to wake up early and start my day with early morning walks and some work on personal projects. So, instead of lazy mornings during the holidays, I will fit in power naps and binge-watching movies during the day.

Some of my mixed feelings come from existential crisis of asking myself ‘is this it?’ ‘Are there other things that I should be doing instead of being confined within the margins of just getting by?’ ‘What next?’

Over the years, I have dabbled into so many things, my career trajectory has changed over and over again and except for the years before getting married and having children, I realize that most of my choices thus far have bordered on having a job and living in a survival mode of work, pay bills, repeat again and again, and to say the least, I am disenfranchised with living in such manner. My life is meant to be lived beyond mere existence and having near and dear one’s battle to save their lives from terminal illness has only highlighted this quandary for me.

I am praying that these forthcoming days of vacation will not only be tranquil, but they will also allow me time for deep reflection to gain more clarity. I may not know the direction of the future that lies before me, but I know that God knows and as He keeps my heart with Him, He will grant me uncommon understanding and vision.