My dad used to say ‘be careful in giving someone a yard, the next thing you know they would want a mile,’ and my mother would say ‘be that yardstick of the best quality and do it better than your best,’ which not surprisingly always seemed to follow house chores that didn’t meet her yardstick of measuring cleanliness.
I never quite knew what that yardstick of hers was except she liked us polishing the floor till it was shiny enough to eat food off it and somehow we always managed to spill our food, then we picked it up, dusted if off and ate it. It’s amazing how strong we were back then and we had no worries about microbes. Now, even with all the advancement in technology and medical sciences, the names of diseases keep growing in numbers.
I like the saying ‘going the whole nine yards,’ though I have always wondered why nine yards and not ten, eleven, twelve or seven yards even. I am the going the whole nine yards kinda girl. I would give it my all till I’ve got nothing more to give – I guess when a person has taken all the nine yards that I can afford to give them I stop cutting them any more slack and fabric lest I find myself naked and in need of yards myself and that’s when I remember my dad’s words about those who would want a mile.
So, are you the whole nine yards type of person or do you hold back some of the yardages as backup 😉
Let us go down to a bit of Nigeria colloquial language aka pidgin or broken with Igbo, Hausa and Yoruba flavour. The translated synopsis is below to give you a rounded gist of the matter.
Abeg make una vex o. E don tey, way I bin won talk dis matter.
Mai dia pipu , how una dey o? Shebi bodi dey eensi clot wel, wel? Se kosi? Ranka dede! Una wellu don o. I dey greet.
Oya carry shia siddon make u listen small for my vex.
Biko, make ah ask dis kine kwershion wey dey give me palaver.
Dis tin way de shele for our life now no be small tin at all o. How una take see am? Eh?
Lai lai e no supoze be like dis na! All deze tins just dey put us for reverse, when we suppose dey waka go front.
Dis Boko Haram mata, dis ISIS matter don tire persin. Dem be like Ojuju Calabar wey no wan make person sleep close eye for night.
Maka Chukwu dem jus de do bad bad tins de go, an e no funnee ahgain o.
Abi wetin yu teeenk?
We jus dey siddon dey look abi? Na dis kine leg Nama go carry waka for Damaturu reach Owerri?
Mbanu! Odikwa very risky.
Mayk una come o,make we join head togeda begin dey fine the black sheep way dey fo outside before naight go meet us for hia o!
Na sofri sofri dem dey take catch monkey.
Beecause mai pipu dey talk say one day one day monkey go go market e no go return ahgain o.
U no say pikin way no wan make im mama sleepu him too no go sleep .
Na so e be o. Eh aburo mi. Sisi mi.
Abi na lie I lie? If na lie I talk make I naked baf for bafroom.
E don do sef! Oti to!
Diaris God o.
Akoba adaba Olurun ma ja ri
Ka Chineke mezie okwu a. Udo diri unu nile.
Shikena! I don talk my own finish. Today na Sunday abeg may I go chop Jollof rice 😊
Translation:
Please don’t be offended. It’s been a while that I wanted to say this.
My dear people, how are you all? I hope you are doing well?
Sit down let’s have a quick chat.
I crave your indulgence, let me ask this question that seems to be a bane in our lives these days.
What are your views about this Boko Haram and ISIS issues that are cloying the air?
It is rather a tiring situation and they have assumed the positions of masquerades that won’t let people close their eyes to sleep at night. What do you think can be done?
These happenings are sending us backwards while we are supposed to move forward.
Are we just going to sit down and look at events? Is it in this manner that the Cow will trek from Damaturu to Owerri? That is rather risky!
Let us join heads together and search fervently for the black sheep before night comes.
Softly, softly one can actually capture a monkey, because we say in my place that one day the monkey will go to the market and it will not return.
A child who will not let his mother sleep will not sleep too.
My brother and sister, that is how it is.
It’s enough now. Let us remember that there is God.
May we not fall into the pit/trap set by someone.
Peace be with you all and May God intervene for us.
That’s it! I have said my piece! Today is Sunday, please let me go and eat jollof rice. Good bye.
a cooking pot and twisted tales 